Shana Tova, y'all!! I hope you had a wonderful, meaningful, and peaceful Rosh Hashana!
See that guy passed out on the beach? That's kinda what I looked like after my three day eating extravaganza. I'm actually writing this as I'm passed out on the floor from severe food coma. Except that my feet are much cuter than this guy's gross feet, and my stomach is about twice the size of his. Oh, and I don't have a pair of outdated jeans. Who rolls their jeans like that any more? Are we back in the '80's again? Seriously, how many times can designers bring back the same look?? Who would've thought that Kohelet would also refer to fashion trends with its famous phrase, "There is nothing new under the sun"?
So, tell me! How was your Rosh Hashana? How about all of you fantastic women that let your hubbies go to Uman? How did you manage? Would anyone like to share any insights, cool stories, or just something funny that happened over Rosh Hashana? I'd love to hear all about it, so send in a comment!
In the meantime, I'll tell you about my RH as I cut weight because I'm too lazy to get up and grab the remote to turn on the air conditioning. I figure that I'll write until I turn into a puddle of sweat on the floor, with my ghetto fabulous rings and chains floating on top.
As you may recall, David took my older two boys, which totally made the holiday for me! I took my three little cuties out for every meal, and I even got to shul on time to hear the shofar! There was hardly any fighting and my kids behaved very well at each house we went to. All in all, it was a fantastic Rosh Hashana. For me. For David, it was a little rough. My oldest son had a flu for a few days, and David never had to take care of a sick child before. I was like, better you than me, buddy. Apparently Hashem wanted David to appreciate my child-rearing efforts by making him actually do something for once.
Sorry, that sounds so mean. David's great! He's very involved with the kids. At least, for all the fun stuff. I think I'm gonna shut up now.
The only part that wasn't cool for me about David being in Uman was that there was no guy selling great knockoff Adidas gear. I'm still a bit bummed about that. I was so looking forward to a new track suit. My kids are already mad at me because I recently bought a pair of boys' Nike sneakers, and they get super embarrassed when I wear them out. My oldest son is lucky because his feet are already bigger than mine so I can't borrow his sneakers.
Wow, does this post have a point? Oh, yes! The weekly Breslev Israel articles!
Rav Shalom Arush tells us that we can have a No-Fear Yom Kippur. Sounds great! So what do you have to do to be able to go into Yom Kippur without fear of not being forgiven for your sins? Well, you have to read the article, that's what. Duh.
I just found out that the World Series is coming up soon. You know what that means, right? That means you've got to read Rav Brody's article about baseball, because apparently there is some deep connection between baseball and spiritual growth. What, you mean you didn't know that already? What's wrong with you?? Don't worry, ignoramuses. He explains it all in The Tougher League.
This week I write about The Warburg Effect, which focuses on the real reason that tumors develop. Last week's article, It's Not Genetic, gave you information that pointed to the culprit of most cancers. What? You want to know what the culprit is? What do I look like, a friar? Read last week's article and then read this week's! And hold your breath until next week, because I'm gonna give you some kind of crazy awesome conclusion to this trilogy!
Rebbetzin Yehudit Channen, one of my closest and only friends, is too righteous for me. Therefore, I've decided we can't be friends any more. Yehudit, I loved Hurricane Harvey, Hurricane Hope, but couldn't you have been a little bit judgmental? I mean, how am I supposed to be your friend if you're so perfect??
Dr. Zev Ballen just scored some serious brownie points with me in his latest, Mirror on the Wall. And for that matter, so have the Arizal and Rav Arush! Bravo all around!!
Speaking of brownies, Aliza Neveloff gives some helpful tips to parents who are crazy brave enough to go Eating out with the Kids. Maybe I'll try taking out my kids to a restaurant again when they're married. Okay, engaged.
David Perlow can't put his gun down because he's always talking about Machine Gun Emuna. Just like I can't put my million calorie muffins down because I'm always talking about the low carb ketogenic diet.
I just have to add one last thing. I love, love, love baby feet. I want to eat up those cute little toes.
Have an awesome day! And don't forget, these days between RH and YK are super auspicious for making teshuva, so get to it!