continuation of Yocheved Golani's essay
Shape Your Mind for Survival Mode
Actions, ideas and emotions are very important realities to suffering people if they're physically ill or emotionally out of order. I went through an ordeal that could have broken the bodies and spirits of many people. I understood that I needed to take positive, life-saving actions, to think of positive ideas that strengthened me, and to take positive control of my emotions on many levels.
I needed to respond to every frightening, negative thought with an upbeat, healing thought. Anyone who is seriously ill does, too. My sefer Tehilim (book of Psalms) filled with my tears and my growing appreciation for David HaMelech. He showed me how to beat back negativity and envision a better future with great sensitivity. He knew all about overcoming formidable odds.
The worst thing that could have happened to me back then is that I would have failed to try saving my life. The BEST thing, however, was that if I succeeded I would have a life. One I wanted to live. You or your loved one may be in the same boat.
I needed to develop a plan of action to save my life and/or the quality of my remaining life. You need to do that, too. I failed at times and you might, too. But try again. The characteristic you're building on is called Tenacity. It’s a quality of life issue.
Anyone with a medical crisis is in the same situation: you need to save a life. Yours or the life of someone you love. The quality of that endangered life is just as important as preserving it.
Give Yourself Permission to Weep
One reason I needed to be Tenacious was that some of the worst reactions people had to my news could have crushed my emotions. "You shouldn't cry. GOD only gives people the challenges they can face," they declared with a sense of fatalism and religious superiority over me. I disagree. Many a good person has experienced a psychological or medical problem, and suffered terribly or not survived it. Some medical and emotional challenges destroy no matter how valiantly we fight to survive them. Other crises can be survived. It isn't fair to lump them all in one "You can do it!" category. It's as useless as telling someone in hospice care, dripping blood or holding onto broken limbs in an emergency room that "I FEEL YOUR PAIN." It's no help at all. It blames the patient, who is suffering already. No one on this planet is authorized to pass judgment on another person's trials and tribulations. That's GOD's job.
Strong men and women cry over medical challenges. The Avot and Imahot wept when they recognized danger or felt sad. Crying is a form of prayer. It says, "I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm angry, I don't know what to do about my problem. I need your help GOD," and more. Crying is part of our relationship with Him. And it lets everyone around us know that we feel devastated, in need of their emotional support. We do not need a scolding.
Crying says volumes about a distressed person. They might feel shocked, lost, confused or angry with someone. Anger can also express itself as outrage, frustration, jealousy, resentment, fury, and hatred. It can masquerade as judgment, criticism, and even (surprise!) boredom. Like all emotions, it is a complex, ever-shifting state involving thoughts, feelings, and bodily changes. It's a roller coaster with thrills, spills, and corkscrew turns, none of it predictable or controllable.
to be continued tomorrow, G-d willing
