Emuna and Childbirth

I thank Rabbi Lazer for giving me the soapbox today - I have an important message for mothers-to-be.

I was fortunate to hear Rabbi Lazer in Lakewood recently. I want to thank him for having the courage to go out there and yell it to the rooftops about emunah and how Hashem is the true coordinator of all events. I admire that sincerely because I lack the courage to yell to my fellow sisters about the emunah that we are all lacking especially during childbirth. Modern medicine and westernization has taken childbirth - an intimate, private, modest physiological function that once occurred in the home - and has corrupted it into a medical commercialized profit-making industry.

You see,I had my children via c-section. Hashem taught me firsthand what happens to a person when they put their sole trust in Human flesh and not in the Master of the Universe who created something perfect, the whole chilbirth process. Hashem has removed the dirty spectacles from my eyes and has shown me through default via my tribulation of bearing my 2 children through the most unnatural form, surgery. I was healthy and my pregnancy was healthy and yet despite that I ended up with 2 hospital-caused c-sections. In modern medicine, the doctor decides based on his own schedule when and how the baby will come out. When the doctor arrives they right away break the water and whip out the pitocin to get the show on the road to get that uterus pumping. When you start to tamper with mother nature then ultimatly you can break things. But I was conditioned to believe that without their help woman and babies would be dying on the street...

Unfortunalty, I have learned the hard way and I mean hard. I wouldnt wish a c-section on a dog. It has taken me years to work through my anger and despair and try to see the doctor as just a stick in the hand of Hashem. Through reading the Garden of Emuna, I have come to some sort of peace with my traumatic births. I am thankful to Hashem for opening up my eyes that I need to trust Him and only Him. He created natural childbirth and we don't need to run to doctors to have a healthy baby and pregnancy.

I see the truth so clearly that I cry for other woman who are blinded and are running to doctors to get sonograms and all the other stupidity they offer. Obstetrics is just another business in our lowly world - its not Emunah. I pray every day that Hashem should lift the veil that blocks the eyes of women and I hope that they will also merit to find the Emunah that Hashem has shown me. May we merit to be like the holy woman in Egypt who  had no where to turn but to hashem. The Or Hachaim says they gave a two week later due date to their midwives. They had to do this because they could not trust them. Pharoh instituted a hospital protocol that would kill all the male infants. That left them with no other choice but to have faith in Hashem and have unassisted births with just Hashem as their medical provider. I pray every day that Hashem will bring birth back into the homes because any effort I make is a losing battle.

Thank you for listening. RF, a mother from Lakewood

Comments

[Michelle Nevada]

B"H

G-d bless you! Too many women let doctors take birth away from them. I gave birth five times, and three of them were at home. I was blessed to be able to do this, and there is nothing so beautiful as a home birth with a qualified, caring, and careful midwife.

[Shoshana Kesner]

Dear Rabbi, this is very important. We pray that Dr's and midwives are blessed with being the right "messengers" for G-d great Wisdom.

In His infinite wisdom, He created professionals - "DOULA"- to help women manage each contraction and help avoid interventions, or to cope with necessary interventions. I have been teaching Postpartum Doulas- In Israel- for two years. It is just as necessary to have support after, as well. Michal Finkelstein RN,CNM,has joined me and we are carrying this together, now. Women need to have advocates, supporters who know medical systems, norms and can help women work with what is available.

Every woman is different, some are well suited for home birthing, some are not- early screening helps to determine this, as well as knowing oneself (hitbodedut helps with that!).

Postpartum Doulas support women and help them to process, nurse, sleep, and manage the 4th trimester- so that for years after birthing, women are not feeling trauma and regret. That they find a place of comfort and wholeness, not upset and sorrow. Hashem is Great- He sends us the cure prior to the disease: the Postpartum Doula a non-invasive, gentle remedy.

Women around the world have support- they need to know what is available and should seek out professional, certified doulas to increase strength and satisfaction in childbearing years.

Dr. Shoshana Kesner DHM,RN,CPM
www.binahbaby.com

[philip]

there is no doubt that we all need chizuk in Emuna, but regarding hishtadlus, we must make use intellegently of health care resources , and not put ourselves or our families in sakona, by not using available health expertise and technology to ensure optimal health care.I know there is a big business in childbirth units, but there are still yirei shamayim health care workers. There is no sense in compromising the health of mothers or infants by reverting to primitive methods.Dont subject our children to unnecessary birth trauma, neonatal ischaemia, prolonged and mismanaged labour etc.

[Miriam Peromsik]

I've had 9 hospital births, b'li a"h, 3 with an OB, 3 with a "family doctor" and 3 with a midwife. I definitely prefer a midwife, but all have been willing to let me labor at my own pace and (mostly) choose which interventions I wanted, after a mature discussion. I felt like an equal partner in the decisions being made about my body.

And I have long labors, some times lasting for days before I show any actual progress, but my medical professionals have been willing to wait me out unless I've requested otherwise.

Not all doctors and not all hospitals are created equal. If you prefer a hospital setting, it's worth looking around for one where you'll be most comfortable. Mine has a birthing center, but I prefer the hospital bed.

[Lifeinthemarriedlane]

I am sorry, RF, that you had such negative experiences which caused you such pain. However, instead of decrying the entire Obstetrics profession, perhaps we could take a more objective look at the choices a woman has.

I have friends who have had many successful home births, and indeed, if a woman chooses to take that path, it is her choice. However, this should also be done after ensuring that the health of the baby and mother are not at risk.

Your quote "I see the truth so clearly that I cry for other woman who are blinded and are running to doctors to get sonograms and all the other stupidity they offer" concerns me, as it seems to indicate that pre-natal care is not necessary, or that it indicates a lack of emunah. Chas v'shalom.

I have friends whose babies were only saved through medical intervention and good prenatal care. While a c-section is definitely a major surgery and trauma on the body, there is the increasing prevalence of VBAC.

Also, I have a friend who had to deliver all five of her children via C-section, and if she had not had this option, it is likely that she would not have survived labor, never mind being able to have five children!

I have had two children, both hospital births. The first was natural, and the second was scheduled, as I was past my due date. Of course, we consulted our Rav in the matter, and I did not feel that my doctor was pressuring me in any way, or that it was done as a matter of convenience. Both births were, B"H, fine, and I plan on continuing to have an epidural for subsequent births, IY"H.

Here is a link to Rebbetzin Heller's view on this topic: http://jewishmoms.wordpress.com/2010/11/28/dear-rebbetzin-heller-epidural-yes-or-no/

[Puah yiska]

All comments are interesting and valid. I'm in favor of asking g-d for help and or guidance along the way ...

[Zahava Pasternak]

Mother from Lakewood - I have all the emunah in the world. In fact, my husband tells me that he wishes he could be "on my level" of emunah. Yet, dear mother from Lakewood, I have had to have c-sections and it certainly was not based on me not having emunah. Not at all.

Here are the most common indications for cesarean birth:

There are many reasons why a woman needs to deliver her baby via caesarean section:

•Previous surgery on the uterus makes a cesarean necessary
•Placenta previa, to prevent excessive maternal bleeding that may affect the fetus.
•Abruptio placenta, to prevent rapid blood and oxygen loss to the baby as a result of the placenta separating.
•Herpes infection, a cesarean will prevent the possibility of passing it on to the baby through the birth canal.
•Severe toxemia, to prevent fetal complications.
•Fetal distress, as identified through ultrasounds and/or fetal monitoring.
•Abnormal fetal position, making it impossible for the baby to pass through the birth canal. An example would be a breech or transverse presentation.
•Diabetic mother, if the disease results in a very large baby, or poor blood flow to the placenta.
•Prolapsed cord, to prevent loss of oxygen to the baby.
•Cephalopelvic disproportion (CPD), when the baby’s head is too large to pass through the birth canal.
•Failure of labor to progress, or if oxytocin has not been effective.
•Forcep or vacuum failure.

Having emunah doesn't mean you ignore your doctor's advice and run straight for your prayer book and rely on a miracle. Having emunah means that you understand Hashem gave us doctors and operating theatres, anaesthesia, and miraculous ways of bringing babies into the world - unlike past generations where the mother and baby would both die.

thankyou shiratdevorah at blogspot for bringing this posting to the attention of others.

[Zcpooch]

I agree with you in principle however I think there is a need to work through the guilt and despair over the procedure.

Having personally started off with hypnobirthing (a HUGE recommend)and ending up with a C, yes there are after affects but these can be mitigated ovr time for both mother and child with healing work -- craniosacral therapy is a perfect option, for example.

The only important piece in all of this is that another beautiful neshama was born.

We need to to remember that Hashem, for His reasons alone, wanted this C. And we have to be grateful we are all alive because in another time and place that might not have the been the end result. Otherwise, plain and simple, this birth would not have happened exactly that way.

[KE]

Miriam (Michele) - prior surgery on the uterus does NOT necessarily indicate subsequent c-section!!! This is the misinformation RF is talking about!!!!

Failure of labor to progress...this is another problem. Why doesn't a labor progress "normally" (1cm/hr per most hospital definitions)? Could it be that women's bodies are different and these arbitrary guidelines serve the OB and the hospital and NOT the woman and her baby?

The bottom line is that the c-section rate in the US is way too high - 33% (of which 1% is the mother's choice so don't come back with "women are electing to have c-sections and that's why the rate is so high").

Homebirth is not for everyone. It's not everyone's comfort level. What RF is trying to get across, I suspect, is for more women to walk into pregnancy with their eyes wide open and to recognize that patient safety does not always come before hospital profit or OB schedule.

[Puah yiska]

KE:
Hi.its Miriam (Michelle ) I didn't understand ur comment directed to me.. way over my head ....have a good Shabbos. Breath in breath out....

[KE]

Sorry, Miriam. I misread the comment format and should've addressed my comment to Zahava Pasternak.

Kol tuv and good Shabbos,
elisheva

[Nehama Julie Sharabi]

Miriam,

Thank you for posting and sharing your experience with us. After reading it, I have something to share as well.

All in all, the main point is, you cannot paint all c-sections and medical procedures with the same brush. We need to thank Hashem that we have the technology these days to save the lives of our children and mothers -- as it comes from Him. And we also need to continue our daily practice of strengthening our emuna.

Having a certain level of trust in medical professionals (who receive their wisdom and knowledge from Hashem - whether they know it or not) and trusting in the Almighty are NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

It is also not fair to put mothers out there who've had c-sections, believing that they were doing what was best for their baby, in the hot-seat over it.

If one has indeed gone through the procedure, they should thank Hashem that they have a healthy child, that they themselves are healthy and on the mend and that there were professionals that Hashem provided them with, in order to assist them in this miracle we call birth.

Either way, it IS a miracle - whether we choose to have our baby at home, in the fields like some of our great grandmothers, or in a hospital.

Let's not judge, regret or lament. Let's just be thankful.

Good Shabbes

[KE]

Nehama - The point is that in many cases the distress requiring the c/s is *caused* by the medical model of birth. Too many unnecessary inductions for reasons not backed up by evidence. Hospitals and doctors are in business to make money. Managed maternity care is designed to move people through the system and maximize profits.

Telling a mother who has had a c/s that she should be happy she and her baby are healthy is missing the point. Of course everyone wants healthy children and mothers as the ultimate outcome. The rub comes when you realize after your "emergency" c-section that you've been duped into surgery - you've been told your body is broken (pelvis too small, baby too big, not laboring fast enough) and you need to be "rescued". Many women are now calling "baloney" to these claims and rightfully so.

Certainly some c/s are necessary and Miriam has outline a few in her comments above (though she is wrong in two I mentioned in a previous comment) and we are grateful that this technology exists to be used when necessary. But it is being abused.

Women should not have to endure unnecessary surgery/interventions to help the hospital make a profit or because doctors are fearful of lawsuits. This, by the way, is the REAL reason women are being denied VBACs as per the results of the NIH VBAC study in 2009 - fear of lawsuits. Astonishing and revolting.

Good shabbos.
elisheva

[KE]

Ack, poor Miriam again. I meant "Zahava has outlined a few in her comments above". Silly baby brain. Sorry, Miriam.

[Onbecomingdevoted.wordpress.com]

Elisheva - This is certainly the real crux of the matter... I would say more, but I couldn't put it any better than you already did!

Women need to understand how the system works first and foremost, before they can put any trust into it.

-Elle

[Nehama Julie Sharabi]

Elisheva,

I do not believe that I am missing the point. I do acknowledge that there probably are cases with C-sections - among many other medical procedures - in which neglect, malpractice and abuse do take place. This does not discount the fact that everything still comes from Hashem. If there is something to be done about it, by all means then action should be taken.

I do happen to have several friends whose children would not be here today had they not had the C-section, so I am a big believer that not all cases are unnecessary.

That being said, it all comes down to one thing: IT'S ALL FROM HASHEM.

Shavua Tov.

[Puah yiska]

Shavua tov....shabbos was amazing in Chicago, pure white snow everywhere ....geez ladies can u imagine birthing six at a time like in parsha shemot !?!

[Yehudis]

As a homebirthing mother I feel compelled to respond. I understand the author's pain and frustration and hope and pray that neither the author nor any other woman will ever have to go through such a difficult experience.

At the same time, I don't believe that what the author is describing is emunah in Hashem. She is describing trust in the natural process of childbirth. It is true that Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, designed our bodies to give birth naturally, without any medical interventions. It is also true that while the human body is designed perfectly, Hashem also allowed for the possibility of it not functioning properly, and He gave doctors permission to heal.

A woman can have complete trust in her body's ability to give birth. She can plan a homebirth and do everything within her control to prepare for it, physically and emotionally. And things could still go wrong. As they do, in a very small percentage of homebirths, where a woman needs to be transported to the hospital and the birth requires medical intervention.

And that's where true emunah comes in. Emunah is not about choosing a desired outcome and insisting that Hashem fulfill the order. Emunah is trusting that however the birthing process unfolds, and no matter what the outcome, it is still the will of Hashem and is designed by Him for our own benefit.

Childbirth is an amazing opportunity to truly let go, to remove our own egos from the picture, and to let Hashem take charge. Childbirth cannot be planned out, even when the natural process functions properly. We cannot know in advance which positions will feel most comfortable, or whether we'll feel like being in water, or whether we'll want someone to hold our hand or prefer some privacy. Each birth is different. Each birth is a unique spiritual opportunity that utilizes our emunah and that can increase our emunah and deepen our relationship with Hashem. But only if we are ready and willing to let go and open up to connecting to Him through whatever experiences He sends our way.

Perhaps the author, and others in her situation, can take comfort in the thought that their experiences with unnecessary medical interventions were also designed by Hashem, and are just as much opportunities to deepen their emunah and their relationship with Him. Often it is a broken heart that impels us to seek a deeper connection and emerge as a much more whole and spiritual person.