Dear Rabbi Brody,
Problem one: My husband and I are both healthy and fertile. I am very regular as well. Yet, we've been married for eight years and have not yet been blessed with children. The doctors say that there's no reason I shouldn't get pregnant, but it just doesn't seem to happen.
Problem two: Thank G-d, we are very compatible, yet we bicker a lot over non-consequential things. Our rabbi told us to have our mezuzos and ketuba (marriage contract - LB) checked, and we did - they're all fine. I'm at my wits end. What do we do? Appreciatively, Karen from LI
The bickering is expected, since you and your husband are quite up tight with month after month of anticipation, then month after month of disappointment. I know it's not easy, but you should both sharpen your self-awareness, and avoid the senseless clashes, especially during the time of the month when you can't be intimate. The tight nerves are also counterproductive to fertility.
You may find this odd, but have you and your husband ever asked Hashem for a baby? If you were here, I'd take your husband out to the desert, give him a canteen of water, and leave him on a hilltop for an hour to yell his heart out to Hashem. Since you're not here, go with your husband to a deserted stretch of beach on Long Island Sound, take separate directions, and cry your eyes out, praying in your own words - in English - and beg Hashem for what you want. Hanna, the prophet Samuel's mother, did the same thing. So did Isaac and Rebecca. Repeat this as much as possible.
Try to eat as naturally as possible. Your husband should eat figs, garlic, and warm eggs. You both should eat red or blue grapes as well.
If you're not pregnant within the next 60 days after taking the above advice, don't despair: Rebbe Nachman of Breslev writes that living in Israel is conducive to childbearing and to peace in the home. I would therefore suggest that you seriously consider moving to Israel. If that's out of the question, I would suggest two alternatives - one, give regular charity to a worthy cause in Israel, and that way you are in effect a shareholder in Israel, and second, fill your house with Torah-oriented books printed in Israel. Another good ploy that has helped loads of people is by spreading emuna CDs all over the place. Either way, with Hashem's loving grace, I pray that you'll be parents within the next 12 months. Peace and blessings, Lazer Brody