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A young lady asks: My father has always been extremely difficult to get on with, impossible to please and has recently and unjustifiably cast away his wife; must I honor him? Here's our answer:
Posted on Thursday, 27 March 2014 at 12:01 AM in Questions and Answers | Permalink
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These times and whole cities are verbally abusive which can be also optimistic if we consider only questions about parents image and helpful to remember best moments!
C. Mazières |
Thursday, 27 March 2014 at 11:01 AM
Honoring an abusive parent is a very important message from Lazer Brody and very helpful to those who do not know what to do. Thank you Lazer for clarifying this for those who are stuck in the 'victim' mentality. This should empower them to discontinue this behavior by letting go of their guilt and honor their ability to move on and not allow bad behavior from parents, friends or anyone who tries to control. intimidate and hurt. Roxanne Perri
Roxanne Perri |
Thursday, 27 March 2014 at 04:41 PM
Rabbi; I understand what you are saying. If we take the situation where one was physcally, emotionally, and verbally abused by one of their parents growing up but that parent passed away some years back, do you still have to honour that parent? There is a part of me that hates what my father did and cannot forgive him yet the other part appreciates some of the good things in life he provided and I also try not to speak ill of those who passed away. He was a great physician but an abusive parent though I am told by my sister, not when we were little. We believe we know why he turned out the way he did but still hard to deal with the mixed obligations to honour and respect one's parent. Would love to hear what the Torah say in this type of situation.
Bryan Reingold |
Friday, 28 March 2014 at 03:24 AM
Thank You rabbi for clarifying this. I have been in this situation for years in which my parents were sadly very unhealthy verbally and emotionally abusive. I have tried everything I can to respect them with minimal contact. It is a very difficult thing to do. With the help of a Rav, I made myself guidelines in how much to be in contact with them.... This message was a great eye opener to me, that I can pray for them. May G-d heal all those that suffer from abusive relationships!
Friday, 28 March 2014 at 05:00 AM
By far this is the best response on this topic that I have ever heard. I am amazed at the validation in your concise words. I, too have been born to abusive and neglectful parents. My own rav has said, 'The greatest part of the relationship is the physical distance." Wow. When you hear it from one's own rav like that, it must mean something important. I really like your response here and will remember it. I, too have wondered about this and hear you loud and clear that davening for them is the way to honor them.
Thank you, always for imparting both your Torah wisdom and your common sense approach.
Leah Chantzi |
Tuesday, 01 April 2014 at 08:02 PM
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