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Sunday, 19 June 2016


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Bracha Devorah

If your wife is turning you off, then that means you see her as a "body" which should please your eyes not a soul. Before "fixing" her, I suggest that you work on the root problem, which is not your wife's weight. You should start thinking of all the kind things she does for you, all her good qualities, the way she cares for your children, see the image of Hashem in her spirit. A wife is very sensitive and she can sense your attitude and it only distresses her and leaves her looking for comfort. Pray for her to find that comfort and the love she seeks in Hashem, for only He can satisfy the emptiness inside. Pray for Hashem to give her health (focusing on her wellbeing, not your desire for a beautiful wife). You are to love her unconditionally. How would you feel if she lost interest in you due to a physical problem? Rather than making her your improvement project, ask her how you can support her in reaching her health goals. Don't make her feel guilty for every rugelach, because guilt will only make her feel worse and hungrier. Surprisingly, when my mother needed to drop a few pounds she would replace her dinner with a cup of coffee and slice of pie! But, for her it worked, and she lived to be 90. You cannot take something from someone without giving them something they will like better. Find activities that you both enjoy that will give her things to look forward to and help her to be more active (without it being seen as exercise). Wear tzizit if you do not currently and look upon them to guard your eyes. Every day try to do something especially nice for her, maybe offer to cook dinner and introduce some delicious healthy recipe. Remember that you and your wife are one, and she is a mirror. Do you have a bad habit that needs your attention? Also remember that a husband is to give more honour to his wife than to himself Yevamos 62b. If you look down on your wife then you do not honour her. If you look on her weaknesses and do not see your own, you do not honour her. We do have a mitzvah to care for the bodies Hashem has given us, yet some mitzvahs are harder for some than for others so the best thing we can do is pray for each other and support each other with love and gentleness, but first look to see what mitzvahs we, ourselves, are struggling with before eyeing where others are falling short. Keep things in perspective: don't her good qualities far out -"weigh" her faults? Praise her for them, pray for her, thank Hashem for her, and count yourself blessed, and remember we can never justify our own sins because of another's.

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