What day is it today? I know it's Wednesday, but I don't know the date, and I'm too lazy to look it up. Whatever. It doesn't matter. My brain is high on sugar right now. I just stuffed my face with a jelly donut minus the jelly, in honor of Chanukah. Jelly has lots of empty calories, you know.
The worst part is that I had a seriously intense workout this morning. I've discovered that I'm a closet masochist. After my morning Zumba class, I head down to the weight room, where I practically kill myself for the next hour. But it makes me feel so good! I love the energy boost and the endorphin rush that I get from working out. I also love feeling strong and in shape.
So why in the world would I sabotage a good two hours of heavy exercise with a 1,000 calorie donut? I haven't the faintest idea. Maybe it's because I'm subconsciously afraid that I'll disappear if I keep working out this way. Or maybe it's just that I really, really love jelly donuts without the jelly. Definitely the second reason.
I'm consoling my wasted hard work with the fact that: there is always Zumba tomorrow, and YES! David is finally coming home! I'm gonna get my kicks on and bolt out the door come rain, shine, snow, hail, bolts of lightning, whatever. See ya. But first, I'm gonna check out what goodies I ordered for myself, because I already forgot.
So here's what I'm thinking. So many times we put in so much hard work and effort to accomplish something, and then we end up messing it up somehow. The worst part is that we start to beat ourselves up because of it. It's very frustrating to take a few steps backward when we've worked so hard just to take one step forward.
But it's okay! This is the way life works. We're meant to move backwards in our quest to move forwards. And do you want to know the truth? Even the backwards movements are helping us move forward. I'm getting dizzy thinking about all of this backwards and forward nonsense. It's the sugar, I tell you!
There are lessons Hashem is giving us each time we take a step backward. If we manage to figure them out, our next steps forward won't just be steps- they'll be giant leaps in zero-gravity chambers!
Have a wonderful day!