Today is the day Donald Trump becomes the 45th President of the United States. Although there are many that won't exactly be celebrating his inauguration today, it seems like the entire world is holding its breath in anticipation of what the next four years will bring.
If I were elected President, those that know me would probably be moving to another solar system. I'm crazy, you know. Even though it will never happen, I still want to share my inauguration speech with all of our dear readers out there, because I'm overtired and can't think straight.
Dear Fellow Americans, I am honored to accept your appointment as your newest and most awesomest President in the history of the United States. I promise that there will be no new taxes, separate bathrooms for boys and girls, and the right for parents (especially in California) to refuse to vaccinate their children due to the overwhelming evidence of serious side effects. I promise that everyone will stop getting spied on by Facebook, Google, and the NSA, and will re-instate the inherent right we all have to some freakin' privacy. I will raise the level of education for our children, so they will finally learn that the correct spelling of "you are" is not "u r."
I want all of my fellow Americans to know that we will stop instigating wars in other countries and sending our troops over for no legitimate reason. I will de-militarize the local police so they will once again dress like Starsky and Hutch, minus the outdated hairdos. I will allow all disciplines of natural healing to be practiced without fear of persecution. The American People deserve access to the most efficient and affordable medical treatments, which are, most times, based in natural, holistic approaches. I will stop spraying deadly chemtrails into the air and poisoning our land and produce with glyphosate. All produce will be organic, and cows will once again be allowed to eat grass and walk around. Chickens will no longer die of insanity due to horrible, cramped cages. All livestock will no longer be injected with hormones and antibiotics.
I will bring back jobs to the United States and raise the minimum wage. I will stop importing illegal aliens and providing them with benefits. I will bring back traditional values to the American People, and along with that, I will bring back traditional gender roles as well. I will shut down the Federal Reserve so they can stop making crazy amounts of interest by lending money to the government. I will make tax brackets fair, so people can once again have a savings in their bank accounts.
Every year on my birthday, I will give each child $100 towards his continuing education. I will stop letting Universities become breeding grounds for the Liberal movement. I will re-instate the right to free speech, freedom to practice any religion as long as it doesn't promote violence, and freedom of expression as long as it isn't disgusting and in poor taste.
I will build apartments to house every homeless person, and provide them with three meals a day, clothing, and education, so they can work and feel human again. Widows and orphans will receive special financial benefits, and so will single working parents. No single parent should have to work two jobs and take care of her family all on her own, without any financial help.
My fellow Americans, I want to thank you for your support. I hope that the next four years will be years of blessing, of ample sustenance for all, of revolutionary, affordable health care, and peace. Most importantly, I hope that all of us can put our differences aside for the sake of working together to make this country great again. Let's minimize the name-calling, reputation-bashing, and slander, because they serve no practical purpose for the betterment of our society. Let's focus on doing positive actions for one another, and let's begin to care about each other's well-being.
Most importantly, I hope that we all learn that God is in the picture, and that He loves each and every one of us. As my inauguration gift to you, I am sending each person a free copy of The Garden of Emuna and The Garden of Gratitude.
I, as your President, wish all of us a bright future, and of course, world peace.
~President Racheli Reckles ( I really like the sound of that!)