That's a pretty interesting chanukiah, isn't it? (The kids and) I made it for our school's chanukiah building contest. This project taught me a lot about myself; namely, that I HATE school projects. I imagine I'm not the only one. Did I mention that I found three new gray hairs on my head this week? I just knew it was going to happen! Oy, the stress of dealing with five wild boys all by my weak little self while hubby is away saving the world. Okay, y'all know that I'm not weak. In fact, I'm actually a 100-foot tall, fire-breathing monster. With horns. It's true!
The truth is that it's always stressful dealing with my kids, whether or not David is here. Because really, even when he's here, he's not really here, because he's at work. So basically the only difference between him being here or out of town is twofold: one, I can't yell at him to help me get the kids ready in the mornings, and two, I can't yell at him to come home and spend quality time with the kids, which is really secret code for "get them off my hands and help me get them to bed already!"
What does all this stress have to do with the picture? Well, that picture caused me a lot of stress. Like a whole bucket o' stress. Costco sized, yo. In a two-pack. But instead of being hard on myself for realizing that I am really a Momzilla in disguise, I've decided to congratulate myself on a job well done. Because if I don't congratulate myself, ain't no one else gonna be congratulating me!
If you're a parent, you don't want to miss my latest article. If anything, it will give you great comfort to know that as messed up as you may be, you're in good company! Believe me, I ain't no tzaddekess (righteous woman!)
Speaking of stress, Rav Shalom Arush explains that stressing over making money isn't just pointless; it's also counter-productive. Most of us are familiar with that famous Talmudic phrase, "Mo' money, mo' problems." Well, it's true, especially for those that think they can outsmart Hashem by working on Shabbat. Did you know that making money, observing Shabbat, and enjoying a long, happy life can actually co-exist? Fo' rizzle! If you want The Secret to Longevity, then you've got to read the article!
You know what else is stressful? An angry wife. Shocking, right? Well, Rav Brody just reminded me that we're exactly in the middle of the Shovavim period, a time of six weeks between Parashat Shemot and Parashat Mishpatim. It's a time that is auspicious for improving personal holiness. What do angry wives and personal holiness have in common? Well, the truth is they shouldn't have anything in common! If a husband is doing his best to guard his eyes and keep personal holiness, unless he's just impossible to be around, or he's completely unhelpful around the house, or he can't figure out how to put the toilet seat down, he may actually have very little to make her angry about. But, if hubby is walking around and ogling every woman he passes, his wife is going to pick up on the vibe that she's not the only women he's checking out - and that leads to Angry Wife Syndrome.
But I promise that this is not just a theory. It's spiritual scientific fact! Rav Brody shows you how The Point System works, so you guys won't have to suffer from any more feelings of being victimized by a crazy, psychotic, bipolar, hormonal, just after birth, overloaded with laundry and too many chores, Wifezilla. (OMG I can't believe I never thought of that word before! I'll have to make an article out of that one, but who in the world could I possibly talk about??)
I've decided that I'm going to adopt Rebbetzin Yehudit Channen, our lovely and talented Emuna Therapist. I'll adopt her to be a surrogate grandmother to my kids, because apparently she knows how to teach children to say strange words like "please" and "thank you" and... this is tough for me to write.... "I'm s-s-s-sorry." Yuck. I admit - I have a hard time with those words; especially those last two. But Rebbetzin Channen understands how important it is to instill The Might of Manners in young children. Helping them grow into decent, caring, and considerate adults is a gift they will be able to use and grow from for the rest of their lives. I really hope she can do it for me. Anyhow, read this article, NOW! Please?
Last week, our other amazing Emuna Therapist, Dr. Zev Ballen, discussed the idea of transference. This means that we actually transfer our experiences from childhood, namely with our parents, onto others, and this can affect our current relationships in extreme ways; both positively and negatively. This week, he talks about the idea of transference onto Hashem. He is saying that Biography is not Destiny - you don't have to be stuck in the same place you came from, not spiritually, emotionally, or mentally.
Lori Steiner talks about the rewards of doing good for others, and for children in particular. But I want The Greatest Reward! I also want a good night's sleep, a vacation in a fancy hotel, and a new workout wardrobe. At least I'm getting the third one when David gets back, God willing. I just hope it doesn't add up to an extra suitcase! Don't worry, I already have my reply ready for when he says, "This is gonna cost me another $100!" To which I will respond, "What, I'm not worth $100?" Use my line, ladies. Use it well.
Aliza Neveloff gives us some interesting pointers on Eating Out with the Kids. Obviously she never went out to eat with my kids, because then she'd write an article called, "Don't You Ever Think About Eating at a Restaurant with these Kids." As it happens, just last night my brother was visiting us and we took the kids out to eat at a fast food shawarma restaurant. Well, it took about 10 minutes just to order because all the kids were yelling at me all at once about what they wanted and what toppings they wanted and what they didn't want and if they could have extra fries on the side and OMG even the guys behind the counter were rolling their eyes at me. Maybe I should re-read this article like 100 times. Or maybe I should just never take them out again until they're all married.
Jennifer Woodward shares enlightening experience she had while enjoying a beautiful day at the beach. While watching the beautiful waves run up to the shore, she suddenly realized that she has Control Issues. While reading her amazing description of this gorgeous Pacific Northwest beach, I suddenly realized that I have lack of vacation issues, and need to get to a gorgeous beach asap. Jenn, why didn't you invite me? It's not like I'm on another planet!
Have an awesome week!