How Embarrasing!
The Godfather's Lineage

#NOTMYCOOKIES

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I'm torturing myself right now. Aside from Shabbat, which has turned into my cheat day, I've been very good about staying away from such healthy treats like these chocolate chip cookies. First of all, I'd just like to inform you, our educated readers, that there are actually many people here in Israel that really believe canola oil is healthy. It's true! I mean, not that canola oil is healthy. I mean that people believe it's healthy. Well, you get it.

Listen, Schreiner's, just because you make an awesome cookie and I'm giving you a free plug, it doesn't give you the right to advertise your cookies as healthy when they're full of unhealthy ingredients, like canola oil, processed "whole" wheat, sugar, chocolate chips, um, excuse me, but what exactly is healthy in this cookie? So please stop with the false marketing and send me a few free boxes of your most unhealthiest cookies. And brownies. I love your brownies. I mean, I hate your brownies. Hate them! HAAAATEEEE!!!!

I'll tell you why I'm torturing myself. I just ate a cookie. I sound crazy, I know. Believe me, I know. But I wasn't even hungry. Actually, I was totally full. But you know, I work out, I eat right, and I am so bothered that it's so easy to undo everything I spent the last few days/weeks/months doing! 

You know what really drives me crazy? Just walking past these things in the kitchen. Actually, my kitchen is so small that there's no room to walk past them, so I bump into them every time I walk into the kitchen. I'm like, "Oops! Whoa, so sorry about that!... Wait a minute... you look familiar. Have we met somewhere?" I ask the box of cookies as I lean forward with a little flirtatious smile. In the meantime, I've managed to pull a fast one and slid my hand into the box to steal a cookie without the box realizing what I've done. It's because the box has fallen under the magical spell of my charm.

I gotta tell you that for the first time in my life, I'm salivating like Pavlov's dogs when I walk past any bakery. Could it be because I'm not eating it any more? Hmmmm. Will have to think about that possibility. Eureka! I just had a genius idea!

What if I start a one-woman protest called #notmycookies? I could pretend that, even though I bought the cookies and they are literally mine because I own them, I could create this fantasy in which I believe that these cookies really belong to someone else, and one day they're going to come and get them, so I can't in good conscience eat them, because that would be stealing. 

That's right, folks. I don't accept these cookies as my cookies, because I don't agree with the ingredients they're made from. I stand for health, fitness, and looking good, and these cookies stand for sugar (yum,) chocolate (yum yum,) and all those toxic ingredients. And dogs. Why in the world did I just write that? How can cookies stand for dogs? What's wrong with me? BTW, is it true? Can dogs really not eat chocolate? I had two dogs, but I loved them too much to test that theory out.

Since I have a feeling that my protest will not go viral on social media, I have another suggestion as to how we (especially ME) can avoid this constant torture of the chocolate chip cookie and all forbidden foods:

DON'T LET THEM INTO YOUR HOUSEEEE!!!!!! 

When you go to the market, DON'T go down the aisles with all of the processed garbage foods! STAY AWAY from aisles #4,5, and 6! And 7,8,9, and 10! If you find yourself in a war with your hand that refuses to let go of the box of Entenmann's chocolate-covered donuts (my absolute favorite,) smack your hand with your other hand and keep walking!

Have you figured out this week's secret to losing weight? That's right! If you don't see it, you don't want it! Don't you find that to be so true? How many times do you not want a can of Coke until you see the big red Coke truck driving by? Doesn't your mouth start to salivate? Are we all just dogs? Or is it just me?

This week, when you do your shopping, steer clear of the middle of the store. Not only will you find yourself eating less junk throughout the week, but you'll save a whole 'lot of money! I know those snacks and drinks ain't cheap!

Keep in touch with me and let me know how your week is going. Also, I'm starting a new thing. I'm inviting you to send me your recipes with a picture, and each week I'll pick one recipe and post it on Thursday so people can have time to get the ingredients and make it for Shabbat.

Email me your recipes at racheli@breslev.co.il. 

In the meantime, I'm going to help myself to another cookie (or three.) Seriously, how much longer can I drive myself crazy by looking at that box? At least I don't have to prolong my suffering, right?

~Racheli

Comments

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lea moore

My husband is a junk food junky. I got to the point that I wanted to lose weight but I just couldn't leave the goodies alone. So here is what I do. I make goodies that he likes and i don't. That way he gets his fix and I am not tempted. BTW yes you can want something even if it isn't in the house. Trust me. The question is, will you get out of the house to get some (chocolate in my case). I realized that I eat when I am not hungry. I would tell myself that I am not hungry a few different times until I would give in and say "I don't care, I WANT it!" I am getting over that with Hashems help and have to pray all the time to win the battle but I have lost 18 pounds and still working on it. It can be done!

Racheli

That's awesome, Tena! Keep up the great work! See, my secret is that I'm so busy doing laundry and cleaning up after these kids, that I don't have time to think about food that's not directly in front of my face. ;)

Tena

Lol, Racheli, you meant Lea here in response to her post, yes? ๐Ÿ˜‰
You are so right! Just don't bring it into the home! ๐Ÿ˜„

Lea, that is great you've lost 18 lbs.! Just keep doing what you're doing and it will keep coming off. I eat dates when I get a sweets craving. Also, the less you eat of chocolate, etc., the less you will crave. I crave salads and broccoli now because I eat them so much. There was a day I ate ice cream almost every night. Now I don't care about it at all! My husband too is a little less disciplined, so I buy him dried mangos (without sugar) and when we need a little bite of chocolate I keep Simply Lite chocolate bars in the fridge; they are sweetened with agave instead of sugar. On Shabbat nights I make a healthy dessert as a special treat. Oh, and if you can get Coconut Bliss ice "cream" (dairy and sugar free) my family loves that! Blessings!

Elena Kuchik

haha you should
read "Toad and Frog making cookies" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc1TMyGPsiY

Rivka

...proving that "kosher" does not necessarily equal "healthy".

Racheli

You're right, Tena. The less I eat something, the less I find I crave it. But I gotta tell you that I still have a feeling of deprivation when I see treats that I won't eat now, because I'm not used to not letting myself eat whatever I want. I've always had a super-fast metabolism growing up, so I was able to eat and eat and never gain weight! Now, unfortunately, reality has caught up with me. So I try to catch myself and remind myself that the two seconds of taste bud heaven is just not worth it. And, I wish we had those treats here! Things like that are only sold in the health food stores, and they're crazy expensive!

Racheli

Sounds cute, Elena! I'll try to check it out later. BTW, Rav Brody told me the event was amazing! Kol Hakavod!!

Racheli

You're absolutely right, Rivka. It also doesn't mean free from cruelty to animals, sadly enough. Cows and chickens are raised in the exact same cramped conditions for both kosher and non-kosher brands, and veal is still considered kosher, which I find terrible. I imagine that the Rema and the Shulchan Aruch never would have thought that the conditions for raising livestock would deteriorate to the point that they exist today. Would they still consider animals raised in such horrifying conditions kosher? It's an interesting thought.

ChavaG

"Can dogs really not eat chocolate?" Correct, they cannot. It is poison to them; they could die if you give it to them. They still want it nonetheless! I'm sure you know this, Racheli, since you loved your dogs enough not to give in to them; but this is for those who really don't know.

Racheli

Thanks, Chava! I had obviously heard it, you're right, but I just wanted to know if it was something that everyone tells each other but isn't really true, or if there was a real basis for saying it. My husband's dog had a bottomless pit for a stomach. One night, before we had kids, we went out, and David left 12 packs of tortillas that he got from a business trip on the counter, he thought far enough back that she couldn't read them. Well, when we came home, you can imagine that all 12 packs were eaten! I don't even want to tell you the mess she made in the house that night... and guess who had to clean it up?!

Elena Kuchik

Thank you, Racheli!!!
it was amazing!!!!!To see Rav Lazer Brody first time in person in our house!!!!And on the other hand it felt like I already know him for so many years!
the story (Frog and Toad) talks about something called willpower..:)(forgot what it is..haha)
they baked cookies and couldn't stop eating them...were trying different techniques, but it didn't work...eventually they gave cookies to the birds..only to regret it and make another batch :)
we are all hopeless...But Rabbi Nachman said - there is no despair! :)

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