Next Tuesday: Philadelphia!
Tomorrow Night in Silver Spring



Don't tell David. 

I was doing a three-point turn in a very narrow dead-end driveway, and the camera in the back didn't see the pole that refused to get out of the way. Ya chutzpan echad. That means, "You impudent, shameless, audacious pole, you." But it's all good! I already banged up the other side in the exact same way, so now they both match. I saved the broken tail light pieces so I can tape them back together good as new.

Incidentally, it's unbelievable how many times I've crashed my car into something since I've been in Israel. My car is not even six years old and it looks like it's at least 129. That's right, Americans. SIX years. SAME car. Leasing is just coming on to the scene. It's amazing that a country that is the world's leader in technological advances is so third-world in so many ways. For example, central a/c is almost unheard of! And so is a dryer! And a dishwasher! And two cars per family! OMG, I hope I'm not discouraging any of you from making aliyah. Living here is awesome!

So what was the point of this post? Oh, right! TGIF. 

I just couldn't help myself. I really do find it funny.

So today has been an especially aggravating day, partially because I couldn't do any weight training, and partially (mostly) because the kids have been home since noon. And they've been driving me insane. And I couldn't manage to score an invite to anyone's house tonight. I'm not sure why that is. I mean, aren't we likable? On the other hand, it could be the screaming that my neighbors two buildings down are constantly hearing coming from my (downstairs neighbors') apartment. I think everyone's afraid of us (me.) Sigh.

So this really has nothing to do with anything, but I've just got to share this funny story with you. Today I thought I would treat my kids to some oily, fried, overpriced restaurant Shabbat catering food. It's pretty expensive, but I thought it would make tonight a little more exciting (for me.) Anyhow, I know the owner at the restaurant we usually go to, because I've managed to get him to give me lots of free food for "someone else." I'm serious. It really wasn't for me.

Today, before I let the bulls loose, i.e. the kids grab whatever they wanted,  I asked the owner to give me a serious discount. He said in typical Israeli fashion, "Sure, I'll take care of you." I knew better than to ask him exactly how much of a discount he would give. Israelis want you to trust them. It's good for their massive egos. I couldn't keep track of all the kids running and scooping and labeling their containers, and soon enough, we ended up with about 15 containers of food. OMG. This was going to be expensive.

I reminded my friend the owner of our discount agreement, and before the discount, the total came to 250 shekel. Then, he surprised me by saying, "Okay, pay me whatever you want." Whaaaa? R U Serious?? I looked at him like he was crazy, which maybe he really was, and then, BAM! I just got a brilliant idea.

Alright. I can pay what I want? In that case, let me just grab a few more things. 

So the "whatever you want to pay" discount just wasn't enough. I had to use my Israeli powers of bargaining/borderline abusing a favor to the max. And if that weren't enough, I ran to get some more baked salmon fillet and delicious looking meatballs. I mean, if I'm already getting a sweet deal, why not stock up for the rest of the week? 

I can't believe I'm actually writing this.

But wait! It gets even better!

So then the bill came to 336 shek. And I told the cash register guy I'll pay him 250. Then, just as he finished ringing me up, the owner comes over to us and tells him he made a mistake. Then, he hands me a 100 shek bill. "I only wanted to charge you 150, not 250," he says. R U Fo' Serious?!! I almost hugged the guy. 

And off I skipped along my merry way, with my oldest son soooo angry at me for accepting money back, telling me that we're not poor and it's so embarrassing what I did. 

One day, you'll understand, kid. 

On that note, I hope you all have a wonderful Shabbat! And for those folks out in wherever you are, don't tell David - just show him the pic of the car and watch his facial expressions. Note all changes of color and count the beads of angry perspiration on the forehead. Even better, have someone else film him as you show him the pic. Then send it to me so I can watch it myself and thank God that I'm 5,000 (?) miles away from him. 



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