That's some gorgeous beach, isn't it? This pic is an almost perfect image of my fantasy. Here are the minor changes I'm requesting: there should only be one chair for me, because David would be home watching the kids. There should also be a side table with champagne and exotic fruits within my lazy arm's reach. Off by that shaded area under the palm tree, there should be a massage table with a masseuse standing there, ready to give me my hot stone massage.
Sigh. One day, my redemption will come, and I'll be able to get a little real vacay time at some private beach that I'd have to fly far, far away on international first class to reach.
Now, I might have to wait a very, very long time for my fantasy to come true, but Rav Arush says that your redemption is here right now! Hey guys, I'm specifically talking to you! Rav Arush explains that lust and improper thoughts make you a slave to your physical desires. Hence, you're in a type of mental prison or indentured servitude to your evil inclination. Take your pick. However, Rav Arush explains that The Time Has Come to break free from the death grip of your animal self, and actually evolve into a refined human being! Who would have thought such a thing could happen? Guys, if you want freedom, read this article!
I just found out that Rav Brody has a fantasy, too. It's true! His fantasy is that all Israeli flags should have a big plate of hummus in the middle instead of the Magen David, because hummus is the symbol of Israeli unity. How appropriate, considering that tomorrow is Israeli Independence day. But seriously, the conversation he overheard at the supermarket recently was so incredible, that he had to write about it. And what was that conversation about? It was about a husband yelling at his wife to Put the Hummus Back! I'm not kidding. So what was so incredible? The fact that the husband was yelling at his wife in public? Believe me, there ain't nothing strange about that over here. If you want to know, you've got to READ THE ARTICLE! (I'm actually yelling at you right there.)
I can tell you every husband's fantasy. It's not what you think, ladies! Every husband's fantasy is that his wife will stop nagging him. Forever! To that, I say, "NEVER!!" Har, har, har (evil laugh.) David, I mean "Jonathan," writes me that his wife has inexplicably started nagging him like crazy after 10 years of marriage. I was like, "After 10 years? Why did she wait that long?" Anyhow, I gave "Jonathan" an answer that made him cry and his wife cheer and jump for joy. Hubbies, if you're on the verge of telling your wife, "Get off My Back," then you've just got to read my latest! Do it now, before she runs up an insanely high credit card bill at Bloomingdale's. Run, ladies, run!
This is unbelievable. Not only is Rebbetzin Channen revealing the misguided fantasy that people think emuna should be, but yet again she gave me chills at the end of her article! OMG. Many of us think that having emuna means you're never supposed to get angry or upset when a test comes your way. Like, that's soooo not true! She shows us that throughout our history, we've had less than perfect emuna, and that's the way it's supposed to be! Why? Read her article, Time after Time. (Did you get my not-so-clever play on words?)
I don't think I can handle reading two articles by Rebbetzin Channen, because I'm starting to feel like it's winter in my room. What's this thing with getting chills every time I read her articles? Honestly, I'm getting a little annoyed with myself. But what can I do? Her writing is that good. This one talks about the different galaxy that she recently traveled to, commonly known as Australia. OMG is this another world! So calm. So polite. So the polar opposite of living in Israel! You've got to read the amazing insights she received From Down Under. She just gave me a new fantasy. One day, Israelis will live like Australians, and not run each other over with their grocery carts. Yeah, right.
Lori Steiner is too organized for me as she shares with us a very, well, organized plan (did you catch that?) of how to focus on the good when we go through challenges. Obviously it's not as fun as throwing yourself on the ground in a massive temper tantrum, but it's much more effective at warding off the evil spirits. So I started reading this article, and the first point was about taking it personally. And then I was done. I couldn't handle any more truth. Don't worry, Lori, I'm just kidding! She's so on the money, someone should pay her for her latest, Chart it and Discard it. But really, Lory, what am I supposed to do if the second category is my absolute favorite game of all time that I love to play with my husband?? Maybe I'll fantasize that he never does anything wrong. Let's see how that goes.
I am flattered that Dovber HaLevy decided to name his article after my gym obsession, called Flexing the Joy Muscle. Dovber, how did you know that I love to work out so much? I really do smile when I do that Superman pose in the mirror, and I don't care that all the women there are giving me strange looks and whispering to each other. Then, I turn around and yell at them, "Let's see YOUR muscles, ladies!" It's true. I'm completely crazy. Maybe it's because I haven't worked out since last Thursday, because I pulled some tendons in my shoulder and hip. It's all David's fault. Sorry, Dovber. If you peeps out there seriously want to be happy, then listen up to Dovber's tips!
AND.... did you know that Rav Brody is coming to North America in just two weeks??? Check out the link for dates and locations.
You don't want to miss this tour! It's going to be motivational! Inspiring! Strobe lights and smoke machines! Hallelujah!!
I've got to get back to the gym...