I'm having a midlife crisis. And no, it's not a misspelling. See, in Hebrew, there is no "th" sound, so people use "f" instead. My kids do it all the time. Oh, here's a great example: "My fum erts." Let's break it down, Zumba style. My = my. Fum = thumb. Erts = hurts. There is a strange phenomenon here also, where people don't pronounce the "h" sound when there is an h in the beginning of the word, but they will add an "h" sound when there is no h!! Eggs = heggs. iphone = hiphone. Hungry = ungry. Actually, it's more like "ahngry," like when the doctor tells you to say, "ah." Old = hold.
Which brings me back to my midlife crisis. I'm 39 today. 39!! What happened to my youth? Sorry, youf. What happened to my youf? My life? Where did it go? What are all of these kids doing in my house? Can somebody call their mahzer to come get them? Mahzer = mother. I tell you, the Hebrew version of English is completely wack.
It seems that my midlife crisis is making me a little oversensitive. So what do I have planned for my big day? Besides crying, I had a killer workout this morning, and then I went food shopping, and now I'z 'bout to do the laundry, laundry, dishes, dishes. Laundry and dishes. And if I play my cards right, maybe David will take me out to the local falafel stand down the street. He's so romantic.
Since I can't afford a luxury sports car, I did the next best thing and treated myself to some "buy one, get one free" jewelry. I'm all blinged out. Is this too much?
Fyi, that was a really hard selfie to take. And I didn't even show you the other hand! I'm in a crisis. It's obvious. But really, I just love a good sale. David thinks I've lost my mind. To which I respond, "If I were normal, I wouldn't have married you, honey."
I gotta tell you, this past year has been the best year of my life. I got to start writing on the Beams, and I still can't believe I haven't been kicked off yet, to be honest. I started feeling like a human again and not like a shmata (floor rag.) I'm healthy, have beautiful and healthy kids, and a hubby that puts up with my nonsense. My car still runs, which is pretty incredible. I'm still writing for Breslev Israel after almost 8 years. I live in the most amazing country in the world.
If only we could reflect on our trillions of blessings every day. We have so much to be grateful for.
On a person's birthday, it's auspicious to give a blessing to others, so here's mine to you, dear readers: You should be blessed with great health, loving and joyful marriages, a soulmate if you're looking, abundant income, beautiful and healthy children, and an ever-growing connection to Hashem, Who loves you more than you can ever imagine. And, of course, emuna and gratitude. Because what life is worth living without them?
Enjoy your day, and remember, I'm still accepting gifts until the end of the monf!