Sigh... Isn't that a gorgeous picture? By now, many of you may be aware of my cruise obsession. To me, cruising is a fantastic way to visit many places in one trip, and the best part is that you can eat until you explode. Between you and me, I'm still holding on to this romantic fantasy of cruising in five-star style around the world, visiting all of the beautiful and exciting places on this gorgeous planet of ours. However, I bet you didn't know this little story that I'm about to tell you.
Once upon a time, about 15 years ago, David made a promise. He promised me that he would take me on a romantic luxury cruise. Of course, it never happened. Actually, it wasn't really even a romantic promise. We had a bet over the stupidest thing ever. We were in the car on Collins Avenue in North Miami Beach, and I told him there was a "no U turn" sign at the intersection where he wanted to turn. He insisted that there was, even though the sign was facing oncoming traffic, and you couldn't see what it said from where we were. Being that I've lived in Miami since the day I was born, I figured that I would win this bet, and sure enough, I did. Actually, I could see the back of the sign, so I knew for sure that I was right, but of course I didn't tell him. Mr. Oblivious was, and still is, a terrible driver. Terrible. He doesn't even look left when he enters the traffic circles! I yell at him every time, but it doesn't seem to help.
Being that he made this promise about 15 years ago, and we ain't goin' on no cruise for a looooong time, I'm calling it the Eternal Promise. One day, G-d willing, I'll get my fancy luxury cruise. Maybe I'll reserve the Presidential Suite now for the year 2036. In kabbalistic terms we call that "building our vessels." See, if you want Hashem to bless you with something, you've got to do something to create a spiritual vessel to receive it. So that's what I'm doing.
I heard there were some really gorgeous kosher European cruises through the famous rivers. Have any of you been on an awesome kosher cruise? Please tell me! I've got to start doing my research, because I only have 19 years left to figure it out! It is 2017, right?
Speaking of long-term promises, Rav Shalom Arush writes that our very own beloved Rebbe Nachman gave all of us a promise that sounds too good to be true. Actually, it's not too good to be true, or it wouldn't be true - right? Am I making sense? Did I write it backward? I'm tired and not thinking straight because my little boyfriend woke up in the middle of the night after I went to sleep too late, and he insisted that I make his milky, to which I adamantly refused because I couldn't stand up straight. Once David brought him the milky, he started freaking out because his Slave Girl didn't do it. I really am his Slave Girl. Maybe I'll make myself a cool logo. SG. Sounds hip. Any of you a graphic designer? Make me one and I'll create a post around it. That would be so awesome!
Back to Rebbe Nachman's Eternal Promise. What is it? I'll give you a hint... Rebbe Nachman promises that if you devote an hour a day to personal prayer, even if you don't say anything, you will win... A NEW CARRRRRR!!! Okay, so the prize is even better. What's that? You want me to tell you what the prize is? C'mon, I'm not going to spoil it for you!
Speaking of promises, Rav Brody's got an amazing promise for parents who commit to spending more quality time with their children, especially if that quality time involves learning Torah together. He's got a few incredible and true stories about The Big Payoff that parents have experienced after they started learning with their children, even if it meant sacrificing time from work. Speaking of big payoffs, I'm still waiting for David to get his so he can take me on our 50th anniversary cruise in 2053.
You know what? I have a promise for you, too! I promise that if you read my article, you'll get a whole new understanding of abusive relationships. A lady asked me a very important and perplexing question: "If Hashem let me marry him, it must mean I’m supposed to stay married to him. So why is Hashem letting him treat me this way??" Don't miss my perplexing answer in Enough!
If you want to know the truth, most of us married folk have no idea what we're doing. Be honest! I think that most of us are just immature overgrown kids Growing Up Together with our spouses. At least, that's what my husband is. I'm perfect. Really. I insist. Don't miss Rebbetzin Yehudit Channen's mature article about immature people! And, don't forget - if you need some guidance with your marriage or anything else in your life, make an appointment with Rebbetzin Channen at once! Contact Aharon at email@example.com.
If you like firey Torah, don't miss Rabbi Avigdor Miller's powerful article, Don't Question Hashem.
It's official - I'm a genius! Just by looking at the title of the next article, Pro-Palestine Jews, I knew it was written by Dovber HaLevy! Ooh, and it's a good one, too! But for some reason, I felt like saying, "Yo' mama!" at the end of it. I'm not really sure why.
Here's a profound question: is there something beyond happiness? How can you be beyond happy? Does that mean you're ecstatic? Isn't ecstatic an extension of happiness? Does your brain hurt? Don't worry! Dr. Zev Ballen gives us all the answers in Beyond Happiness. And don't forget - Dr. Ballen is the ONLY therapist in the world that was hand-picked by Rav Arush to combine his years of experience in traditional therapy with emuna. What he can help you do would take months with a regular therapist! Why? Read about Emuna Therapy and then you'll understand. You can also schedule an appointment with him via Aharon at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This next story about The Miracle Car by H.K. Shulkin made me cry. I'm serious! I had tears running down my cheeks! Maybe they're really tears of tiredness. I'm exhausted! Anyhow, this story is truly unbelievable, except that it's true! Read it! OMG, I just realized that I wrote about a NEW CARRRR, and now I just read this story about a NEW CARRRR!! Genius and psychic?! What a combination!!
Have a fantastic day!