Hey everyone! How you beeeen? I've been great, thanks for asking. Except for the fact that my oldest son keeps calling me from school every day, giving me all kinds of excuses as to why he needs to go home. Whatcha think, kid? I ain't no friar! By friar, I don't mean a clergyman. I mean a sucker. I been around the block, kid! I know all ur tricks and den sum!
It reminds me of when I was in 10th grade. Everyone used to skip band class, and so once in a while (like every other day,) I'd join them at the local bagel shop. So one morning, I walked into the bagel shop and see my parents sitting there, having breakfast! OMG. I pulled a John Travolta and cooly sauntered over to them, chewing on an invisible toothpick and trying not to let my heart beat out of its chest. "Yo, what up," I asked with a nonchalant nod of my chin, as if it were the most normal thing for me to be in a restaurant at 10:30 in da morn'. They be like, "You know what time it is?! It be 10:30 in da morn'!" Okay, so it was really more like, "Do you know what time eet eees?? EEET EEES 10: Tirty eeen de morneeeng!" Read it out loud. Then you'll laugh, I promise.
So what was I saying?
Oh, right. The skinny girl's diet. First of all, I'm mad at David because he told me that no one wants dieting advice from a skinny girl. (Actually, he didn't use the word "girl," but I ain't gonna go there.) Well I suppose it's preferable to take dieting advice from a fat girl. That makes a whole 'lotta sense. Keep those brain cells for your job, honey.
You know, I may look like a skinny girl with some rockin' biceps, but inside, I really look like this:
Okay, I lied. I don't look like this, but I feel like this - especially when I'm mad. But really, I feel all green and muscular because I'm eating healthy and exercising. I think all the superfoods I'm eating are what turned my skin green. It's like I'm turning into a giant chlorella. Chlorella. Sounds like a disease.
Since losing weight is near the top of everyone's "To Do (Eventually, when I have time or am really out of important things to do)" list, I wanted to share with you a little secret that will help get your weight loss on the fast track:
KEEP YOUR INSULIN DOWN!
That's actually the major secret of not only weight loss, but also of curing diabetes, as I wrote in Bye, Bye, Diabetes.
What's the problem with insulin? Well, nothing, unless you're producing a lot of it. Insulin is a hormone that's secreted by the pancreas, which turns the sugar from carbohydrates into usable energy. It also normalizes blood sugar, so you don't have too much or too little in the bloodstream. BUT!! Insulin also does something else.
It tells your body to store calories as fat!
Every time you eat something with lots of carbs and/or sugar, you are just raising your insulin and sabotaging your weight loss efforts. Even sugar-free foods can be high in carbs, so beware! Dairy? Fuggetaboutit!
Here's a little mini-secret: if you want to lose lots of weight, get off the dairy! Dairy is loaded with hormones, blood, pus, antibiotics, and G-d-knows-what-else they put into those poor cows. If you must have dairy, eat goat or sheep products. But keep it as limited as possible. Dairy is very bloating and very insulogenic. Interestingly, high fat cream and butter are the exceptions. You can read about it in the website I linked to.
I'm not going to give you a complicated system. All I'm telling you is that if you want to lose weight, your goal needs to be to keep your insulin as low as possible. That means low carbs and sugar. If you must have carbs, eat healthy carbs, like quinoa and whole grain rice. If you want bread, eat sprouted whole wheat, spelt, or rye, and find a bread without yeast. In my opinion, fruits are no problem, but you must only eat them before a meal. Eating them after will raise your insulin and make your body store whatever you just ate as fat.
Here is a fantastic website that you should check out. The only area that I differ in opinion from him is that he allows more animal products than I'm comfortable with. In any case, too much red meat and chicken isn't good for you, simply because of the amounts of hormones and antibiotics they're putting in them. If you get organic, I would still recommend you not overdoing it on the animal protein.
I'd love to hear your comments! (Especially about the awesome selfie I posted!)