As much as I'd like to say that title is referring to yours truly, it's not. While it's true that I punch harder than David, I'll save the self-glorification for another time. Today is the yarzheit of Rachel Imeinu, otherwise known as Rachel our Matriarch.
She was one of the strongest female characters in the history of the werrrld, as one of my kids says. Go ahead say it. Werrrlld. It's the Israeli version of "world." Actually, maybe verrld might be more accurate. It's a strange phenomenon here - Israelis love to reverse the v and w of any English word. Maybe they do it on purpose just to confuse us and make us feel stupid. Here are a few examples, just for fun:
Vacuum = wacuum
Wipers = vipers
Wine = vine
Welcome = velcome
Am I talking Israeli or Polish? Now I'm starting to wonder. I mean, vonder. Oh, and I might as well mention the mystery of the additional h to every word that starts with a vowel. For example:
iPhone = hiPhone
in-laws = hin-laws
eggs = heggs
eyesight = heyesight
elementary = helementary. Come to think of it, wouldn't hell-ementary be so much more accurate? Seriously, how much homework can we do? Don't we have other responsibilities besides doing our kids' homework that only Ph.D's can understand??
Oh, and last thing, I promise! How can I not mention the magical disappearing h? You know, the h that's supposed to be on a word but for some reason some Israeli decided to delete it?
helicopter = elicopter
hand = and. Actually, it's more like end, as in "give me your end." LOLOLOL!!!!
homework = omework
happy = appy. Actually, it's more like eppy. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT??? I'M SO EPPY FOR YOU!!
I meant, halrighty then...
Wow, was that a tangent. Let's get back to talking about one of the most famous Rachels in the world besides me - Rachel Immenu. She was - how do I put this - one crazy strong woman. I bet she could beat me in an arm wrestling contest. She probably wouldn't beat my friend Tizppy, though. AM I RIGHT, TZIPPY???
As one of our four matriarchs, Rachel had special super duper female powers that she passed on to us, her pathetic, misguided, and utterly lost progeny who can't seem to recognize right from wrong anymore. Just kidding. What I meant to say is that we're awesome.
Aside from the usual stories you can read about Mama Rachel, I'd like to share a different perspective on what kind of a woman she was.
If I could sum up her character in one word, it would be STRONG.
She had an incredible inner strength that enabled her to do the right thing even though it might have killed her, both figuratively and literally. Here are a few popular examples of Rachel's strength:
She let her sister Leah marry Jacob, just to save her from having to marry Esav. Even though she was in love with Jacob and he was in love with her, she decided to do the right thing and save her sister from being the wife of the love child of Harvey Weinstein and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
She stole her father's idols as Jacob and crew were moving out. Even though Jacob cursed the one who had stolen Laban's idols, Rachel remained quiet and didn't beat Jacob with a frying pan for just having cursed the life out of her. This Rachel certainly would have.
She (supposedly) willingly shared her husband with three other wives, overcoming her natural jealousy for wanting her man all to herself. LADIES, I DON'T RECOMMEND YOU DO THIS!! But seriously, let's get real. What Jewish man would want more than one Jewish wife? The suicidal Jewish man, that's who.
All in all, Rachel was one cool mama.
And what's even cooler is that today, her yarzheit, is a great opportunity for us to access her strength. We all have the strength to get through serious challenges. The problem is we don't give ourselves enough of a chance. Rachel knew that doing the right thing was more important than making the situation work out how she wanted, and I think that clear realization gave her the superhuman strength to get through such difficult tests.
Light a candle for this special woman and access your inner strength. Speaking of strength, I'm feeling kind of Hulkish these days. Maybe I'll challenge my friend Tzippy to an arm wrestling match. TZIPPY, IT'S ONNNNN!!! U'Z GOIN' DOWN!!!
On second thought, I'll stick with the 14kg kettlebell swings...