The First Blemish
A Healthy Winter!

My Fire Will Burn




My stomach is about to burst. Yet I can't stop eating. Right now I'm enjoying a disgustingly appetizing mix of canned mercury tuna, guacamole, salsa, and re-fried black beans. I put them on this Hulk-green veggie cracker. David's going to let me have it when he finds out, because I made so much fun of his breakfast this morning. And then I made the same thing.

Is food envy a real thing? Like, psychologically? What does it mean?

Deep thoughts aside, I'd just like to say that I'm fed up of being in the kitchen. I spent most of my Sukkot cooking... in the kitchen. Because where else would I cook? In addition, most laundry was off limits, so I had some free time. It's not like I have a life or anything. The truth is, I didn't leave Bet Shemesh because I'm terrified of getting stuck in traffic with five kids in the car. Someone suggested that I take them to the zoo, but I was like, why would I do that? I live at the zoo. 

If you still have some brain space left, then you're probably wondering why I posted a picture of half my stove top. It's because I had no idea what else to post. 

So here are the real reasons. First, I was too lazy to clean the other half. Second, on Shabbat, we had my husband's second cousin twice removed and her family over. What in the world does that mean?! What is a second cousin twice removed? Is that the same thing as a third cousin? Is it easier than saying, "My mother's cousin's daughter's from her mother's side?

We were talking about her new neighbor, who happens to be Breslev, and my husband asked her jokingly if she had a big "B" on her forehead, to which I responded, "No, she has the fire symbol in diamonds on her forehead."

This fire symbol is actually made up of part of Rebbe Nachman's famous phrase, "My fire will burn until the Mashiach." After saying that to him, it occurred to me that Rebbe Nachman and I have something in common.

My fire will also burn until the Mashiach, because of all these holidays that I keep having to cook for. I hope the Mashiach comes soon, because I'm ready to go on strike. Can anyone tell me why there's no kosher Chinese take-out here? I mean, is that normal?? We're a town of like, 100,000 Jews! WHERE'S THE CHINESE FOOD??? 

But seriously, how much can one woman cook? And shop? And watch the laundry grow and invade the rest of the house like the Blob? And suffer through two endless weeks of kids at home? I went food shopping yet again this morning so I can spend the rest of today getting my nails done. Plus, I didn't go to Zumba this morning. I'm a very irritated Iraqi. Stay away. 

This has been a loooong month for all of us. And it's been even longer for all of you that don't live in Israel. The two day plus Shabbat holiday thing is crazy hard! I gotta give you guys a lot of credit. 

Guys? Did I just write guys? I meant Gals! Holy women, the credit and admiration goes to you! Without your hard work and major lack of sleep, most of us might be enjoying our holiday dinners with a can of tuna or a salami sandwich. Give yourselves a pat on the back. Better yet, treat yourselves to a massage. I'll also give credit to any man who was man enough to help his wife or take care of the meals on his own. You rock.

All of you who have celebrated this intense month of holidays should know - your fire burns bright, too. Your souls are lit up from all of the spiritual energy that you've been connecting to, and this will carry you through an exciting year filled with every blessing you need. Very soon, G-d willing, we will greet our Mashiach together with great joy and lots of dancing! 

Speaking of dancing, wishing you all a wonderful and joyous Simchat Torah!

Oh, and one more thing. If you think my food concoction was gross, you should just know that one of my son's friends came over just now with a can of sardines. He ate the whole thing and managed to leave globs of smelly sardine oil on my new tablecloth. Thank G-d it was plastic. Okay, my stomach is not happy right now. Gotta go wake Sleeping Beauty so I can complain to him about his revolting food creation. 


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Shavua Tov!

Racheli. I have been reading your page for quite a long time...
thank you.

This one you posted titled: My Fire will burn", made me laugh out loud. Thank you...

I love your sense of humour and your style of writng.

Hashem bless you and yours.



Chag samach.
I hope you have a wonderful chag so far. I thought I had to slave over a hot stove lol. Truth is we all do best for succot so it can be enjoyed by our family, even when you feel like you're being pooped. Just remember hashem likes it if you do your best.
I lose sight of this sometimes but its all good in the end. As for the elections. I don't know who belongs in jail or in the mental institution, sign I can't wait until the elections are over.

Elena Kuchik

that's hilarious! Hag sameach!


Thank you so much, Zipporah! You have great taste! I hope you had a wonderful Simchat Torah!


Yes, Messody, you're right on both counts. We're both exhausted, but Hashem is proud of us, and we're both terrified of the future President, whichever lunatic that will be. Hashem yirachem.


Elena, you have a fantastic sense of humor!


I gotta agree with the ladies above - Racheli, you are so funny! I can just hear Mike Myers's Linda Richman imitation right now, reading your article!

May we all have a geula-filled year!


OMG, Chava, I used to LOVE her!! Isn't it so sad she's not real? But maybe she really is... I know of a few Lindas like that. They get me so pheclempt!! And might I add that you have very fine taste! lol


That sounds delicious! I could eat that right now! Lol!

May you recuperate speedily and have a wonderful Simchat Torah! (Wish so much I could be there to celebrate with you! Someday, HaShem willing). 馃槃馃檹鉂わ笍


I seriously just laughed out loud in my kitchen when I read "how much can one woman cook? And shop? And watch the laundry grow and invade the rest of the house like the Blob? And suffer through two endless weeks of kids at home?"

It's funny to me because that is my every. single. day. I home school my four children (9,7,4,3 yrs) and run our mini-vegan-farm while my husband teaches. Everything gets cooked from scratch (feeding 6 people vegetarian on a teacher's salary. Oy) and no matter HOW many loads of laundry I do, the pile never gets any smaller. That might be because my children are mud-monkeys and enjoy coating themselves in earth. I feel your pain. Seriously.

"Two endless weeks of kids at home"... I think I just peed my pants laughing. :D

Sophia Solomon

Honestly, if your boys are old enough to travel to Uman, then are they not old enough to learn to help to laundry? open cans of tuna and make a salad or two? etc., shopping for sure, etc., etc., I give jobs to all the little ones and as they grow they graduate up to the next skill level. And BOYS need to learn how to do everything in the home, your future daughter-in-laws will thank you and worship the ground you walk on. And add sewing to that list. Mending and repairing. Your work load should be leveling out with every child past the age of 5.


Heather, you just made my day!! Thanks so much for not only laughing at my ridiculous humor, but joining me in my suffering! ;)) I don't know how YOU do it! Cooking everything from scratch and running a farm? That's crazy hard work! Send me some pics! I'd love to see your farm! Thanks again!!


Sophia, you sound like me from 10 years ago. I said the exact same thing! Unfortunately it's not so easy to train my boys, but I'm trying! Just to get them to pick up their shoes I've got to pull out the Freddy Crougar voice. :)) B"H they know how to do dishes, and my oldest one can make a mean scrambled egg. All that's left is laundry! And folding. And putting stuff away. But I do send them food shopping for small stuff. Slowly, slowly, right? ;) Thanks for writing in!


Tena!! When are you coming over already?!!

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