As if the most exciting thing in Bet Shemesh wasn't exciting enough.
They went and made my car wash look like a New Year's Eve party by making the foam glow-in-the dark colors. How cool is that?! Now I can dance in my car as I drive through the Ultimate Party Wisshitty Wash. I'm thinking about suggesting to the gas station manager that they put in some extra large super duper powerful speakers with Bluetooth that'll connect with your phone, so when you go through the car wash you and the rest of Bet Shemesh can listen to your music. I also think that this setup would be so cool if there were cash bills being shot out along with the radioactive foam. Can't you just see it?
Oh, and I just got another great idea! The, um, what do you call those tracks that the car rides on? I dunno. Anyhow, those conveyor belt thingies will be hooked up with hydraulics so the car will bounce to the beat on its way through the car wash. Then everyone can sue the gas company for giving them whiplash.
So I've got tons of car drama these days. It's like Kapparot every day of the week lately, baruch Hashem. For those of you who don't know what Kapparot is, it's the day before Yom Kippur when we put all of our sins on a chicken and then sacrifice it so our looooonnnnnggggg list of transgressions between man and Hashem disappears. The sacrificed animal is called a kapparah.
Israelis love to use this word at least three times during a conversation, preferably twice per every 2 1/2 sentences. They love to refer to each other as "kapparah" though I have no idea why. It's an affectionate term 'round dese dere parts. Now I'm wondering if it's a passive-aggressive expression of love. Like, I love you but I really want to roast you over an open fire because you're gettin' all up in my business with your well-meaning advice that no one asked you for.
Let's talk about this car of mine. I took it for the annual test and of course it failed. I was sooo mad! So what if my front bumper has a fog light hanging off and half the grill missing? Is it really such a problem that it's so dented that a piece of the bumper is actually pointing outward? Like it's cut in half in one part. Shame I don't have a picture. But really, is that a good reason to not pass my car??
Why am I so mad about this? Because I have to replace the entire front bumper, which costs thousands of shekels! And since it's so expensive, I have to go through my insurance, which will obviously raise my rates G-d knows how much.
As if that weren't enough, during the same week I failed the car test, my car gave me all those problems with starting. Remember I wrote about it a few weeks ago? Or was it last week? OMG what day is it??
So it turns out the fuel pump went to a better place and took some electrical wiring with it. That's another several thousand shekel, and it's not covered by my warranty! What a bummer!!
I had the mechanic give me one of their cars, and of course that was another set of problems. First the rear tail light wasn't working. Then I noticed the left rear view mirror was cracked and made everything look deformed. Then I couldn't figure out where the door lock button was, because it wasn't on the door. I mean, why should they put it on the door? They put it on the dashboard, next to the hazard light button, because doesn't that make so much more sense?
As if that weren't ridiculous enough, when I took the car to get gas, I couldn't figure out how to open the little gas door! For twenty minutes I was standing at the pump, trying all kinds of tactics to get that door to open, looking around for a hidden lever or button somewhere, but found nothing. I called two different guys over and no one could figure it out!
Finally I had to call David who actually had to look it up online. And boy, is it complicated! You have to click the unlock button on your key twice while it's in the ignition and then tap your heels together six times while repeatedly chanting, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."
And the worst part is last week I bought a new pair of sneakers that were a size and a half too small!!
I still can't get over it. How could I make such a massive mistake?? I tried the shoes on, for G-d's sake! They felt fine! But the rest of the week I had such terrible foot pain during Zumba that I couldn't even jump by the end of the week. But I jumped anyway, 'cause I'm no quitter. So what if my feet felt like they were breaking?
I asked David to take me to see if I could exchange my shoes. He thought I just wanted to spend one-on-one quality time with him, but what I was really doing was bringing along a chaperone to make sure there would be no "altercation" at the sports store. He gave me a pep talk the entire way there, saying nonsense like, "You wore the shoes for a week and the store doesn't have to take them back," and "It's all from Hashem," and on and on. He also made me smell some lavender oil before I walked into the store.
I didn't even consider the fact that my shoes were too small until David mentioned it to me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that MY WORST NIGHTMARE HAS COME TRUE...
He... was... r-r-r-ight!
Oy, my head hurts now. I'm actually crinkling my nose.
The shoe disaster was the icing on the cake. Hashem apparently decided that it wasn't enough to deal with all of the car and shoe balagan (mess.) He wanted me to know that sometimes, rarely, almost never, I can make a m-m-mis-ttttake.
All in all, it was a tough couple of weeks.
But, Kapparah! Mechanic bills are better than medical bills, right? It's better than being sick or getting in an accident, right? I mean, at least I still got to go to Zumba every morning!
Every time I called Rav Brody to complain about one thing or another (which was a lot!) he reminded me that all of these aggravations were Hashem just wiping away my transgressions. Then wipe away, I say!
So it's all good! Hashem gave me the money, and hopefully He'll give me some more because I need a new pair of shoes. And a new dress. My oldest son's bar mitzvah is coming up in less than two months! YIKES!!
That's a whole 'nother crisis that I'll write about another time. In the meantime I've got to make invitations!
Enjoy the rest of your day!