This is my favorite machine at the gym. It's called the Scrunch machine (I think) and it's a great ab workout. In fact, it's way better than a regular crunch or a sit-up, which actually does nothing to flatten your stomach. Yup. You heard me. It's just great marketing.
A crunch barely has any range of motion and actually uses your back muscles as much as your stomach muscles. And a regular sit-up is just plain bad for your back and neck. They're a total waste of time.
My advice? Don't waste your time.
Instead, do a plank and work up to adding in side planks. If you don't know what they look like, Rav Brody will teach you how to do a perfect plank here, and if you're advanced, he'll teach your more plank variations here. You can also do kettlebell swings, which are a fantastic full body workout that includes burning the living daylights out of your abs and rear end if you do it right.
Incidentally, was that PC enough? I wasn't being insensitive or offensive by saying "rear end," right? Would it be more inclusive to say "backside" or "posterior"? I'm not sure... I have to be careful, you know. Will the "front end" people come complaining to me because I didn't include them?
Hey, I just thought of a perfect solution! Maybe we should all make ourselves round like a ball so there is no front or back end. Or side end, either. There. That would be liberal utopia, wouldn't it.
Apparently the liberal dream is still lost on Chinese people, because a few got upset when Apple's iPhone X's facial recognition system failed to tell them apart. If they were liberals, they would have been thrilled about this failure.
So let's get back to abs.
I love abs. Flat abs. Eight-pack abs. Abs with no extra toppings. Straight up abs.
And I'm sure you do, too. But you're probably thinking that it's not possible to get the stomach you dream about.
Well, you're wr-wr-wr-ong.
Today, I'm going to share a few tips with you to get you started on the road to fABulous ABs.
First! CUT CARBS!! For G-d's sake, stop poisoning your body with white flour and white sugar! It shoots your insulin into Galaxy NGC224, our neighboring galaxy known as Andromeda. Hmmm. Just realized something. Andromeda sounds a lot like android, doesn't it...
YOU SEE?!?! THEY WANT US ALL TO LOOK LIKE ROBOTS WHO LOOK LIKE HUMANS!!
Remember: insulin is a fat-storing hormone. Meaning, the higher your insulin, the more calories you will store as fat. Big no-no! If you cut down on foods that raise your insulin, you'll see the weight start dropping big time around your round waist that's probably enjoyed a few too many meals at Kow Fu Yung's House of Kosher (I Can't Believe It's Not Pork) Pork.
OMG did I just write the "P" word?? I think I'm going to get in serious trouble for this post.
Second! DO EXERCISES THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE! Along with posting his video of the perfect plank, I'm sure Rav Brody will be happy to post a video of the perfect kettlebell swing. But if you have issues with your lower back, do bicycle crunches, which give your abs more range of motion and are easier on the back. Rav Brody, if you feel so inclined to do a video on that too, I'm sure our dear readers would enjoy that.
If you're lucky enough to have one of these cool scrunch machines at your gym that you never go to, hop on one! They're awesome!
Third! And most importantly! START SMALL AND MOVE FORWARD GRADUALLY!! Obviously it's not fair or realistic to expect your body to change almost overnight. It's also not fair to expect to do more than you can actually do. Be okay with your starting point and go from there.
That's why I wanted to share this picture with you. I started doing this machine with no weights on it at all, and keeping my knees on the rolling pad at all times. You're supposed to bring the knees to the chest while holding your upper body in an inclined plank position.
Well, gradually I became stronger, and slowly added on weights. I started adding 5 kilos and after a few months, realized I could do more. Well, one month led into another, and in less than a year I had worked up to 30 kilos. I also do the machine with my legs straight so my knees don't touch the board.
And you know what else? This may sound counter-intuitive, but for our purposes the following suggestion can work for certain people.
Don't have a goal. That's right. Don't imagine where you want to be. Sometimes that can create unnecessary pressure and frustration and make us even more upset with our current state of roundness. I'm one of those people that doesn't usually envision the end product when I start a new adventure. I just make a decision to start something new and don't even think about where it's taking me.
That's good and sometimes not good, but in the case of exercising, it's great. I never felt pressure to reach a certain size or gain a certain amount of strength in some imagined time period that I pulled out of thin air. Whoops! I just did it again. Did I just offend the thick air? My apologies!
If this post didn't make any sense to you, no worries! I won't be offended. Lucky for you, Rav Brody will be giving a super-motivating, take-charge, all-inclusive emuna lesson tomorrow, called... 3 Simple Steps to Success.
So check out tomorrow's post, where he'll give you the lowdown on times and all that good stuff.
Now about this all-inclusive business.... anyone want to fly me to one of those all-inclusive resorts? I need a week to relax, because my oldest son's Bar Mitzvah is next week and I'm freaking out! How did I get so oooolllllddddd?!?! I mean, youth challenged?
G-D I HATE YOU PC PEOPLE!!!
Have a great day!