Lazer Beams

Fertility Enhancement

Dear Rabbi Brody,

Problem one: My husband and I are both healthy and fertile. I am very regular as well. Yet, we've been married for eight years and have not yet been blessed with children. The doctors say that there's no reason I shouldn't get pregnant, but it just doesn't seem to happen.

Problem two: Thank G-d, we are very compatible, yet we bicker a lot over non-consequential things. Our rabbi told us to have our mezuzos and ketuba (marriage contract - LB) checked, and we did - they're all fine. I'm at my wits end. What do we do? Appreciatively, Karen from LI

Dear Karen,

The bickering is expected, since you and your husband are quite up tight with month after month of anticipation, then month after month of disappointment. I know it's not easy, but you should both sharpen your self-awareness, and avoid the senseless clashes, especially during the time of the month when you can't be intimate. The tight nerves are also counterproductive to fertility.

You may find this odd, but have you and your husband ever asked Hashem for a baby? If you were here, I'd take your husband out to the desert, give him a canteen of water, and leave him on a hilltop for an hour to yell his heart out to Hashem. Since you're not here, go with your husband to a deserted stretch of beach on Long Island Sound, take separate directions, and cry your eyes out, praying in your own words - in English - and beg Hashem for what you want. Hanna, the prophet Samuel's mother, did the same thing. So did Isaac and Rebecca. Repeat this as much as possible.

Try to eat as naturally as possible. Your husband should eat figs, garlic, and warm eggs. You both should eat red or blue grapes as well.

If you're not pregnant within the next 60 days after taking the above advice, don't despair: Rebbe Nachman of Breslev writes that living in Israel is conducive to childbearing and to peace in the home. I would therefore suggest that you seriously consider moving to Israel. If that's out of the question, I would suggest two alternatives - one, give regular charity to a worthy cause in Israel, and that way you are in effect a shareholder in Israel, and second, fill your house with Torah-oriented books printed in Israel. Another good ploy that has helped loads of people is by spreading emuna CDs all over the place. Either way, with Hashem's loving grace, I pray that you'll be parents within the next 12 months. Peace and blessings, Lazer Brody

Imagine, Only Good Thoughts

Dr. Zev Ballen has some good thoughts for us to start the week off right. A healthy and happy summer to everyone!

Happy, No Matter What

We sure take things for granted. Nearly my whole hour of hitbodedut (personal prayer) on Shabbat was thanking Hashem for a quiet Shabbat - no missiles were fired at us all of Friday and Shabbat. After a week of incessant missile fire, a day with no sirens and no attacks is something one is immensely thankful for.

Just as the body works non-stop for good health, the soul must work non-stop too. The key to the soul's health is unconditional happiness. Easier said than done? See today's emuna lesson and learn how to be happy, no matter what. Have a wonderful week!

5 Steps to Success

Notice that you won't see highly successful people wasting their time on passive entertainment and pastimes (really, "pass the time"). Why? They have no time to waste. They're doers. That's why they're successful.

What's the difference between a champion and a couch potato? 

1. A champion sets goals.

2. A champion has a plan of action how to achieve his goals with daily work quotas that he demands from himself.

3. A champion perseveres and is not discouraged by temporary setbacks. He is dilligent and never lazy.

4. A champion is focused; he is constantly making progress along his chosen path; he shuns wasted effort on extraneous and inconsequential things.

5. A champion has no time to waste.

A couch potato has no goals and therefore no plan of action. He's discouraged by the slightest obstacle and can hardly get out of bed in the morning. In his laziness, he dreams of leisure. His mind is not focused and he has all the time in the world.

No matter who you are or what you do, whether you run a household or manage a business, apply the above five points to your life and with Hashem's help, success will shine on you too. 

It's Not Your Fault

Give me a paper and I'll sign it for you: whatever you're blaming yourself for, it's not your fault! You think you're stronger than Hashem or that He couldn't prevent what happened? That's heresy! What happened is exactly what Hashem wanted to happen.

Yes, cherished brother and sister - Hashem wanted you to do that sin. Sounds crazy? It's the first of the Rambam's 13 Principles of faith, that everything comes from Hashem.

So why does Hashem allow us to sin?

Hashem wants us to be humble. If we never sinned, our noses would be high in the air.

Hashem wants us to live our lives in teshuva. If we never sinned, we'd never make teshuva and we'd most likely never grow spiritually.

Hashem wants us to seek His help. The Gemara in tractate Succa says that unless Hashem helps us, we cannot possibly overcome the Evil Inclination.

So, rather than blaming yourself, just smile, and ask Hashem to help you be a little bit better today.

Don't forget - it's not your fault.

Without the Branch, There's no Fruit

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I became an observant Jewess about 3 years ago, when I was 17. Today, I have a wonderful schedule and I love my life and learning - I'm studying to be an optometrist in the morning, and in the late afternoon I attend classes at a Jewish Women's Seminar. But, I have a fly in my ointment - my parents.

My parents are lovely people, but their world is still at the level of 9 to 5 followed by dinner and popcorn in front of the television. Although they respect me, they embarrass me all the time. I've told my father a million times that he can't shake hands with my girlfriends, but everytime I bring one home he sticks his hand right out. I've tried to explain to my mother the severity of slander and idle gossip, but she says everything about everybody. Even worse, all this gives me a nasty guilt trip; after listening to lectures from the best Torah teachers one could wish for, I come home to two people who only seem to be interested in what's for dinner and what's on TV. It's hard for me to respect them, and that's a big test, since I'll be living at home at least for another two years or until Hashem sends me my intended (please make a blessing for me). Please give me some advice on how to accept my situation with emuna. Thank you for being there, Rabbi. With sincere appreciation, Karen from New Jersey

Dear Karen,

First of all, I'm glad that you're still at home; the advantages of your sanctity far outweigh the peripheral aggravation you have from little details at home. Please forgive me, but I must take exception with the "fly in the ointment" metaphor. Maybe your mama isn't a Lakewood rebbetzin and your dad isn't a Rosh Yeshiva with a Homburg on his head, but I'm sure that they're wonderful people to merit a daughter that's devoting her life to Hashem. Remember, they are simply the products of their environment, much like babies that grew up in captivity. They never cast away Yiddishkeit, for they never had it. There's a lot of headway to give them the benefit of the doubt.

You can influence them best by being a kind, considerate, understanding and loving daughter. Please don't preach and don't look down on them. Concentrate on your own soul-searching and self-improvement. The more you show compassion for your parents, the more Hashem will have compassion on you - that means you'll find you bashert (intended) with considerable less hassle.

You don't have to respect your parents' lifestyle, but Halacha requires you to give them absolute respect. Since this is the month of Shvat, let me explain in terms of a fruit tree: Fruit can't develop on its own; it must grow on a branch. You, as a baalas tshuva with a bright future, are the aromatic fruit. Your parents though, are the branch you grow on. One doesn't eat the branch, but without it, there's no fruit. Don't forget that, and you'll be fine - I'm glad you wrote. May Hashem send you your true soulmate in the nearest future, amen. Blessings always, LB

Advice for Coping

Many people have been asking me how to cope with the latest wave of media-and-politician fueled incitement against the entire observant population here in Israel. Instead of answering, I sought the advice of a gadol, a spiritual leader of the highest stature, and here's what he writes:

Wednesday, Parashat Vayichi

"My son, be wise and realize that everything that happens to a person in the days of his short mortal lifespan is all for the very best; understand that Ecclesiastes was so right when he said everything is vanity. Our forefathers went through similar tribulations and much worse throughout the Diaspora, but it all serves as a test of our faith and a test of our free choice, whether we'll cling to Hashem in emuna and serve him happily or not. We must strengthen ourselves with emuna that even the outcome of this will be completely good, that it should bring us all to truth and closer to Hashem. My son, remember the Creator in times of trouble as well as in the good times, for everything is for the best and life is Heaven on earth when you understand that. Don't forget Who runs the world, and just grab as much Torah, mitzvoth, and hitbodedut as you can, particularly in these difficult days. I have so much more to tell you but time is limited..."

What great advice. Guess who wrote it: Rebbe Natan of Breslev, exactly 181 years ago to the day. How badly we need his advice!

Rebbe Natan, the prime disciple of Rebbe Nachman, is my hero and role model. He left this earth exactly 167 years ago on the 10th of Teveth, 5605 (1845). May his blessed and saintly memory intercede in our behalf, amen.