Lazer Beams

Angel from Alabama

Some of my favorite folks are from Alabama. They're a lot like Breslevers - spiritual, happy, and uncomplicated. My buddy Misha Bronstein told me a story that enhanced my fondness of Alabamans even more:

Hershey Fellig, a Lubavitcher Chassid from Los Angeles, didn't have long to live - he desperately needed a kidney. Marisa Hester, a non-Jewish mother-of-two from Alabama, gave one to him. The two were complete strangers. Marisa had never even met a Jew before. She read about Hershey online and made the selfless decision to help.

Folks advised Marisa against it. After all, she's a mother herself with no obligation to a stranger several thousand miles away. But this Angel from Alabama simply decided to help.

Marisa, you've not saved a life - you've saved an entire world. Read the whole story here.

New! Noahide Prayer Book

This is certainly a day for rejoicing. There's not a day that goes by without one of our Noahide friends from around the world writing and asking which prayers should he/she say and which not, which prayers are required and which are not, proper terminology, wording, order of prayers, and so forth.

For months now, we've had the pleasure and privilege of being in contact with Pat and Larry Rogers and the Oklahoma B'nai Noah Society, who under the watchful eyes of two enormous Torah scholars - Rav Yoel Schwartz and Rav Yechiel Sitzman - put together "Service From the Heart," a unique prayerbook designed for the needs of the ever-growing Noahide community. I reviewed the prayerbook from cover to cover, and am happy to give it my wholehearted endorsement. This is the answer to all the Noahide prayer questions with daily prayers and prayers for every occasion, a wonderful gift from Heaven for the Bnai Noah all over the globe.

We here at Emuna Outreach and at the Beams congratulate Pat and Larry, and hope that their prayerbook will be a mega success.

Show me the truth!

When a person really desires truth, he or she finds it, as you'll see in the following letter:

Dear Rabbi Lazer,

Until six months ago, I was a member of a xtian church here in Tennessee. Our pastor, a highly respected individual with a PhD in Divinity, wrote a hand book describing the main doctrines of the church, because so many people in the congregation were confused about what they were supposed to believe in. Shortly after I read about how exactly I'm supposed to believe, I had a business appointment with a colleague in Alabama. I drove to Montgomery, arrived at his office, and saw this eye-catching book on his desk. The name of the book was "Garden of Emuna". By the way, my colleague is not Jewish; he's a Noahide. I had never heard the term Noahide before, and he explained to me that these are non-Jews that simply believe in the Jewish concept of the One God, with no additions or subtractions. My colleague (JP, who you know well) is no fool and certainly not the type for fad religion.

Anyway, I ordered a copy of the book for myself, which by miracle arrived within 96 hours to my home. I read it three times. The truth simply felt like a glove that fit. But, years of conditioning left me with doubts. I took the book's advice and went down to the river for secluded personal prayer. I held the pastor's manual in one hand, and the Garden of Emuna in the other hand. I cried, "Dear Lord, please show me the truth!" I thought that an hour went by, but by the time I finished praying, 3 hours went by. I never felt so exhilerated in my life. Such simplicity - The Lord, emuna, and me. All the pieces of the vast puzzle just came into place in my mind. I didn't have any lightning-struck revelation, but I walked away knowing the truth. I threw the pastor's hand book in the river. Then, I immersed myself in the river and declared myself in my heart a pure believer of God, nothing more and nothing less.

Gradually, the near-disappointments set in. I was ostracized by my old friends, yet no local Orthodox rabbis were interested in talking to me. I tried my luck and started writing you, never dreaming I'd get an answer. You really surprised me with your warm and speedy reply.

I owe you a big note of thanks, Rabbi, for making yourself available to a non-Jew like me. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov and his modern-day disciples like you are truly the light unto the nations. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. JT, Nashville

JT's letter shows just how hungry people are for the real deal in spirituality. If you'd like to read another very special essay from a very special Noahide, our friend Alice in Georgia, skip over here to visit the Dixie Yid.

People get ready, 'cause the train's a-comin'!

Emuna Outreach reaches First Nations of Quebec and Ontario

Left: 19th Century illustration of First Nation elders in Quebec

"My body is here but my spirit is always there," is one of the first phrases I've learned from the First Nations of Quebec. "First Nations" is the Canadian term for native Americans, what people commonly know as the North American Indian.

Through our dear friends, Jean-Marie and his wife Cecilia (Thunder) Rondeau, Emuna Outreach has been sending quite a few CDs to the various First Nations tribes in Quebec and Ontario, such as: Bearskin Lake First Nation, Big Trout Lake First Nation, Fort Severn First Nation, Deer Lake First Nation, and many more. This is all the merit and hard work of Jean-Marie and Cecilia, who circulated the following beautiful letter among the First Nations of Canada. This is one of the best strongest Noahide outreach letters I've ever seen:

To the First Nations of God, a message of Hope and Blessings.

Cecilia and I are a simple family very much concerned with what is happening in the world and society in general. We have a particular interest in the family unit and the difficulty we all face in the modern liberal world. Cecilia being a First Nation member of Sachigo Lake band of Ontario, as well as our five children, we have a more specific interest toward the First nations and the difficulties they face. The social problems, suicide especially, poverty, poor health care and services seems to be much worse than in society at large in Canada. At least it is so reported often in the press.

We are not preachers nor do we belong to any social group pushing some agenda. We however strongly believe that much of the problems in society in general, and this includes the First Nations, are due to our relations or lack of proper relations with the Almighty God Himself. There are hundreds if not thousands of religions or sects that strive to change this problem for the better. To no avail it seems. First Nations know this better than the rest of the world for they serve this system well and see the effects better than the rest of us. They live it daily!

In our reflections and meditation, readings and listening, it has become very clear to us that the one constant, successful constant, of a people, religion and God, Our Father in Heaven, over the last 3000 years, is the Jewish Nation and their relations with the Ultimate Spirit, The God of the ages, The creator Himself. The Kechee Manitou as First Nations People call Him. In other words, NO MESSENGER, no matter how important he may be, can replace the Creator God. Yet humanity continue in its vanity blindly. The successes of the Jews in all phases of society proves to the whole world that they master the truth about GOD better than the world! Instead of learning from this, often the world turns against them!

In any case, Judaism per say is for the Jewish Nation, Greater Israel. The Jews have however the mandate, as per the Old Testament, to instruct the rest of us as to how we may best serve God our Father and gain the benefits attached to that in our daily lives, in our society, and in our communities. We are supposed to be taught by them about the seven commandements of Noah! Few do it.

With this in mind, with a view to provide for you and your communities, we sought to acquire tools that you and your people may use, by your community radios or community meeting, or speeches to your people, and we are sending these free of charge to you in the forms of CDs (and a few books) from a Rabbi Lazer Brody from Israel. We have no doubt that it is God’s will that you take the time to listen to those CDs for you will be pleasently surprise by the lessons being taught, in simple every day English by Rabbi Lazer Brody.

Rabbi Lazer Brody’s CDs are destined primarly for his Jewish audiences, but the lessons are truly valid for all of us. He is much concerned with family problems, substance addiction, suicide and so on.

We suggest that you visit his site on the internet, it is call Lazer Beams…Lazer Brody.

If you are interested to know more from his teachings, you can order CDs and books directly from him. His principle teaching is that everything comes from God, good and the lessons for wrongs that we experience and that we must live it.

Rabbi Brody uses the term “Hashem” which means The Name when referring to Almighty by respect for the name of God and so that no names of God may be used for swearing for example.

As for the seven laws of Noah they are:

1: Belief in God (do not worship idols).

2: Respect God and praise Him.

3: Respect human life.(do not murder).

4: Respect the family.(Do not commit immoral sexual acts)

5: Respect for other’s rights and property.

6: Creation of a judicial system. (Pursue justice)

7: Respect all creatures. (Don’t be cruel to animals)

May God bless you and all First Nations. Respectfully, Jean-Marie (John) and Cecilia (Thunder) Rondeau, Cantley, Quebec

Ginger's Story - Part 2

The nurses called her Marti, a nickname for Martha. Marti - my neighbor in the adjacent hospital bed with the star of David around her neck - was from the Nashville area and here in the Birmingham vicinity visiting her aunt. Marti's appendix had burst, contaminating her system with enough toxins to pollute the Choctawhatchee Bay. She had also barely escaped attending her own funeral. So here we were, side by side, both recouperating from major traumas to our bodies. The difference was that Marti was smiling and humming all day long, and I was depressed and obnoxious. She was happy to be alive, and I wasn't.

I never realized how much of an egotist I was until I met Marti. I was always the center of attraction, the brightest in the class and the best-looking. The show was about me and me only. That bubble had burst. I was now looking like a vampire that suffered from malnutrition. My parents were devastated, panic-stricken and heartbroken; they cried the whole duration of their visits. I had to speak with someone else.

Like a gift from God, Marti was the best listener I ever met. She said nothing about herself unless I asked direct questions. She had the warmest, kindest demeanor I ever encountered and her shyness gave her the aura of a rare gem that you don't show to anyone on a street corner. She wrote gorgeous poetry and played the piccolo. Just being with her was soothing.

When I mustered up enough nerve, I asked her about the star of David around her neck. I had Jewish friends up at Wharton, but they seemed far-removed from religion. Marti surprised me by telling me that she's not Jewish, but a Noahide. I had to excuse my ignorance, for I didn't know the difference between a Noahide and a Lilliputian. She explained to me that she was born into a southern Baptist home (almost identical to mine), but with all due respect, she couldn't swallow their notion of religion and faith. She explained to me about the Old Testament, Mosaic Law, and Torah ethics, particularly the seven Noahide commandments. I was enthralled with her explanations, like a thirsty soul drinking fresh cool water from a bubbling brook.

I asked Marti why she didn't convert if she loves the Jewish Torah so much. She answered that the Torah was given to the Jews, but really it's everybody's Torah. Second, she said that her rabbi advises her to live her life as a righteous Noahide rather than as a convert struggling to keep hundreds of commandments.

"Rabbi? You have a rabbi?" I asked. She took a book out of her bedstand and showed it to me, telling me that the author is her rabbi. "Does he speak to non-Jews?" I asked. She then showed me a stack of email responses she had received to a variety of questions, ranging from meditation to career goals to husband hunting.

Marti, who had already heard the story of the double betrayal by my fiance and former roommate, then told me the amazing story of how she had been molested as a child by one of the most respected members of their church. The whole thing was hushed up, and she was left with all the post traumatic baggage. I couldn't believe how honey-sweet Marti confessed to being a silent time-bomb of revenge, hatred, and compulsion to even the score of twenty years ago when she was a tender little princess of nine. She had even taken gun lessons (piccolo-playing Marti!) entertaining a sadistic dream of destroying her tormentor, who still freely roamed the streets of Nashville as a respected clergyman and citizen. She too had experienced her scars torn wide open every time she heard his name, much less see him. She then opened the book in her hand to Chapter 5.

"Read this, Ginger. It showed me how to make peace with God, how He does everything for the best." I took the book, entitled "The Trail to Tranquility," and chug-a-lugged chapter 5 in one gulp. Rita Richards at the end of the chapter looked just like me. The book penetrated straight to my soul like a spiritual intravenous transfusion. I then flew back to the beginning of the book, and read the whole thing from cover to cover in less than five hours, savoring each word.

After reading the book a second time and a third, my thinking did a 180. My brain clicked on like a lightbulb. I suddenly realized what a gift from God that I had discovered Tommy's infidelity before getting married rather than down the road as a pregnant wife with 2 small youngins. I began to understand how the seemingly worst things in my life were really concealed gifts. I learned the true notion of faith, "emuna" as the author calls it. I became privy to a treasure of traditional wisdom that I never knew existed, rooted in the rabbinical masters of yesteryear, particularly the Rebbe of Breslev. I learned all about my soul and its needs.

Allow me to fast-forward twelve months. Marti and I are still best friends. Following my rabbi's advice, I have made a new start in a new area, and have virtually wiped the bitterness from my heart. I am totally alcohol and drug free, and I'm building a new career. I've become a Noahide, just like Marti, and one of (I'm sure) of many that has made Rabbi Lazer Brody my spiritual advisor. His book The Trail to Tranquility has saved my life, simply speaking with no exaggeration. If you feel stressed and angry, it could save your life too. It's only proper that I offer my humble gratitude to the Lord of Israel for helping me find a rabbi on the other end of the earth that cares whether about mending the broken heart of a total stranger. As they say in tennis, some people talk a good game, others play a good game.

It's mindboggling how everything's for the best. If I hadn't been in the hospital, I'd never have met Marti. If I'd never of met Marti, I'd have probably never become a Noahide that discovered the vault of Jewish wisdom (particularly The Trail to Tranquility) that would be the agent of my personal rescue.

Thank you for indulging. Rabbi Lazer, I agree with what David Soul said about you: You belong to humanity. With deepest feelings of respect and gratitude, Ginger (now somewhere in metropolitan Texas)

Sailing on the Choctawhatchee Bay in southern Alabama, the Emuna State.

Ginger's Story - Part 1

First of all, I want to thank Rabbi Brody for giving me the opportunity to express myself. I was a heartbeat away from suicide; my story could save others from a similar fate. I sank in a quicksand mire of anger, depression, frustration, and bitterness. The Almighty had pity on me, and in His infinite mercy pulled me out to safety; maybe, so I could live to tell this story.

I was a picture postcard coed. Not only was I a cheerleader at Auburn, but I was an honors graduate in economics. I completed an MBA at Wharton up north in twelve months. Every job I interviewed for wanted me. Homesick, I finally decided to accept a promising junior executive training position in one of Alabama's most prestigious banking institutions.

With my bright star still on the rise, I started playing tennis with what I thought was a dream of a man - 3 years older than me, very smart, very good-looking, very athletic, and super successful - "Tom". Often, he'd leave his office and pick me up from work. Since my roommate and best friend (at the time) was also a tennis player, she and her boyfriend would play doubles against Tom and me, followed by dinner and more jolly times. Who could ask for more?

The bubble burst when I went away to visit friends at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I was supposed to be away for a week, but I came down with the flu and preferred to feel miserable at home. I walked in the door of my apartment 48 hours ahead of schedule, and lo and behold, discovered Tom (who two weeks earlier had asked me to marry him and I agreed) in a very intimate position with my roommate.

I nearly fainted. The double treachery of my fiance and my best friend was unexpected to say the least and far more than I could handle. I moved out on the spot.

My life became a house of dominoes that caved in. I went from a foxy 126 pounds to a 98 pound bag of bourbon-drinking and pill-popping misery. I quit my job before they fired me, but the worse is yet to come: The Almighty, in His mercy (that often looks like cruelty), made me run into my former roommate at least once a week, sometimes in the store, the post office, or wherever. Every time I saw her, it was like treason night and a knife in my heart all over again. After seeing her in the car with Tom at the gas station, I went home, drank three shots of bourbon and then took a dozen 10 mg valium pills. I was punching out of life.

The Almighty had other ideas and delayed my funeral. Instead, I woke up in the hospital at the University of Alabama in Birmingham with a pumped stomach and hooked up to a respirator. In a cloud, I heard a doctor telling my mom and dad that they were lucky that I was alive.

A few days went by, and I was still hospitalized. Between the overdose and the booze - my pitiful attempt at suicide - I had suffered a terrible seizure. In the same room, a sweet and a little-bit shy young lady in her late 20's was recovering from a stomach operation. The difference between her and me is that she was always smiling, but I wasn't especially happy to still be here on earth. The other difference is that while I was Baptist, she wore a star of David around her neck.

To be continued tomorrow, G-d willing

Hashem will be One

The prophet Zechariah writes (ch.14, verse 9), "Hashem will be King over all the land; on that day Hashem will be One and his name will be One."

Our sages ask raise a brow at the above passage, and ask, "What, isn't Hashem already King of the earth?" Rashi, the Ramban, and the Radak answer according to an amazing translation by the holy Tanna Rabbi Yonatan ben Uziel that in the end of days, the nations of the world will scrap their false beliefs and crown Hashem over them as well; they will worship no other name but Hashem's Holy Name.

In light of the above, the growing Noahide movement all over the world is testimony to the imminent Geula, or full redemption of our people. We here at the Beams have been privileged to be in contact with some sensational people from the most unlikely places on the globe that have crowned Hashem as their G-d and unequivocally accept the truth of His Torah.

Just to show you how close the Geula is, I'd like to share with you the following letter from a remarkable teenager in Iowa:

By The Grace of G-d

Shalom Rav Brody,

I have, for quite some time, been meaning to contact you. Finally, today, I decided that enough is enough, and that I should email you. I am a 15 year old Iowan who has (Because of Hashem's great kindness and mercy) fallen in love with Torah.

I was a Lutheran and had planned to become an Air Force chaplain. But Hashem had different plans (His, of course, are always best). I knew that to be a chaplain I would have to be at least somewhat familiar with different religions, so I began my studies with Judaism. I ended up doing more than just a simple study of Judaism. I was amazed by the depth and the beauty of Judaism. More than that, it affected me in every aspect of my daily life, something xianity had never done. After a great deal of careful thought and research I realized that xianity is completely false, and that I wanted to convert to Judaism.

Of the different rabbis who have influenced me in this process, a few stick out more than the others. The Lubavitcher Rebbe zal, the Baal Shem Tov zal, the Alter Rebbe zal, and, of course, that great tzaddik, my Rebbe, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov zal.

I have no desire to remain a Noahide my entire life. I also do not desire to remain in Iowa my entire life (In fact, I want to move to Eretz Yisrael as soon as I can, G-d willing). Although I have gotten mostly negative reactions from my family (Perhaps "negative" is not the proper word, because, if anything, their reactions have only increased my emuna) I am determined to serve Hashem in the Holy Land as a Jew. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Sincerely, Travis from Iowa

It's all comin' down folks. Emuna is spreading like wildfire. Don't be left out in the cold.

A happy and healthy Rosh Chodesh Nissan to everybody.

Noahide Reflections

The Melitzer Rebbe told me something amazing during this past Shabbat: He said that one of the reasons that Hashem is reserving a special place in the World-to-Come for B'nai Noach (Noahides), is because the Noahides elevate the Jews.

The Noahides behoove the Jews to become better; that scores big points with Hashem. With that in mind, I'd like to share a letter from Hank, a Noahide that spent several years debating with himself about converting, and decided that he'd be better off as an outstanding Noahide than as a struggling Jew. I agree. Here's what Hank writes:

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I have been studying Torah for a number of years, and had the privilege of studying with a brilliant Torah scholar (many years my senior) when I lived, well this might not come as a suprise to you at this point, up in WASPy Vermont. He was a hidden scholar that nobody paid attention to and a self-described Breslover who introduced me to the works of Rebbe Nachman (may his name be blessed). He was also a brilliant Kabbalist that spent loads of time in solitude out in the fields and woods talking to Hashem. The two most remarkable things about him was that first, he was open to all people, second, he always had a smile on his face and a kind word for everyone. Yet, I know that he was a holy man.

When I came to him some years ago, I was interested in conversion. I studied with him on a weekly basis (sometimes twice a week) and he schooled me in many aspects of the parts of Torah that I need to know, particularly the 7 Noahide Laws, and more specifically, anything that has to do with emuna. He told me that I had 2 real possibilities, convert and keep the law to the letter, or study and bring into practice the 7 laws of Noach and their observances as a spring-board to further but limited observance.

I moved to Massachusetts after studying with him for a couple of years, and was still entertaining the idea of conversion, but once again the notion came up "Do you want to be a half-observant Jew, or a gentile who goes above and beyond for Hashem?" I wanted to be a Jew, but it started to occur to me that perhaps I wanted it for the wrong reason (not the completely wrong reason, mind you, ultimately for the glory of the Holy One Blessed Be He, but because I wanted in on the Covenant). Then I started asking myself why I was born a gentile, and ultimately the answer I found was that it is Hashem who made me be born of a gentile woman and Hashem doesn't make mistakes.  So, I thought that this was my opportunity to help Yisrael, not by trying to be another struggling Yid, but by elevating my gentile nature, and those of the gentiles around me. Realizing this, I know that there are certain practices that I cannot observe because they pertain to the Covenant of Mount Sinai, not the Covenant made with Noach (like wearing tzitzits, Tefillin, Tallis, Mezuzahs, etc). I have found great inspiration in the teachings of Rebbe Nachman, may he be blessed eternally, and realized that his love of mankind was so great that he spent a lot of time and effort teaching the non-Jews in his communities (which I have read raised a few eyebrows from the orthodoxy in his time).

Since I am no longer in touch with this Torah scholar I studied with so long ago unfortunately, I fear due to his age and physical condition he may no longer be with us in this realm, Heaven forbid), Having your input is of particular importance to me. Your website is amazing, and has brought both a smile to my face and tears to my eyes on many occasions. Thank you for your efforts and for your inspiration.

As a final note, keep up this current path you are on with creating video clips of you in the Holy Land, they have even greater impact when one can hear you and see you and the fire that burns in your eyes for Hashem. I'm not sure how difficult it is for you based on resources, but this personal touch brings everything up to the next level from the perspective of one viewing these from half-way around the world. The Perek Shira clip was awesome too. Your message of inspiration and emuna is a rare gem in this age.

Peace on Israel! With sincerest thanks, Hank

To convert, or not to convert?

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I don't know if you remember me, but I've been a reader of yours ever since you came on the web. I've been on an odyssey of the soul for 5 years now, and have made a full circle from Lutheran to Unitarian to Noahide, especially thanks to your influence. Rebbe Nachman's philosophy, which you so adeptly bring down to earth in The Trail to Tranquility and in The Garden of Emuna, is like a balm and a magnet to my parched and scarred soul. Truth is apparent.

I've been wanting to go a step further, so I bought quite a few books from your First Steps in Judaism list that I found on Amazon. I've read the abridged Code of Jewish Law - it looks like a tall order to fill, but I'm willing to give it a shot. I long to be a full-fledged Jew, but I have these recurring doubts. I'd love to live my life with the beauty of Rebbe Nachman's teachings. My wife is a believer too, but she doesn't want to be tied down by Judaism's restrictions. I love her and I love G-d, but I feel torn between the two. Can you help me attain some clarity? With sincere gratitude, Jonathan T., Nashville, Tn

Dear Jonathan,

Thank you for your letter. I see no reason why you should convert. As a Noahide, you can live a pleasant and meaningful life without the yoke of 613 Torah commandments and thousands of rabbinical ordinances. The great thing is that you still get a superb place in the World to Come for the bargain-basement price of accepting and fulfilling the 7 Noahide mitzvas, which you already do. Who says you need to choose between your wife and Hashem? Heaven forbid! Cling to both! Don't even entertain the slightest thought of living a separate life from your beloved soulmate.

Judaism is not the Marine Corps Recruiter; we're not missionairies nor do we seek converts. If a non-Jew converts and then breaks one commandment out of the 613, he or she becomes a spiritual criminal. Today, you can enjoy shrimp or a ball game on Saturday, but after converting, you'd get the book thrown at you for either one. That's why those rabbis who so readily and irresponsibly convert non-Jews are doing a major disservice to the converts; rather than looking forward to an eternity of paradise as upright Noahides, they get the hot seat as rebellious Jews. Who needs that aggravation? That's why any rabbi that bends the rules for a convert is like a commander that sends you to war with rubber bullets - you're going to get hurt because of him, G-d forbid.

As a Noahide, you can read about emuna and talk to Hashem all day long. You can listen to Chassidic music and eat Jewish food if you like. I can't talk for other rabbis, but Noahides are honored and welcome friends here at the Beams; long ago, I lost count of the number of fantastic Noahides with whom I communicate, many of whom live in the Southern and Bluegrass states, right around the corner from Nashville.

Jonathan, I strongly suggest that you level out your spiritual flight at the current altitude of a wonderful, upright Noahide. You'll be giving tremendous gratification to Hashem, and you'll be maintaining harmony at home. By all means, continue reading, learning, and strengthening your faith. Talk to Hashem as much as you can. Not only are you welcome here at the Beams, but you'll be welcome at the inauguration of Moshiach's regime in our rebuilt Jerusalem real soon, amen. Your friend always, Lazer Brody

Candie's Story

You can be sure that Moshiach is fast on the way. How do I know? If 30 years ago, someone would have told you that the State of Alabama would be chock full of spiritually thirsty BTs and Bnei Noach in search of emuna, would you have believed them?

Candie Davis is an amazing human being. See for yourself:

Dear Rabbi Brody,

Your Outreach Project is a blessing far greater than words can express.  It is difficult for me to write like this, I'm the type that sits quietly in the background listening and learning.  So please don't feel obligated to respond or write back.  What you are doing is so important and I don't want to distract you from it for even a moment.

I have been searching all my life (I'll be 55 in a few weeks) to learn about Hashem. Being a stubborn person has finally paid off! Let me give you a quick background.  We have something in common, I too, am originally from the D.C. suburbs.  Born and raised in Fairfax, Va.  I came from what they would term now-a-days as a dysfunctional family.  As a child, my entire religious education was provided by Cecil B. DeMille and other film makers. (Remember how channel 7 and channel 20 used to show movies like Jacob and Joseph late at night during the Passover season?)  I can remember back as far as 8 or 9 years old, alone in my bedroom, crying out to Hashem for help.

So one morning my mother told me to get dressed, she said she was going to send me to church.  I'll never forget it.  We pull up in front of this big huge building, strangers everywhere and I'm told to get out of the car and just go in and somebody will show me where to go. I shut the car door and was standing there all alone and scared.  Thinking that I was going to learn about Moses, David, etc., I summoned the courage to walk inside.  Once inside I never heard anything about Moses or David.  And Hashem was not there.

So fast forward to 1983.  Friends told me that the reason I didn't find Hashem in the church as a child is because it was the wrong church.  Trying to be open minded I said ok and for the next year and a half visited different type of churches.  The things they were teaching there really irritated something inside me.  It was like listening to someone scratch their fingernails on a blackboard. I wanted so much to learn about Hashem but I could not accept the things they were teaching.  Then I had a dream that had a huge impact on me.  I dreamed that the church had outhouses inside of it (the kind like you see at construction sites or campgrounds) and something told me unclean!  I never stepped foot inside again.

About that time some Jewish friends invited us to Torah study.  I jumped on that offer!  I know you like John Denver music, remember that one song he sang about "going home to a place he'd never been before"?  Well, that is how I felt.  No fingernails on blackboards there!  It was wonderful and that first visit something very unusual happened to me that had never happened before and has never happened since.  I hope you don't think I am crazy, but this was very real.  Everybody was singing (in Hebrew) and suddenly I heard a thought that did not come from my head.  I heard it so clear. I heard this: "These are my people".  My hair stood on ends and tears filled my eyes.

That next year was one of the most enjoyable years of my life.  My whole family enjoyed it.  We were invited to festivities and my children loved learning about Purim and Hanukkah.  We learn the Shema and what it meant.  That time period went by too fast.  Then one day our friends moved to Israel.

Fast forward again to 1995.  The doctors said I had about 2 weeks to live. Sometime earlier I had been the main course meal for a bunch of poisonous brown recluse spiders.  To make matters worse, a doctor made a mistake in a prescription medication causing the poison to be distributed throughout my body including my central nervous system.  The pain was unimaginable.  We lost every material thing, including house, cars, furniture, had to auction off everything to raise cash.  We packed the dog, my sewing machine, Ray's tools and moved to Alabama where the cost of living is very inexpensive.  Ray could no longer work full time because I needed constant care.

I was not afraid to die.  The pain was so bad and I just wanted it to stop.  No doctor, not even the one who pronounced the death sentence would help.  They didn't want to get involved.  Ray was frantic. Although I was weak and in and out of consciousness, I could hear Ray on the phone calling family.  They would not even pray with him.  After all, we had rejected the church and they didn't want to have anything to do with us.  Things looked very grim.

And then early one morning the phone rang...it was David, calling from Israel (the Jewish friend who had the Torah study years before).  The fact that he had even heard about our predicament was a miracle in itself.  Roy held the phone up to my ear and I heard David praying in Hebrew.  The pain began to subside and the recovery began.  Death passed over.  I spent the year next regaining my strength and learning how to live with the after effects that still linger from the poisoning.

Since then and until recently, I have been wondering why.  Wondering why was my life spared and why did I end up in west central Alabama where it is a spiritual desert.  Still on my life long quest to learn about Hashem I couldn't understand why I was put here or how I was ever going to learn about Torah in a place that is populated by southern baptists...

...And then the light came, shining through.  To quote the words from Matisyahu's song Youth:

"storm the halls of vanity
focus your energy
into a lazer beam
streaming shattered light
unites to pierce between the seams"

It all began last November, when out of desperation to find my granddaughter some decent music to listen to, I went to Yahoo music to search.  I was about to give up searching and was getting ready to shut down the Yahoo music thing when suddenly a song was played (the music was randomly played, I didn't even know the song existed).  A young man was singing these lyrics:

"You're all that I have and you're all that I need
Each and every day I pray to get to know you please
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty"

I said to myself, "He's singing about Hashem!  This young man knows Him!"  I jumped out of the chair and limped to the back door (according to the doctor's they say I am disabled and need knee replacement surgery - but that's not true - they must not know about Simchat Torah!) and called for Roy to come inside quick, he needs to hear something.  The song was King Without A Crown by Matisyahu.  I was on that lead like a detective.  I needed to find out more information.  An internet search led me to the JDub.org music message board. There I learned a lot and for the first time I heard about the Artscroll books.  This past summer, during the war, several people were quoting you.  And that is how I found the "Lazer Beams" website!

I said all of that to say that finally, after all these years and tribulations, finally with the help of your teachings on your website, your cd's and books and my Artscroll Stone Editions of the Chumash and Tanach, I am getting the answers to questions I have had all my life.  And at long last, I am learning about Hashem!!!!

I have had a major attititude adjustment, especially my attitude towards all the not too pleasant things that have happened in the past.  Now I thank Hashem for everything.  Learning how Hashem is in control of everything is such a comfort and a huge relief.  Ray and I also thank Hashem for Rabbi Lazer Brody and the Outreach Project.  You are reaching people who are stuck way behind the enemy lines!!!  The light is shining so bright and it's not stopping at only Jewish outreach, it is shining so bright that even gentiles searching to learn about Hashem are being drawn to it. (I read you posts about the native Americans.  I have native American ancestry on both my father and mothers side...hummmmmmm, could it be?)  Hashem's compassion and mercy are amazing!  Every day is exciting now because I know that with each day, I will learn more.

And about my so-called disability and need for a knee transplant....well, I said no to that.  I had a torn cartilage removed from my knee back in the '70's.  Over the years there's a lot of calcium deposits and the bones try to grow together.  The build up of all that in the knee actually results in the leg becoming slightly longer than the other leg which is normal.  Although the doctors have the technology for lazer surgery and can easily remove years of build up and can turn the calendar back on the joints (I know this for certain because the vet did lazer surgery on my dog in the '80's) they refuse to do that because there is more profit in selling knee replacement surgery.

Do I care what the doctors say? No.  I resolved to hobble around on a cane if that's Hashem's will.  See, I told you, we're talking major attitude adjustment on my part!  Well not too long ago I had been catching up on work at my home office.  I had a lot to do because I take off and spend time with my grandchildren when they come to visit.  I must have been working on the computer for about 14 hours straight.  During all those hours of work I'm listening to my favorite songs of Yosef Karduner.  I never get tired of his music, so listening to Road Marks for 14 hours straight is no big deal for me.  Actually, it helps me do my work.

Anyway, I got up from the computer and dreaded standing after sitting for so long knowing how stiff my knee was going to be.  I stood up and something felt weird. I took a step and stopped.  Something was definitely different.  I took another step. There was no pain, my knee was bending!!!!!  I thought, "Whoa, what's going on here????"  I put both feet flat on the floor and stood up straight.  Both legs were the same length, as if the clock has been turned back 10 years!!!  Alone in my office I raised my hands and starting thanking Hashem and then I started dancing and jumping and singing like some kind of kid.  Knowing I did need to get rest I came back down to earth and slept for awhile.

When I woke up and jumped out of the bed, without a cane, the joy and happiness started all over again.  But of course, I am a "why" person.  I wasn't wondering why the blessing because I know Hashem is so merciful, I was wondering why now, at this time.  I booted up the computer and went straight to Lazer Beams and there was my answer!!!!!  This is what I saw that day on your website: "Shabbat - Simchat Torah: Barometer of Joy".  Is that amazing or what???? Before that, I had never even heard of Simchat Torah.  I knew about Succoth but hadn't heard of Simchat Torah.  Wow, what a lesson!

Signing off from behind the enemy lines in Alabama where Hashem is in command, Candie Davis

*******

Usually I edit letters quite heavily; you have my promise that I didn't touch Candie's letter - I only changed her name to protect her privacy. Nevertheless, Candie's emuna is burning so bright that all the folks in Alabama probably can guess who she and her terrific husband Ray really are. The greatest part about Outreach is the privilege of meeting people like them.

The age-old art of Abir, the ancient Hebrew Combat Art that has been passed down from our forefathers via a select few to this very generation, is an "endangered species". Read all about, G-d willing, it in tomorrow's Lazer Beams.