I'm writing this letter to my fellow LazerBeams readers with a mixture of tears and smiles. You see, I've been a baalat teshuva (spiritually-awakened Jew - LB) for 15 years. I married the guy of my dreams 13 years ago, who splits his time between working and learning Torah. We have eight fantastic children, baruch Hashem, which we are raising here in Israel. We live in a terrific neighborhood with plenty of English speakers of similar backgrounds to ours. Those are a few of the many great reasons why I'm smiling.
So why the tears? 18 years ago, I was still a wild college student at the University of Colorado, a real party school where almost anything goes. That was before my teshuva and before my marriage. I became pregnant in my senior year. Sure, my boyfriend from back then was not serious and not Jewish. I had every logical and justifiable reason to abort. But still, I snuffed out a little soul. When I read what Rabbi Brody wrote yesterday, "Remember one thing – a pregnancy that’s terminated is something that can’t be corrected either in this world or in the next world," I broke down crying. Sure, back then I didn't know or did I care to know the Torah view on abortion. But my heart tells me that I must make amends, despite the mitigating circumstances from back then when I was an innocent violator, or what they call a tinoket shenishbeta.
Confused and beside myself, I called Rabbi Brody (who my husband and I hold as our spiritual guide) early this morning and asked him to clarify the "can't be corrected" phrase. He quoted Rebbe Nachman who says that there's never a need for despair and that Teshuva corrects everything. He told me that the teshuva must be "teshuvat hamishkal", in other words, its good must equally outweigh and offset the evil of the transgression. That was encouraging: I realized that if I do what I can to prevent others from having abortions, this will atone for the abortion I had.
I took the bus to Jerusalem, and went personally to the Breslev Israel office where I picked up 200 copies of the new CD, Children are Joy, which gives solid reasons for the the baby's right to live and against abortion. Even if only 1 out of 20 potential abortees pay attention to it, I could still be saving 10 little lives. I intend to make sure that this CD gets spread far and wide - I really feel a sense of mission, and the type of good feeling that you get when you know you're doing the right thing. The mere privilege of participating in the distribution of this CD is wiping away my guilt feelings and giving me inner peace. As soon as I got home from Jerusalem, I fed my kids then sat down to write this letter, hoping that it will help at least one other woman feel good about herself too. Were it not for Rebbe Nachman of Breslev and his disciples in this generation Rabbi Shalom Arush and Rabbi Lazer Brody, people like me could be haunted by our past. Not any more - thank G-d we have BT rabbis in this generation who spread Rebbe Nachman's encouragement, light, and hope. So that's my story. Happy Chanuka to all, "M" from Ramat Bet Shemesh in Israel
I really appreciate M's candid and moving letter, and wish her and her family every blessing in the Torah. You can order 100 Children are Joy CDs for distribution at cost price by clicking on this link. Don't wait until the Heavenly Court asks why you sat back and did nothing to stop the Holocaust of abortions. When we have compassion for Hashem's little babies, He has compassion for our little babies. Blessings always, LB
Yesterday, Rabbi Brody