Lazer Beams

The test of Succos preparations

This time of year especially, kids watch their parents with eagle eyes. At times like this, they learn priorities.

If a child sees that his or her father views building a succah as a mandatory pain in the neck, don't be surprised that the child in subsequent years doesn't want to learn Torah or keep its commandments. If kids hear parents complaining about the high prices of lulavim and esrogim, when nobody uttered a peep about spending twice as much for a pair of tickets to the playoff game, then they'll also grow up with warped priorities and minimal regard for mitzvas.

The principal of מעשה אבות סימן יפה לבנים , in other words, the deeds of parents are steppingstones for children, holds true all year long. When a child sees how happily his or her parent washes hands after visiting the bathroom or before a meal, then the parent will never have to goad the child to do likewise.

Parental example

In most cases, children not only look like their parents - they act like their parents. The Talmudic sages hit the nail on the head when they said, "The acts of fathers are steppingstones for sons", in other words, children walk in the path of their parents' actions, and not necessarily in the path of their parents' preaching.

Probably the most hackneyed question I hear from parents - whether over the phone, via email, or on the street - is, "What do I do to make my son/daughter listen to me?" Other top-ten contending parental remarks include, "I can't understand why my son won't open a book," or "my daughter refuses to dress modestly, and has become downright insolent lately." The tunes are more than familiar to many of us.

Preaching and/or yelling serves no purpose. Physical punishments are even worse. The moment a parent raises a voice or a hand in anger, that parent has lost control, just like a drowning person yelling and splashing while trying to stay afloat. Irate parents are just as ineffective as drowning people.

Parents who serve as personal examples never need to yell or threaten. When parents speak with love and respect to each other, their children will follow suit. When a parent prays with furvor, a child will also seek a connection with The Almighty. But, when a parent is a hypocrite or a lier, the child won't listen to a word that parent says. Children love consistency and truth, for they feel most secure in an honest environment.

Parents who run a materialistic-oriented household, and measure success and the value of people and things in dollar signs, can't expect their children to be spiritual. If a father buries his nose in the morning newspaper, he has no moral right to demand that his son should love talmud study.

Children are mirrors of their parents; that's why in Breslever Chassidic thought, whenever we have a problem with a child, we don't reprimand the child until we first do intensive and extensive soul-searching within ourselves. Usually, once we correct our own deficiencies and misdoings, then our children's behavior falls right into place. The acts of fathers are steppingstones for sons - there is no better way of educating children than personal parental example.

Children of Hevron

Several years ago, during a visit to the Washington, DC area, I personally witnessed how a pair of series killers traumatized nearly two million people in the DC metropolitan area. People were literally paralyzed, and many refused to step out of their houses.

In sharp contrast, the Jews of Hevron are surrounded by scores of frenzied, terrorist series killers. Yet, they seem to fear nothing other than The Almighty. During a recent visit to Hevron, I visited a local cheder (religious boys' elementary school), curious to find out how the little guys - Israel's unsung heroes - are holding up under the pressure of their environment.

I was amazed to find calm, happy, well-adjusted, and highly-motivated children. They all knew their studies by heart, and were more than willing to tell me about this week's Torah portion, recite their mishnayos, or elaborate on Hevron's history.

What makes these little kids so stable, living in the eye of a hurricane? The answer is simple: uncompromising Torah education, simple and steadfast faith, and parents who are living examples of dedication to G-d, the Jewish people, and the Land of Israel.

Hashem is sending a stiff warning, Mister Obama (Psalm 105:16): "Don't touch My anointed, and don't harm My prophets!" If you do, a lot more than your teleprompter will smash all around you. 

מי כעמך ישראל

His name is Moishie, not Pigpen

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me!

Whoever coined the above expression didn't understand much about the human soul.

Let's take "Pigpen" for example. Charles M. Schulz never gave the little guy - one of his most famous cartoon-character creations - a real name. Ever since he became one of the "Peanuts" regulars in 1954, this little fellow has only been known by the name of "Pigpen".

"Pigpen" rolls with the verbal-abuse punches his parents, siblings, and friends dish out to him, but inside, there's no doubt that he's bleeding - constantly. Some smile when they read a cartoon featuring Pigpen. Personally, I both wince and shed a tear.

Think about this for a moment: Can you expect a child whom the entire world addresses as "Pigpen" to be neat and clean? Can you expect him to bathe or to pick up after himself? Can you expect his briefcase, his notebooks, or his desk to be orderly? Never in a million years!

Suppose we were to discover that this little boy's mother and father coined the horrendous nickname of Pigpen. We'd be furious and indignant, wouldn't we? We'd ask ourselves how can people be so cruel as to bury their child alive in a coffin of a negative self image, driven into him from an early age, that he's a filthy, messy, slob and a social misfit. What can possibly be expected of such a child?

Where do parents get the license to murder their kids with verbal abuse? Where do they get the right to call their children "lazy", "stupid", "fat", or "coward"? Insulting a child is every bit as cruel as beating him with a stick or stone; in many respects, the human soul is far more fragile than a human bone. Broken bones heal faster than broken souls...

Continue reading I'm Moishie, not Pigpen on this week's Breslev Israel web magazine.

Rebbe Nachman said about himself that if he hadn't had patience in monetary matters, he'd have ended up as a travelling salesman. Read about it in Nachman the Merchant. Apropo money matters, Rebbe Natan writes about Holiness and Wealth.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe writes about a woman's place in society in Women and Torah.

Healing One's Source is part 3 of our Medicine in Judaism series.

The Last Minute is the 10th and final part of The Journey, by Rabbi Erez Moshe Doron.

Unanswered Questions is part 10 of Strangers No More, the autobiography of a Scandinavian Presbyterian minister who became an Orthodox Jew and moved to Israel.

The Greatest Director tells about Tzvi Fischman, a Hollywood screenwriter who became a Baal Teshuva.

This week's Torah portion is Bamidbar. Have a wonderful week!

Children and Pesach Preparations

Many people are so stringent in their Passover preparations that they make their children the Pascal sacrifices. Scaring, shouting, or slapping a child out of anger is forbidden according to Torah. Preparing for Passover while terrorizing one's children is tantamount to baking shmura matza with stolen flour. The Gemara teaches us that a mitzva that is accomplished by way of a transgression is not only worthless, but it sorely invokes severe judgments from above. Preparing for Passover should be a joy, as we'll see and hear in today's 65-minute video lesson, taped live from the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva in Jerusalem, entitled A Happy Pesach.

Parental Attention and ADHD

In my experience of counseling parents on child-rearing issues, I've found a strong correlation between kids being diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and lack of attention at home. In quite a few cases pertaining to the children of our own Beams readers, parents asked for my opinion after school counselors and educational psychologists had not only prescribed Ritalin, but stipulated that the child's continued attendance at their school was contingent upon his taking the drug every day.

I asked parents to delay the use of the drug while first planning a program of maximum parental one-on-one quality time. Each program was tailor-made to the child. In extreme cases, I recommended home-schooling. The results, with Hashem's loving grace, have been superb.

In general, I urge parents to invest "yechidut" time, where the the parent gives total attention to the so-called ADHD child, with no other siblings around. For example, a father takes the son on a hike in the woods for 2 or 3 hours, once a week, and together they learn about trees, rocks, and birds while also doing personal prayer together. A mother might take her daughter for a lengthy exercise walk & talk, or they might shop together or bake challas together.

The one-on-one quality time with a parent calms a child, elevates his self-image, and does wonders for his inner joy, which is ever so important in enhancing the child's attention span and thought process.

At least 3 dozen children of our readers - that we know about - have rendered the use of Ritalin superfluous in the above manner.

Many parents protest that they lack the time to invest in their children. Priorities, folks... In the end, they ending up wasting more time running to school counselors, doctors and psychologists, not to mention the money involved either.

One of our readers sent me the following poignant anecdote to bring the point home:

A 5 year old boy asked his Daddy one day, “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” His father was quite pieved and said, “What business is it of yours?” The little boy persisted, so in the end, the father said, “Well, if you must know, I make $20 an hour”.

“In that case,” said the little boy, “can I have $9?”

His father was furious. He told the little boy to go and sit quietly in his room. Eventually he calmed down, and thought to himself, well, maybe he had a good reason to ask for $9, and he doesn’t ask me for money often. So he went to see his son, and told him, “Perhaps I was too hard on you earlier, and I am going to give you that $9”. When he gave it to him, he saw his son take a number of bills from under his pillow, and add the $9 to it. The father was surprised. “If you had all that money already”, he said, “why did you ask me for more?”

“Well”, said the boy, “ I did not have enough money before. But now I do. Can I buy an hour of your time?”

Think about it. Our children are precious little souls that Hashem has entrusted in our care. They deserve our undivided attention.

Ceasefire: Time for the Emuna Arsenal and Shema Yisrael

After three weeks of daily missile attacks, Monday was the first day of quiet here in Ashdod. G-d willing, schools will reopen today, as the city - like the rest of Israel's south - gradually returns to normal.

Meanwhile, Hamas vows to rearm. Iran is happy to accomodate them. Many analysts, including Israeli political leaders themselves, feel that this temporary lull will end in more rocket attacks when Hamas replenishes its losses and reactivates its weapons-smuggling system. One may think I'm naive, but this is not necessarily so.

Renewed hostilities don't depend on Iran or Hamas - it depends on us. The current lull in the fighting is Hashem's way of giving us another chance to make teshuva. Hashem doesn't expect people to make a massive revolution in their lives; all He expects is that they learn about emuna, say Kriat Shema (reciting the Shema Yisrael prayer) with their children at night, and try to be  a little bit better than they were yesterday. Why Kriat Shema? If one million more Jewish children learn how to say Kriat Shema, then Hamas and Hizbolla will be neutralized without our having to fire a shot. This is the arms race - we must teach every Jewish child to say Kriat Shema before Hamas rearms or before Iran becomes nuclear.

See the following one-minute clip, "The Answer to Terror and Islamofascism," by Emuna Outreach:

Emuna Outreach and the Beams want to express our sincerest appreciation to Disney illustrator "Baruch" Ken Becker, who is always there to help us fight the spiritual battles. Baruch designed our cute little "Shema Yisrael" boy, who we've nicknamed "Srulick Shema". "Srulick" is now a 4"x4" magnet that's being sent with every new Emuna Outreach order and contribution. Here he is, and you're welcome to print him out and post him by your child's bed or on the children's bedroom wall:

Click on the above image to get a full-size image suitable to print out on your computer.

Email your not-yet-observant friends and family, and promise them limitless blessings for themselves and their children by just saying one sentence before bedtime. Rashi tells us in his commentary on the Torah that even if a person has no other mitzva than reciting the Shema Yisrael prayer, Hashem will save him from danger:

Shema Yisrael, Adonoi Elohenu, Adonoi Echad

Hear O Israel, The Lord is our God, The Lord is One!

The more ambitious can find the entire Shema in Hebrew, English and transliteration here.

This is an unbelievably cogent contribution to Israel's security and to overcoming our enemies. By virtue of the "Shema", we'll see limitless blessings both individual and collective, amen.

Beams Weekend Feature: The Spiritual War

The Midrash tells us (Breishit Raba 65:20) that when the voice of Jacob sings out in prayer and Torah learning, the hands of Esau lose all of their power. King David says specifically in Psalm 20, verse 8: "Some have their chariots and some have their horses, but we shall call the out the Name of Hashem." Whereas Israel's true power is in Torah and prayer, Ishmael was blessed (or cursed) to live by his sword. The winner of the war will be whoever does his job best.

Here's the essence of the real war that's more than 33 centuries old. See the difference between the "Jihad" kids of Gaza and the Torah kids of Jerusalem:

Jihad Kids:

Torah Kids:

Ask a child in the south of Israel what he'd like for Shabbat; there's a 9 to 1 chance that he'll say, "A quiet Shabbat with no sirens or bombs." Have a peaceful Shabbat Vayichi.

Gerrer Rebbe shlit'a on davening in Uman

Last year, during a convention of the leading educators in the Gerrer cheder (elementary educational - LB) network, the Gerrer Rebbe shlit'a told the participants: "Too bad we don't have a place in Eretz Yisroel where our children can see davening (praying - LB) like in Uman!"

Teenage Drinking

Dear Rabbi Lazer,
I belong to a synagogue where refreshments are served after the services, including alcoholic beverages for the purpose of "l'chaim" (a toast - LB). The teenagers often descend like hornets on the vodka, and neither the rabbi nor their parents say a word. It bugs the heck out of me. Am I in the wrong? Is this a legitimate custom? Thanks for your attention. Yours, Marty from LA

Dear Marty,

The custom of "lekach und bronfan" (cakes and whiskey) goes back to Chassidishe Russia, where a person needed a shot of vodka to get his circulation going in the -30 F weather. Also, people were so poor that the little piece of cake that they were served after the daily prayers was often the only thing they ate all day long.

I am firmly against alcoholic consumption at any age and at any place, save for a minimum amount of wine required for a blessing on Sabbath and festivals. Rav Shalom Arush and I make "l'chayim" and "kiddush" on grape juice; we drink wine only twice a year - Purim and Seder night, after saying a long prayer before every glass. Tell your friends at the synagogue not to be so naive to think that their kids will limit drinking to the shul. Once they get used to the sauce, they'll be hiding bottles in their bedrooms.

Vodka is not the proper way to attract young people to the synagogue. Sincere and fervent prayer with plenty of singing and joy is. Blessings for an inscription in the Book of Life for a wonderful New Year 5769, LB