Lazer Beams

His name is Moishie, not Pigpen

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me!

Whoever coined the above expression didn't understand much about the human soul.

Let's take "Pigpen" for example. Charles M. Schulz never gave the little guy - one of his most famous cartoon-character creations - a real name. Ever since he became one of the "Peanuts" regulars in 1954, this little fellow has only been known by the name of "Pigpen".

"Pigpen" rolls with the verbal-abuse punches his parents, siblings, and friends dish out to him, but inside, there's no doubt that he's bleeding - constantly. Some smile when they read a cartoon featuring Pigpen. Personally, I both wince and shed a tear.

Think about this for a moment: Can you expect a child whom the entire world addresses as "Pigpen" to be neat and clean? Can you expect him to bathe or to pick up after himself? Can you expect his briefcase, his notebooks, or his desk to be orderly? Never in a million years!

Suppose we were to discover that this little boy's mother and father coined the horrendous nickname of Pigpen. We'd be furious and indignant, wouldn't we? We'd ask ourselves how can people be so cruel as to bury their child alive in a coffin of a negative self image, driven into him from an early age, that he's a filthy, messy, slob and a social misfit. What can possibly be expected of such a child?

Where do parents get the license to murder their kids with verbal abuse? Where do they get the right to call their children "lazy", "stupid", "fat", or "coward"? Insulting a child is every bit as cruel as beating him with a stick or stone; in many respects, the human soul is far more fragile than a human bone. Broken bones heal faster than broken souls...

Continue reading I'm Moishie, not Pigpen on this week's Breslev Israel web magazine.

Rebbe Nachman said about himself that if he hadn't had patience in monetary matters, he'd have ended up as a travelling salesman. Read about it in Nachman the Merchant. Apropo money matters, Rebbe Natan writes about Holiness and Wealth.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe writes about a woman's place in society in Women and Torah.

Healing One's Source is part 3 of our Medicine in Judaism series.

The Last Minute is the 10th and final part of The Journey, by Rabbi Erez Moshe Doron.

Unanswered Questions is part 10 of Strangers No More, the autobiography of a Scandinavian Presbyterian minister who became an Orthodox Jew and moved to Israel.

The Greatest Director tells about Tzvi Fischman, a Hollywood screenwriter who became a Baal Teshuva.

This week's Torah portion is Bamidbar. Have a wonderful week!

Children and Pesach Preparations

Many people are so stringent in their Passover preparations that they make their children the Pascal sacrifices. Scaring, shouting, or slapping a child out of anger is forbidden according to Torah. Preparing for Passover while terrorizing one's children is tantamount to baking shmura matza with stolen flour. The Gemara teaches us that a mitzva that is accomplished by way of a transgression is not only worthless, but it sorely invokes severe judgments from above. Preparing for Passover should be a joy, as we'll see and hear in today's 65-minute video lesson, taped live from the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva in Jerusalem, entitled A Happy Pesach.

Parental Attention and ADHD

In my experience of counseling parents on child-rearing issues, I've found a strong correlation between kids being diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and lack of attention at home. In quite a few cases pertaining to the children of our own Beams readers, parents asked for my opinion after school counselors and educational psychologists had not only prescribed Ritalin, but stipulated that the child's continued attendance at their school was contingent upon his taking the drug every day.

I asked parents to delay the use of the drug while first planning a program of maximum parental one-on-one quality time. Each program was tailor-made to the child. In extreme cases, I recommended home-schooling. The results, with Hashem's loving grace, have been superb.

In general, I urge parents to invest "yechidut" time, where the the parent gives total attention to the so-called ADHD child, with no other siblings around. For example, a father takes the son on a hike in the woods for 2 or 3 hours, once a week, and together they learn about trees, rocks, and birds while also doing personal prayer together. A mother might take her daughter for a lengthy exercise walk & talk, or they might shop together or bake challas together.

The one-on-one quality time with a parent calms a child, elevates his self-image, and does wonders for his inner joy, which is ever so important in enhancing the child's attention span and thought process.

At least 3 dozen children of our readers - that we know about - have rendered the use of Ritalin superfluous in the above manner.

Many parents protest that they lack the time to invest in their children. Priorities, folks... In the end, they ending up wasting more time running to school counselors, doctors and psychologists, not to mention the money involved either.

One of our readers sent me the following poignant anecdote to bring the point home:

A 5 year old boy asked his Daddy one day, “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” His father was quite pieved and said, “What business is it of yours?” The little boy persisted, so in the end, the father said, “Well, if you must know, I make $20 an hour”.

“In that case,” said the little boy, “can I have $9?”

His father was furious. He told the little boy to go and sit quietly in his room. Eventually he calmed down, and thought to himself, well, maybe he had a good reason to ask for $9, and he doesn’t ask me for money often. So he went to see his son, and told him, “Perhaps I was too hard on you earlier, and I am going to give you that $9”. When he gave it to him, he saw his son take a number of bills from under his pillow, and add the $9 to it. The father was surprised. “If you had all that money already”, he said, “why did you ask me for more?”

“Well”, said the boy, “ I did not have enough money before. But now I do. Can I buy an hour of your time?”

Think about it. Our children are precious little souls that Hashem has entrusted in our care. They deserve our undivided attention.

Ceasefire: Time for the Emuna Arsenal and Shema Yisrael

After three weeks of daily missile attacks, Monday was the first day of quiet here in Ashdod. G-d willing, schools will reopen today, as the city - like the rest of Israel's south - gradually returns to normal.

Meanwhile, Hamas vows to rearm. Iran is happy to accomodate them. Many analysts, including Israeli political leaders themselves, feel that this temporary lull will end in more rocket attacks when Hamas replenishes its losses and reactivates its weapons-smuggling system. One may think I'm naive, but this is not necessarily so.

Renewed hostilities don't depend on Iran or Hamas - it depends on us. The current lull in the fighting is Hashem's way of giving us another chance to make teshuva. Hashem doesn't expect people to make a massive revolution in their lives; all He expects is that they learn about emuna, say Kriat Shema (reciting the Shema Yisrael prayer) with their children at night, and try to be  a little bit better than they were yesterday. Why Kriat Shema? If one million more Jewish children learn how to say Kriat Shema, then Hamas and Hizbolla will be neutralized without our having to fire a shot. This is the arms race - we must teach every Jewish child to say Kriat Shema before Hamas rearms or before Iran becomes nuclear.

See the following one-minute clip, "The Answer to Terror and Islamofascism," by Emuna Outreach:

Emuna Outreach and the Beams want to express our sincerest appreciation to Disney illustrator "Baruch" Ken Becker, who is always there to help us fight the spiritual battles. Baruch designed our cute little "Shema Yisrael" boy, who we've nicknamed "Srulick Shema". "Srulick" is now a 4"x4" magnet that's being sent with every new Emuna Outreach order and contribution. Here he is, and you're welcome to print him out and post him by your child's bed or on the children's bedroom wall:

Click on the above image to get a full-size image suitable to print out on your computer.

Email your not-yet-observant friends and family, and promise them limitless blessings for themselves and their children by just saying one sentence before bedtime. Rashi tells us in his commentary on the Torah that even if a person has no other mitzva than reciting the Shema Yisrael prayer, Hashem will save him from danger:

Shema Yisrael, Adonoi Elohenu, Adonoi Echad

Hear O Israel, The Lord is our God, The Lord is One!

The more ambitious can find the entire Shema in Hebrew, English and transliteration here.

This is an unbelievably cogent contribution to Israel's security and to overcoming our enemies. By virtue of the "Shema", we'll see limitless blessings both individual and collective, amen.

Beams Weekend Feature: The Spiritual War

The Midrash tells us (Breishit Raba 65:20) that when the voice of Jacob sings out in prayer and Torah learning, the hands of Esau lose all of their power. King David says specifically in Psalm 20, verse 8: "Some have their chariots and some have their horses, but we shall call the out the Name of Hashem." Whereas Israel's true power is in Torah and prayer, Ishmael was blessed (or cursed) to live by his sword. The winner of the war will be whoever does his job best.

Here's the essence of the real war that's more than 33 centuries old. See the difference between the "Jihad" kids of Gaza and the Torah kids of Jerusalem:

Jihad Kids:

Torah Kids:

Ask a child in the south of Israel what he'd like for Shabbat; there's a 9 to 1 chance that he'll say, "A quiet Shabbat with no sirens or bombs." Have a peaceful Shabbat Vayichi.

Gerrer Rebbe shlit'a on davening in Uman

Last year, during a convention of the leading educators in the Gerrer cheder (elementary educational - LB) network, the Gerrer Rebbe shlit'a told the participants: "Too bad we don't have a place in Eretz Yisroel where our children can see davening (praying - LB) like in Uman!"

Teenage Drinking

Dear Rabbi Lazer,
I belong to a synagogue where refreshments are served after the services, including alcoholic beverages for the purpose of "l'chaim" (a toast - LB). The teenagers often descend like hornets on the vodka, and neither the rabbi nor their parents say a word. It bugs the heck out of me. Am I in the wrong? Is this a legitimate custom? Thanks for your attention. Yours, Marty from LA

Dear Marty,

The custom of "lekach und bronfan" (cakes and whiskey) goes back to Chassidishe Russia, where a person needed a shot of vodka to get his circulation going in the -30 F weather. Also, people were so poor that the little piece of cake that they were served after the daily prayers was often the only thing they ate all day long.

I am firmly against alcoholic consumption at any age and at any place, save for a minimum amount of wine required for a blessing on Sabbath and festivals. Rav Shalom Arush and I make "l'chayim" and "kiddush" on grape juice; we drink wine only twice a year - Purim and Seder night, after saying a long prayer before every glass. Tell your friends at the synagogue not to be so naive to think that their kids will limit drinking to the shul. Once they get used to the sauce, they'll be hiding bottles in their bedrooms.

Vodka is not the proper way to attract young people to the synagogue. Sincere and fervent prayer with plenty of singing and joy is. Blessings for an inscription in the Book of Life for a wonderful New Year 5769, LB

Children Know the Score

Children, when they're still young enough, have crystal clear intellects and the ability to absorb truth. They lose it once they're contaminated with the type of garbage that TV and movies injects in their brain.

Any doubts? Here's a letter from Mrs. FSB from the Los Angeles area:

Dear Rabbi Lazer,

As my 3 year old was lying in bed - to go to sleep, he called out for a drink. When my response took longer than a few seconds, he immediately turned to ask Hashem. He told Hashem that he's only a toddler, and he needs a drink.

We have been listening to your Emuna CDs in the car and although I try not to have them on when he's in the car so that I can spend the time talking to him. Recently, the lessons have been so good that the few times that I just can't get myself to turn them off, seems to be rubbing off on him. I couldn't believe the way my 3-year old was actually doing hitbodedut and talking to Hashem! Maybe I should have him listen to the CDs more often...

Anyway, I thought it was adorable, maybe just cuz he's my son and I was there at the time. I just wanted to share and let you know that even a 3 year old is gaining Emuna from your CDs. With gratitude, FSB

Dear FSB,

Thanks for the delightful email. Yes, let your 3-year old listen to the CDs - they'll ingrain emuna on his pure little soul. Blessings and tons of joy from all your children (those here anbd those on the way), LB

Amalek and Linda

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I really don't trust anyone - especially rabbis - but somehow I do trust you. I hope you can help me, especially since nobody else seems to be able to. I'm seventeen and I've been religious all my life - now all I want is to drop the whole religion business. Sure, I still believe in God - it's not like I think Torah isn't true - I just don't want it. Plain and simple. Leave me alone, I'll do what I want, who cares what will happen. So I won't be religious - oh well. But I didn't always think like that. Two years ago I would have thought whoever wrote the above was crazy. I used to love Judaism. Really. I wasn't just going with the flow and doing what I was taught - I loved it and believed in it with all my heart. I was probably more than just your typical religious girl. Now I hate religion and rituals with a passion. I'm almost crazed by this desire to be as bad as possible, to get as far away from the word "Jewish" as I can.

My parents are devastated, my school kicked me out and everyone is very angry with me (to put it plainly). All they can do is yell at me that I should change back to what I used to be, and ask me thousands of times over WHY DID U CHANGE!!!! Belive me, I have absolutely no desire to change. I don't want to be that religious goody-goody I used to be. And I tell them that - I just want OUT!!! So stop preaching at me about why being Jewish is so good - because I don't see it. At this point I don't even want to see it anymore. But their question of why did I change I have no answer for.

Maybe you'll just think I'm a complete idiot- like the rest of the world does- but I really hope you don't. I don't think I'm an idiot. I'm a smart person, I won't usually do things without a good reason- but this I really have no answer for. I don't know why I changed. I just know that it wasn't another person that changed me. It just happened gradually and I have no idea why. My parents and school will blame different people but I know inside that there is no one to blame besides me.(not that I am blaming myself- I'm happy I changed). Is there some reason that a person would change drastically for no apparent reason- that they themselves don't even know why? Yours, "Linda" from the USA

Dear Linda,

I certainly don't think that you're an idiot; on the contrary. I receive loads of letters every day, many of which are from young people in your age group. Your seriousness, depth of character, and intellectual honesty ranks among the top 10% of young people with whom I speak. I thank The Almighty that you had the tremendously good sense to write me before you cut loose on a wild weekend to be "as bad as possible". Be careful - too many vultures would pounce on such a delicate turtle dove as you, heaven forbid.

For the time being, I want to respectfully request from your teachers, your parents, and the entire religious community to please get off your back. G-d gives free choice, and no one has the right to take that away from you. Preaching never helps, only personal example. If your teachers and parents have failed, maybe it's because you don't want to be like them. Therefore, let them correct themselves before correcting you. I allow you to tell them that in my name.

Now, let's cut through the garbage and get down to the nitty gritty. Linda, Amalek is grabbing you by the neck. He's got nothing to offer but shortest term cheap thrills and longterm misery. I've been down just about any of the roads that you dream of traveling. I've back-packed the 4 corners of the world, been through party years at the University of Maryland, through plenty of blood-sweat-and-tear years in the Israeli Army, and through personal growth and rebirth years at Yeshiva and in my subsequent years as a rabbi and emotional counselor. True, there's plenty to learn in the outside world, such as dedication, commitment, etc. The problem is that you might get killed - morally, emotionally, or spiritually - while you're learning it. I'll be happy to show you that anything you'd like to learn is in the Torah. A king's daughter doesn't have to step in the manure of a cowshed to fetch a glass of milk. Besides, by throwing away the benevolent yoke of Torah and mitzvas, you won't gain freedom; you'll only become a slave to Amalek (who really runs the show in the USA; "Amalek" and "dollar" are the same gematria), social pressure, peer pressure, and your own evil inclinations. You'll do plenty of things that deep down are against your wishes - I don't call that freedom of spirit.

Your desire for change is the result of small but gradual and persistent doses of Hollywood, TV, trashy books and magazines that you've been peeking at, the web, and other anti-Torah mental junk food that's been penetrating your heart and brain like drops of spiritual toxins. Eventually, the toxins accumulate in your soul, and... All of a sudden, you've become enamored with the outside world - its speech, its dress, and its warped idea of love and sex, and the Judaism you once loved - by your own testimony - has lost its glamor.

You wake up one morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and say. "Hey, I'm a nurd! I want to be cool and foxy like Britney Spears!" Let me share a little secret with you - Britney and her friends are miserable. They're trying to be like the old Linda. One of Hollywood's most famous TV stars is a brutal, miserable alcoholic whose blown four marriages. How do I know? He came to me for counseling. If you don't believe me, I'll let you contact his agent who was the go-between. Madonna and her buddies are all looking for spirituality, but unfortunately, they're knocking on the wrong doors.

Linda, you ask the question, "Why have I changed? Who has changed me?" Here's a bombshell for your parents and teachers: Hashem is changing you. Hashem is using your bad decisions for your own good, because He loves you so much. He doesn't want you to be a shallow Jewish girl that discusses wigs and clothes styles all day long. Since you haven't developed a personal relationship with Hashem up until now, He wants you to do so by starting from scratch.

Hashem agrees that you should do what you want. But, when you really love someone, you want to do their will also. You can't love someone without a personal, intimate relationship. Hashem wants you to have such a relationship with Him. How? By talking to him in your own words for an hour a day.

For the time being, I don't care if you don't pick up a prayer book, just so long as you speak to Hashem every day. I want you to read The Garden of Emuna - it will teach you things that you never learned in Beis Yaakov.

Feel free to open up to Hashem - cry, laugh, and pour your heart out honestly, with no holds barred. Tell Hashem your innermost feelings. I do ask one thing from you: While you're making your spiritual search - which you have every right to do - don't do anything that you'll regret for the rest of your life. Continue keeping Shabbos, eating kosher, washing your hands in the morning, and dressing modestly. These four mitzvas will keep your brain clear and help you to find truth.

Linda, please remain in touch, and avoid arguments with people. May G-d bless you always and lead you on the path of truth and inner peace. With blessings always, LB

Verbal Abuse of Children

Last week, a mother's screech reverberated in our apartment building, "Rachel, you're the laziest girl I've ever seen!"

Rachel and my daughter are in the same class at Bes Yaakov seminar in Ashdod. In a panic, she asked to copy my daughter's math homework. My daughter explained that the homework is designed to practice problem-solving; the methodology is important, and the answers are only secondary. "I'm a lazy person," said Rachel, "I can't apply myself to doing math homework."

If Rachel is so lazy, I asked myself, why were she and my daughter up until midnight baking cakes for a poor girlfriend's engagement party? Rachel can be quite a dynamo if properly motivated. Yet, if her mother continues to label her "lazy", that's the exact mold her body and soul will assume. At this point - and at age 16 it's almost too late - Rachel is doomed to be an insecure, lethargic adult. Who's to blame? Her mother.

Why do parents verbally abuse children? My Hebrew book Nafshi Sidom, a guide to coping with verbal abuse, lists five main reasons:
1. The parents grew up in a home where the children were verbally abused.
2. The parent has a low self image, and tries to elevate himself or herself by trodding on the children.
3. The parents never learned the principles of educating children, especially education according to Torah guidelines.
4. The parent has exaggerated expectations from the child; when they are not realized, the parent pours his or her frustration on the child.
5. The parent has created a uniform standard for all his or her children, while ignoring King Solomon's rule (Proverbs 22:6), "Educate according to the way of the child," in other words, according to the specific spiritual and emotional needs of each child.

Onaas devorim, Hebrew for verbal abuse, is a severe transgression. Rabbi Yisroel Meir Kahan, the famed Chofetz Chaim, says that a person is better off losing every material possession in the world, rather than committing one transgression. No parent has the right to verbally abuse a child. Labels, insults, high-volume voices, and threats are not acceptable substitutes for proper parental guidance.