Try and remember the person that had the greatest influence on your life. Maybe it was a teacher, a relative, a grandparent, a spiritual guide or a military commander. Notice that this particular person had certain qualities that you adored, even though he or she wasn't always easy on you. Let's reconstruct those qualities and put them down on paper:
1. You had no doubt that this person categorically cared about you and only wanted the best for you.
2. This person believed in you completely, even when you failed to believe in yourself.
3. This person always seemed to know how you feel.
4. This person was a great listener.
Amazingly, the above four points are a commendable definition for the word “compassion” - caring about another person, wanting the best for them, believing in them, knowing how they feel and listening to them.
The above four points are the key to success in any situation where one is required to educate and train others, whether as an athletic coach, as a military commander, or as a parent.
Calm down, machos; you want to tell me that if acted like that toward the soldiers under your command or toward your subordinates, there'd be no discipline. I vehemently disagree. There were tough, egocentric commanders all over the world who got killed from a rifle shot in the back of the head. Ask any Vietnam veteran. Yet, there were compassionate – albeit necessarily tough – commanders who cared about each individual guy under his command. The rigid borders they established were for the sole purpose of saving lifes.
I'll never forget my high-school wrestling coach, who interestingly enough become a PhD in education. He was ever so tough on us; he too established very delineated borders that no one dared to cross. He once threw the state champion off the team for being arrogant. More than moves on the mat, he taught us how to be winners in life. I was an overweight kid with a history of asthma and not much physique. The coach overlooked all my drawbacks and honed in to the one gift Hashem gave me that few others had – unbelievable desire. The coach worked with me; I lost all my excess body weight and became slim as a lynx and almost as fast. He believed in me and showed me how to make the very best of the tools that Hashem gave me.
Most other coaches wouldn't have allowed a boy like me to try out for the team. Our coach was never blessed with children of his own; we were his sons.
When I think about the success formula for parenting, compassion is the first word that comes to mind. Like King Solomon said in Proverbs, we must educate each child according to his or her aptitudes and aspirations, not what we necessarily desire for them. We don't force-feed kids with our own aspirations.
So now, let's test ourselves as parents: can we honestly say that we fulfill the above-mentioned four points of compassion with each of our children? Wouldn't we want our children to think of us for posterity as the greatest positive influence in their lives? And we should be! Wouldn't we want to help each of our children attain their maximal potential while building on their good points? If not, we need to change our game plan as parents.
Let's test ourselves point by point:
Continue reading Four Corners of Compassion on this week's exciting issue of Breslev Israel web magazine.
Also featured this week:
Rabbi Shalom Arush: Only Hashem
Rabbi David Charlop: Including the Red
Racheli Reckles: The Beauty Paradox
Dr. Zev Ballen: Parenting in Reverse
Rivka Levy: Really Righteous, The People in Spain
Gila David: Guarding my Feminine Eyes
Dovber Halevi: Hillel's Challenge
Chaya Ovadia: Home, Sweet Home
Big Beams Blessings for a wonderful week!
