My husband was showing me a few adorable pictures he took of my two youngest boys, Nachman and Natan. These two are soulmates. Nachman is almost 5, and Natan is almost 3. Their birthdays are both in Adar, six days apart. They have the closest brotherly connection of all of my kids.
What's most interesting to me is that when Nachman was just 14 months old, I was suddenly seized by a desire to have another baby. It came out of thin air. And once I get my mind on something, that's it. I ain't gonna stop until I get what I want.
I told my husband that I want another baby right now, and he told me that Amazon doesn't do Prime two-day shipping for these kinds of things. What a shame. B"H, one month later I was pregnant.
Now, looking back, I can see why I was so compelled to have another baby. It was because these two souls were extremely close, and they needed to be together. So I realized that it really wasn't my decision to want another baby. Hashem knew that this would be what I needed for many reasons, so He put that desire in me.
How many times have we had an idea, or done something for reasons that we just can't explain? It's easy to accept that Hashem made us do it when the things that we have done were good. But, I have to tell you that Hashem also compels us to do things that seem to make no sense, either. We can look back on so many stupid decisions and thing, "What in the world was I thinking?"
Well, the good news is that you really weren't thinking anything. Hashem was influencing your thoughts in order to bring about a necessary soul correction for you. Sometimes we can see how it all worked out for the best; and sometimes, we can't. But we have to believe that the outcome will always be good.
Therefore, let's stop beating ourselves up over our stupid decisions, and stop hogging all the credit for our good decisions. Hashem is in control, and will always be in control. Once we really internalize that, we'll feel so much better, and life will turn into a never-ending fairy tale filled with butterflies and sunshine and lots of money. Okay, so not really.
Have a wonderful day!