You're probably looking at this picture and wondering what I'm trying to show you.
PEOPLE!! Don't you SEE that gas station sign??
To most normal people, this looks like there's a gas station on the side of the road. But you'd be WRONG!
To this not normal person, that gas station sign has great historical symbolism.
You see, this gas station is not finished. It hasn't been finished since they started building it nearly four years ago. Ffffour years!
I ask you - is that normal? Even a high rise building can be completed in less than four years! Why is this gas station taking soooo long??
Before I reveal the answer, I'd like to explain my obsession with this gas station. It's no ordinary gas station, my friends. The back road that I'm driving on is a wonderful road that bypasses nearly all of Bet Shemesh from the East side. It cuts your travel time down to less than half versus driving through all of Bet Shemesh itself. I use it every morning to go to the gym and run other important errands, like shopping and... um... shopping. (I just gotta say that David pulled a smart move by taking the credit card with him. And it's a good thing we only have one, because I'm a professional at using credit cards.)
The nearest gas station is in the industrial zone in Bet Shemesh, and it's a pain to get in and out of when it's crowded. Wait! I just realized something so hysterically ironic. Right up the street from the gas station that I use is another gas station, but I never use that one because you need to make very sharp 90 degree turns to get in and out of there, and my big ol' van with the front bumper hangin' low as if it's too cool for school ain't doin' no 90 degree turns.
That gas station was built in three months. But that's not the ironic part! Just this morning, I was driving by it, and poof! Another gas station just appeared out of thin air! Right next door! Same crowded road, same problem getting in and out. So now we have three gas station within a 10 second walk of each other. Hysterical. Irony.
This gas station that's on the back road is a dream. Not only is it convenient and spacious, it even has a drive-thru car wash!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??!!
A DRIVE-THRU CAR WASH!!!
THEY DON'T EXIST IN ISRAEL!!
And soon, God willing, Bli Ayin Hara, B'ezrat Hashem, For God's Sake, Goodness Gracious, G-d forbid, I will be able to drive my car up to the gas station in leisure, and then drive it through the car wash!! And the best part is that I won't have to deal with the crazy traffic in that part of town!
So that's all nice, and the wine is starting to kick in, and you're probably fed up of my nonsense by now, so I'll explain what in the world my point is. But first, the wine is calling my name.
Okay, now that that's done, let's get to the point.
Many people claim that our Final Redemption is around the corner. They say they can feel it. Well I can do better. I can see it, right in front of my face. I can see it in that gas station sign. There is no logical reason, aside from lack of funds, turning over the property, a lawsuit, or all kinds of other legal situations, that this gas station wouldn't be finished by now.
Therefore, since I don't know why it has been taking so long, I came up with a brilliant and slightly crazy theory. If you even think about using my theory in your name, I have patented it, and I will come after you. Be warned.
I fully believe that this gas station will be ready just in time for the arrival of our Mashiach. It's on a road that conveniently leads to Jerusalem in several different directions. It's stalling big time, just like our Redemption. It's way too convenient, and convenience isn't very Israeli. At least, not current Israeli. But it sure is redemption Israeli!
Next thing they'll do is put grocery baggers at every cash register like they do in the States. I'm willing to bet big money that the Mashiach will be here before or slightly after my fantasy becomes a reality. Grocery baggers are a luxury, so enjoy them, ya chutznikim. Look it up. I'm too lazy to explain what that word means.
I hope that this Rosh Hashana brings us our Final Redemption in all its glory, minus the blood and guts. I hope we will all be able to internalize that Hashem loves us and is always doing what's best for us, even if it's taking a really long time and we're fed up of waiting and driving to the edge of town to get some gas.
Let's do our maximum to be the best people we can be. Let's focus on being there for our families, our children, and our spouses more than anyone else. Let's talk to Hashem as much as we can.
May you all be blessed with a beautiful year filled with everything good! (Seriously. Does that make sense? Because I can fix it. Really.)
Warmest Wishes for a happy and healthy Rosh Hashana! Shana Tova and G'mar Chatima Tova!