20 posts categorized "Humor"

Smartphone Blind

My dear friend and Emuna Therapist Rebbetzin Yehudit Channen shared this video with me. It took me three times of watching this video to understand what was going on. In the end, I finally got it and laughed at my own stupidity and the humor of the video. While certainly funny, it's also painfully true. We've become so addicted to our phones that we can't even walk down the street without staring into it and typing. 

Even in the elevator nearly everyone I see is checking their phones. What exactly are they checking for? Do they need to be plugged in to the virtual world at every moment? What about connecting with the real world that they're actually a real part of?

Thank G-d we have Shabbat, a chance to disconnect from the social media time-sucker. We can focus on connecting with real people and developing real relationships instead of virtual ones. This Shabbat, weather permitting, go for a nice walk outside. Focus on the beautiful trees. Listen to the birds if they haven't flown South. Look at the gorgeous blue or grey sky. Enjoy breathing in the fresh or polluted air.

In other words, be present.

Shabbat Shalom! For something great to discuss with the family at the Shabbat table, see Rav Brody's mini-lesson on this week's Torah portion in the post directly below. With big smiles,

~Racheli


The Latkes Lady

IMG_9423

Awww, yeah.... don't those look goo-oo-ood? Mmm, mmm! 

I've decided that I can't look at another donut. Maybe tomorrow I'll change my mind. But as of today, I am officially known as The Latkes Lady. As you can see, these are nacho average latkes. As in, they're nacho latkes. Say wha'? That's right. I was on a mission to find out how to make baked latkes, which in fact you can! The baked ones are in the pan in the background. And during my quest, David, my online research gopher, found a recipe for cheddar cheese jalapeno latkes. I'm not sure how to type the n with the little squiggly line on top of it, so you'll have to deal with the English accent. 

Since I don't have a dairy oven aside from my microscopic nano-toaster, I decided to draw on my reserve brain cells and come up with the ingenious idea of using my extra-large sandwich grill toaster thing. I lined the thing with a sheet of wax paper on the bottom, put six of these little guys in there, and then smushed the life out of them with another sheet of wax paper on the top. It took a long time, but boy, did these come out dee-lish-us!

To top it off I loaded them up with some more shredded cheddar, jalapenos, black olives, sour cream, and a few actual real, overpriced, imported blue corn tortilla chips. The non-Spanish speakers out there pronounce tortilla like this: tor-ti-la. Aye, Padre. It used to hurt my ears to hear an American try to speak Spanish with an American accent when I was living in Miami.

So I'm rambling here, because I'm tired and I haven't been to Zumba since last Thursday. Thank G-d I'm feeling better, but my little boyfriend now has a fever. I'm having serious withdrawal. My triceps are gettin' jiggly with it.

Speaking of withdrawal, it turns out that hubby loves country music. He likes to pretend like he can sing, and makes those drawls with the words. Isn't it weird how when you say a word too many times it starts to sound really strange? Drawl. Draaawwwwllllll. Strange.

Tonight, my dear friend Rebbetzin Channen and her husband came over for dinner. She knows I like funny stuff, so she brought over this crazy list of funny country music song titles. I thought I'd share a few with you so we can all enjoy a virtual laugh together over many time zones. I'm desperately trying to find some sort of spiritual something to connect these song titles with, and luckily for me, I got it! Rebbe Nachman says, "Mitzvah gedola lehiyot b'simcha!" It is a great mitzvah to be happy! Joy is the foundation of every blessing, so if you're happy no matter what, Hashem will give you plenty of reasons to be happy! So without further ado... Smile!

-How can I miss you if you won't go away?

-They may put me in prison but they can't stop my face from breakin' out

-Mama get a hammer, there's a fly on Daddy's head

-If you really loved me, you'd leave

-If I ain't got it, you don't need it (Husbands, don't you dare use this line on your wives)

-You're the reason our babies are so ugly (Wives, don't you dare use this line on your husbands)

-I'm so miserable without you, it's like having you here

-Oh Lord it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way

-You ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'

-The next time you throw that frying pan my face ain't gonna be there (I think my husband wrote this one) 

Wishing you a continued Chanukah Sameach! 

 ~Racheli


Open Your Eyes

Hey, all! It's Racheli, and I'm ready for a nap. Actually, now that the kids are back in school, life is getting more manageable again. In fact, yesterday my husband and I celebrated the kids' return to school by going out for breakfast! What a treat! Of course, I couldn't stop myself from trying to get something for free, because it's just so fun to get stuff for free. The best part, aside from my free mushrooms on top of my salad, was that I actually got to eat my entire meal sitting down. Yes. They charge for mushrooms. The nerve of them! 

As I was driving my date out of the parking lot in my garbage-mobile, I stopped to let an old lady cross the street. Is saying that someone is old politically incorrect? Is there a more acceptable term these days? What about "youth-challenged"? That's just too long, so let's stick with old. Anyhow, there was a car to my right, waiting to get out of its parking spot. The guy started honking at me like crazy, but I had nowhere to go. I couldn't go around the "elderly" lady, because there was another car waiting in the opposing lane. So I sat there for a whole 15 seconds. Big deal. But this guy couldn't contain himself. He honked and honked until I was able to move. 

His gross impatience was a perfect example of an important lesson. Oops - was "gross impatience" not pc? Sorry. So the lesson he taught me was twofold: first, use your common sense. If I'm stopped behind you, is it because:

a) I don't want to go home, because I have laundry all over the couch

b) I am bored and thought I would pass the time by stopping behind your car

c) I'm not driving because I just can't at the moment. 

Hmmm. Tough call.

Second part of the lesson: we all tend to be extremely short-sighted when confronted with frustrations. We can't see how Hashem has put that obstacle in our path for a reason. If we are able to control our reaction and count to one, maybe we will be able to realize that there is a big picture, and if we're facing an obstacle, it must be for our best. 

Hopefully I and some other lucky person out there will be able to remember this the next time we're faced with an annoyance, or worse. If we open our eyes and try to see Hashem in our situation, we will be able to bear it much more easily. I'll make sure to read this post numerous times this afternoon, when my nerves are being tested every three seconds by my adorable, sweet, agreeable children. That was pc, right? 


Matzo Man

Important Pesach notice: Sadness and depression are the two worst forms of spiritual chometz. They have no place in our house or in our hearts! If you're not smiling, G-d forbid, go have a look at Matzo Man - this is one of our perennial favorites:


Bibi a Breslever?

Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu's time in putting together a coalition is running out. Before Shabbat, he received a 2-week extension and now he only has 12 days left. The negotiations are like a short blanket - if he covers his head, his feet are outside; if he covers his feet, his head is outside. In like manner, when he pleases one prospective coalition partner, his displeases another. What should he do?

If Bibi were to ask me, I'd take him out to the beach south of Ashdod after sundown, and teach him how to talk to Hashem. If he'd throw the whole problem in Hashem's lap, he'd see how fast he gets a solution...

Bibi a Breslever? Am I pipe dreaming? For sure, not! Wait and see how many people will be making teshuva in the coming six months. Big things are about to happen, and no one will be able to sit on the fence anymore.

A bright Beams blessing and thanks to Rosy Afriat and the Doniger Family for sharing the following image with us...

Bibi Breslever