21 posts categorized "Humor"

Bibi a Breslever?

Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu's time in putting together a coalition is running out. Before Shabbat, he received a 2-week extension and now he only has 12 days left. The negotiations are like a short blanket - if he covers his head, his feet are outside; if he covers his feet, his head is outside. In like manner, when he pleases one prospective coalition partner, his displeases another. What should he do?

If Bibi were to ask me, I'd take him out to the beach south of Ashdod after sundown, and teach him how to talk to Hashem. If he'd throw the whole problem in Hashem's lap, he'd see how fast he gets a solution...

Bibi a Breslever? Am I pipe dreaming? For sure, not! Wait and see how many people will be making teshuva in the coming six months. Big things are about to happen, and no one will be able to sit on the fence anymore.

A bright Beams blessing and thanks to Rosy Afriat and the Doniger Family for sharing the following image with us...

Bibi Breslever


Ten-Plague Rap

Passover is only 11 days away. OK, since you're surfing on the web instead of preparing for the holiday, here's a little Passover review in a rap, courtesy of Matt Bar (see lyrics below film clip). Have fun, and a great Shabbat!

CHORUS: 
Moses at the red sea, like “who’s gonna follow me?”
Pharoah’s in the tide, we gonna ride, to our destiny, 
In back of me, so sad to see, them bodies in the red sea 
chariots get buried, b-b-buried in the red sea 
Pharaoh sat and laughed when a staff became a snake, 
too long we’ve been your slaves, just let us go and pray, 
said "don’t make this mistake," no pardon his heart was hardened, 
so started what we regard as: the days of 10 plagues...

ONE: blood in the river gonna shiver, gonna freak out 
lips take a sip now there's blood in your mouth

TWO: frogs in your house on your beds on your plate
don't matter what's for dinner better like frog legs

THREE: knats buzz buzz watch the dust turn to bugs
itch itch hard to think with all the lice in your mugs

FOUR: beasts roam your streets when you step outside
there's a tiger on your tail nowhere to hide

Five: death of your livestock,  flesh dries up
b-b-bodies in your barn Pharoah when you gonna wise up?

CHORUS

SIX: boils on your flesh no less than torture
careful of the ash in the air it'll scorch ya

SEVEN: hail rains down beats your brains down
like a message from the heavens better lay our chains down

EIGHT: locusts from the coast you can hear their wing click
eating crops eating trees til they're used as toothpicks

NINE: darkness, dispatch, 3 days pitch
remember when this started and you thought it was just witchcraft

Death of the first born how did it come to this
TEN is what it took so we all would remember this