How can you differentiate between a person who's doing something for Hashem and between someone who's doing something for himself?
It's pretty easy. Here's an example:
A yeshiva boy, a soldier or another guest walks into shul on Friday night. They're obviously visitors and they don't yet have an arrangement for the Friday night meal. "Reuven" greets the guest and invites him for dinner. The guests politely declines, saying that "Shimon" already invited him.
If Reuven is a real giver who's doing something for Hashem's sake, he'll be happy that the guest has a place to eat. If Reuven is doing for his own ego or prestige, he'll be disappointed that the guest will not be eating at his house.
The same goes for Outreach. A true Outreach organization doesn't care how people get close to Hashem, as long as they get close to Hashem! A self-interested organization only wants people to go through them - everyone else is no good. That can't possibly be true Outreach.
The "real giver" law applies to all aspects of life and interpersonal relations. Keep it in mind, for it wll give you a much clearer insight into people's motivation for doing things.
When you willfully put someone else's desires before your own, then you love that person. And, when you cherish a person so much that his or her desire is your desire, then not only do you love that person but your connection with him or her is unshakable.
If your own desires are dearer to you than your spouse's desires, for example, then you love yourself more than you love your spouse. The entire Hollywood notion of love is nothing other than selfishness and self-indulgence. People are out to take rather than give. A taker is never a lover, much less a true lover. How many people lie to others and say, "I love you", simply because they're trying to take something? Millions are - the vast majority of modern society.
We can apply all of the above to our relationship with The Creator. When we place His desires before our own, we really love Him. When we induldge in ourselves while ignoring what He really wants from us, there's no love and no relationship.
When we ponder the zillion blessings that Hashem does for us every day, it's really embarrassing to think how we're lax in doing what He wants us to do, whether it's refraining from gossip, dressing modestly or making Aliya. At least, let's be honest with ourselves. The way to build a relationship with someone is to begin talking to him/her. The same too applies with Hashem. The more you get to know Him, the more you'll love Him. And wait and see how He answers you. Just be open and honest; even if we're not yet doing His will 100%, Hashem loves when his children speak to Him openly and honestly. Nothing is so beneficial to the soul as a daily hour of personal prayer. Try it - you'll love it.