Lazer Beams

Fertility Enhancement

Dear Rabbi Brody,

Problem one: My husband and I are both healthy and fertile. I am very regular as well. Yet, we've been married for eight years and have not yet been blessed with children. The doctors say that there's no reason I shouldn't get pregnant, but it just doesn't seem to happen.

Problem two: Thank G-d, we are very compatible, yet we bicker a lot over non-consequential things. Our rabbi told us to have our mezuzos and ketuba (marriage contract - LB) checked, and we did - they're all fine. I'm at my wits end. What do we do? Appreciatively, Karen from LI

Dear Karen,

The bickering is expected, since you and your husband are quite up tight with month after month of anticipation, then month after month of disappointment. I know it's not easy, but you should both sharpen your self-awareness, and avoid the senseless clashes, especially during the time of the month when you can't be intimate. The tight nerves are also counterproductive to fertility.

You may find this odd, but have you and your husband ever asked Hashem for a baby? If you were here, I'd take your husband out to the desert, give him a canteen of water, and leave him on a hilltop for an hour to yell his heart out to Hashem. Since you're not here, go with your husband to a deserted stretch of beach on Long Island Sound, take separate directions, and cry your eyes out, praying in your own words - in English - and beg Hashem for what you want. Hanna, the prophet Samuel's mother, did the same thing. So did Isaac and Rebecca. Repeat this as much as possible.

Try to eat as naturally as possible. Your husband should eat figs, garlic, and warm eggs. You both should eat red or blue grapes as well.

If you're not pregnant within the next 60 days after taking the above advice, don't despair: Rebbe Nachman of Breslev writes that living in Israel is conducive to childbearing and to peace in the home. I would therefore suggest that you seriously consider moving to Israel. If that's out of the question, I would suggest two alternatives - one, give regular charity to a worthy cause in Israel, and that way you are in effect a shareholder in Israel, and second, fill your house with Torah-oriented books printed in Israel. Another good ploy that has helped loads of people is by spreading emuna CDs all over the place. Either way, with Hashem's loving grace, I pray that you'll be parents within the next 12 months. Peace and blessings, Lazer Brody

Land of Milk and Honey: Dates and the Secret of Fertility

Rebbe Nachman of Breslev says that The Land of Israel is conducive to fertility.

The Torah calls the holy Land of Israel the "Land of milk and honey;" Rashi elaborates that the "honey" refers to dates from the date palm.

Dates, especially those grown here in Israel, have magical qualities. If you know anyone with a fertility issue - man or woman - the following simple Land-of-Israel fertility enhancer is bound to help them:

Get a liter of fresh goat's milk. Take 8 big dates or 12 medium-size dates and soak them in the milk overnight. In the morning, use a blender to grind the dates in the same milk. Add a half teaspoon of cardamon powder (hel in Hebrew) and a tablespoon of bee honey (natural, with no additives) and 10 dried untoasted almonds. Blend it all together and drink at least 250 cc's of the mixture (about 9 ounces). The effects are remarkable.

The above "Date Shake" not only does wonders for fertility, but it enhances stamina as well.

Don't forget to send me an invitation to the Bris.

 

 

TV Toxins

Television Toxins poison body, mind, soul, and destroy families. Here's how:

Rebbe Nachman of Breslev teaches that a baby's mind capacity develops exclusively from stimulation of the divine soul.

If a person never uses his divine soul – if his entire life is devoted to TV shows, spectator sports, and movies – his mind capacity never develops. Rebbe Nachman of Breslev teaches that negative character traits attach themselves easily to an undeveloped mind. As such, a person can reach the age of eighty and remain a spiritual baby, self-indulgent, egocentric, and perpetually angry. Such a person has no control over his or her own life. He or she is an unfortunate slave to the television program guide.

Try to keep your mind in an active mode. Think of passive entertainment as spiritual cholesterol, which clogs the thought paths of the mind and endangers spiritual health. Read as much as you can. Try to learn new skills. Observe your environment and pay attention to details you normally take for granted. Stay away from TV - it's toxic for both body and soul.

Passive entertainment is public enemy number one to communication in the family. Many couples are so glued to the television that they never sit down to an intimate meal and a meaningful discussion. Some couples have been married for years, yet they don't know each other! Misunderstandings are commonplace between two strangers.

Many parents will refuse to answer their child's important question, if it interrupts the ball game or the seven o'clock news. One who prefers a soap opera or tag-team wrestling match to the emotional welfare of a spouse or a child is light years away from parental and/or marital obligations.

Therefore, in a home where the television takes priority to parental attention, it's natural that the kids love the TV screen more than they love their parents. And parents - don't complain: these are the skewed values that you established in the house. It's not too late to rethink them. The TV is Amalek; get rid of it before Purim and you'll see a big blessing at home.

If you wisely decide to throw the TV out of your third-story window, make sure no one is passing by on the sidewalk at that moment...

Without the Branch, There's no Fruit

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I became an observant Jewess about 3 years ago, when I was 17. Today, I have a wonderful schedule and I love my life and learning - I'm studying to be an optometrist in the morning, and in the late afternoon I attend classes at a Jewish Women's Seminar. But, I have a fly in my ointment - my parents.

My parents are lovely people, but their world is still at the level of 9 to 5 followed by dinner and popcorn in front of the television. Although they respect me, they embarrass me all the time. I've told my father a million times that he can't shake hands with my girlfriends, but everytime I bring one home he sticks his hand right out. I've tried to explain to my mother the severity of slander and idle gossip, but she says everything about everybody. Even worse, all this gives me a nasty guilt trip; after listening to lectures from the best Torah teachers one could wish for, I come home to two people who only seem to be interested in what's for dinner and what's on TV. It's hard for me to respect them, and that's a big test, since I'll be living at home at least for another two years or until Hashem sends me my intended (please make a blessing for me). Please give me some advice on how to accept my situation with emuna. Thank you for being there, Rabbi. With sincere appreciation, Karen from New Jersey

Dear Karen,

First of all, I'm glad that you're still at home; the advantages of your sanctity far outweigh the peripheral aggravation you have from little details at home. Please forgive me, but I must take exception with the "fly in the ointment" metaphor. Maybe your mama isn't a Lakewood rebbetzin and your dad isn't a Rosh Yeshiva with a Homburg on his head, but I'm sure that they're wonderful people to merit a daughter that's devoting her life to Hashem. Remember, they are simply the products of their environment, much like babies that grew up in captivity. They never cast away Yiddishkeit, for they never had it. There's a lot of headway to give them the benefit of the doubt.

You can influence them best by being a kind, considerate, understanding and loving daughter. Please don't preach and don't look down on them. Concentrate on your own soul-searching and self-improvement. The more you show compassion for your parents, the more Hashem will have compassion on you - that means you'll find you bashert (intended) with considerable less hassle.

You don't have to respect your parents' lifestyle, but Halacha requires you to give them absolute respect. Since this is the month of Shvat, let me explain in terms of a fruit tree: Fruit can't develop on its own; it must grow on a branch. You, as a baalas tshuva with a bright future, are the aromatic fruit. Your parents though, are the branch you grow on. One doesn't eat the branch, but without it, there's no fruit. Don't forget that, and you'll be fine - I'm glad you wrote. May Hashem send you your true soulmate in the nearest future, amen. Blessings always, LB

The Family Shabbat Table

Probably two of the most critical problems in the observant Jewish home today are off-the derech kids and marital discord.

A joyous family Shabbat table solves both problems.

You'll seldom see an off-the-derech child in a home where mitzvoth - especially Shabbat - are observed with joy. When the Shabbat table has something to offer for every member of the family, with fun, action, and the families favorite delicacies, then no one's running away from the table.

Among other things, sing plenty of zemirot and encourage the children to lead. Turn Torah talk about the week's Torah portion into family discussions. Create and initiate games and quizzes. And, tell exciting stories, especially about tzaddikim.

The Shabbat table should be something that the whole family looks forward to all week long.

By the way - I've never seen a divorce in a family where the mother bakes her own challas.

To help you come to the Shabbat table with something to say, here's Chut Shel Chessed's weekly Parsha Sheet, now in English. 

To help you learn a vibrant Yerushalmi version of Shalom Aleichem, here's a clip of my cherished friend Yosef Karduner and I. Have a wonderful and joy-filled Shabbat!

Joy, not Zealotry

Dear Rabbi Lazer,

Six months ago I wrote you about my husband's spiritual slide, that he shaved his beard and stopped putting on tefillin in the morning. We exchanged a few emails and you told me that I was being too zealous and too "frum", always nitpicking at small details rather than stressing joy and emuna. I must be honest that you really upset me, an my heart (really my Yetzer Hara, but I didn't know it at the time) told me that you're just some NaNach-BT-Breslever parading as a rabbi and spiritual guide. But, when my husband opened up divorce proceeding in the Beis Din, I got a wake-up call from above that I had better listen to you. Other rabbis here were telling me to get a divorce. They said that my husband would ruin our three boys spiritually, and that I'd be better on my own. You said the opposite. Despite the way I insulted you, you answered with patience that I should stop criticizing him and stop yelling, and that I should pray for him at least an hour a day. I did, while doing my best to control my temper and to be attractive at home. Better to be a meshiggina Breslever than an arrogant single parent. (I can't believe how arrogant I was in thinking all the negative about you - please mochel me).

The patience paid off. After Succos, my husband cancelled the divorce file. This has been the best Chanuka ever. Like it says in "Women's Wisdom," I give him nothing but positivity. It has paid off big time. He is doing all sorts of things to earn more love and respect, which he is thriving on. Not only is he back to davening with a minyan, but he now has a Gemara chavrusa between mincha and maariv every day. He is spending much more time with our boys too.

I don't know how many families Rabbi Arush and you have saved, but ours is one of them. I just want all your readers to know that Yiddishkeit with joy - and not zealotry - is the way to go. Forever gateful, Miriam from Queens (who by the way attended and loved your shiur last week in Kew Gardens)

Dear Miriam,

I don't remember that you insulted me but of course I forgive you anyway. Thanks so very much for your letter. Happy Chanuka and Chodesh Tov, with blessings for another simcha in the family this year, LB  

Chanukah Gifts from the Heart

With the economic squeeze, people are worried about what they're going to buy their loved ones for Chanukah this year.

First of all, there's no mitzva on Chanukah to exchange gifts.

Second, the best gifts aren't material.

The greatest gift you can bestow on another human being is empathy and a non-judgmental, listening ear. People forget material gifts, but they don't forget the time, patience, and understanding you accorded them. The best gifts originate in the heart, not in the wallet.