A wife's wrath gnaws at a husband's confidence and self-image, two of his major emotional tools for coping with the commercial and professional world. Even worse, anger destroys income as we learn in today's emuna shiur. After you hear about the two wolves, you'll enjoy reading about Racheli's encounter with the "Chutzpa Cat" in the post directly below. Enjoy both and have a wonderful new week!
55 posts categorized "Marriage and family"
Succoth is a wonderful time to score points for marital bliss. Tell your wife to take a break from the never-ending Chol Hamoed kitchen chores and surprise her with your culinary arts. Every man should be competent in the kitchen; a wife doesn't enjoy feeling like a slave and she always appreciates the help. Even more, spoil her by making something that she doesn't usually prepare, like sushi - she'll be delighted! That's exactly what I did yesterday, as you can see here:
Rav, Yo era aquella mujer esteril. Le escribo llena de emoción. Hace unos meses le escribí pidiendo consejo para mi esposo y para mi. Usted me contesto que agradeciera media hora por día y que escuchara la clase "Agradecer por lo que mas cuesta". Rav obedecí y ayer me entere que estoy embarazada.Ademas de esto yo habia hecho un Pidion Nefesh por 9 meses. Rav quiero que sepa y que anuncie, que el único camino para ver milagros es el agradecimiento. Gracias por ser usted la fuente, Rajel
Rabbi, I was that barren woman. I write with emotion. A few months ago I wrote asking for advice for my husband and me. You answered me to thank half hour per day and listen to the class "Give thanks for the most difficult things". Rav: I obeyed and yesterday I found out that I am pregnant. Besides this I had made a Pidion Nefesh for 9 months. Rav I want you to know and to announce to everybody, that the only way to see miracles is to give thanks. Thank you for being the source, Rachel
Rachel is right - with gratitude, you see miracles. She was not only grateful to Hashem for her difficulties, but for nine months straight she gave a substantial donation to help us spread emuna in the world. Rav Shalom Arush shlit'a says that there's no charity in the world that invokes such Divine compassion as spreading emuna.
Would you like to see miracles - a wondrous solution for the problem in your life that seems unsolvable? Thank Hashem for a half-hour a day like Rachel in Puerto Rico did. And, send a Pidion Nefesh - a most powerful donation that virtually redeems a soul - to Rav Shalom Arush shlit'a by Donating to Emuna Outreach (we highly recommend $180, but give what you can afford - there's also an option of giving a recurring donation for as many months as you wish). When you bring Hashem's children close to him, Hashem will bring your children and whatever salvations you need close to you. That's the power of Emuna Outreach.
My wife is way overweight. Whenever she gets pressured by anything, she grabs chocolate rugalach (croissants - LB) to console herself. I've tried everything to get her to diet, but if she loses two pounds in one week, she'll gain back four the next. What do I do? I'm trying my best not to look at other women, but with my wife more and more turning me off, it's getting harder. By the way, I really appreciate all your health and exercise advice - it's really helping me. With appreciation and hoping to hear from you, Meir
- The first thing that you must know is that a husband's prayers for a wife are very powerful. In your daily personal prayers (which I hope you're doing), invest 5 minutes of prayer for her in your own words. Ask Hashem to uplift her self-esteem and ask Hashem to help you give her the love and attention that she needs, so that she won't have to find solace in sweets, which are none other than chocolate-covered poison for the body.
- Buy her a gift of a new pair of walking shoes and take walks together; start for short durations and work it up to an hour, at least three times a week. If you have small children, it's worth it to pay a babysitter during this hour. You can't imagine what it will do for your health and relationship.
- Diet never helps. You must influence her to change her thinking and lifestyle, but this should be done as a couple. Cakes, cookies, ice-cream and other sweets as well as soft-drinks and other sugary manufactured foods should be considered as if they're not kosher, just like keeping pork in your home, for these substances destroy health. Together, go on an eating regiment (lifestyle, not diet!) that is based on foodstuffs that are unadulterated by manufacturers. Get all white sugar, corn syrup solids and modified starches out of your life - that includes cereals, cakes, cookies and most manufactured foods. Compensate with the best fruits, veggies, fish, meat and poultry, and cheeses. Once you lower carbs, you can enjoy nuts and seeds without worrying about gaining weight.
- Meir, intrinsically, a wife wants her husband to love her more than anything. Make the first move and give her that love, and I promise that she'll bend over backwards to please you. Meanwhile, offer her an incentive of a nice chuck of money to buy new clothes every time she drops a size or two. This is much better than paying doctor bills and it's also a mitzvah from the Torah to clothe your wife (ksut).
Start with the above four steps and keep me posted. I pray for your success and her good health. Blessings always, LB
The Torah calls the holy Land of Israel the "Land of milk and honey;" Rashi elaborates that the "honey" refers to dates from the date palm.
Dates, especially those grown here in Israel, have magical qualities. If you know anyone with a fertility issue - man or woman - the following simple Land-of-Israel fertility enhancer is bound to help them:
Get a liter of fresh goat's milk. Take 8 big dates or 12 medium-size dates and soak them in the milk overnight. In the morning, use a blender to grind the dates in the same milk. Add a half teaspoon of cardamon powder (hel in Hebrew) and a tablespoon of bee honey (natural unpasteurized with no additives) and 40 dried untoasted almonds. Blend it all together and drink at least 250 cc's of the mixture (about 9 ounces). The effects are remarkable.
The above "Date Shake" not only does wonders for fertility, but it enhances stamina as well. I use it about an hour before a strenuous workout.
Don't forget to send me an invitation to the Bris. You can almost set the date...
Dear Rabbi Lazer,
Six months ago I wrote you about my husband's spiritual slide, that he shaved his beard and stopped putting on tefillin in the morning. We exchanged a few emails and you told me that I was being too zealous and too "frum", always nitpicking at small details rather than stressing joy and emuna. I must be honest that you really upset me, and my heart (really my Yetzer Hara, but I didn't know it at the time) told me that you're just some NaNach-BT-Breslever parading as a rabbi and spiritual guide. But, when my husband opened up divorce proceeding in the Beis Din, I got a wake-up call from above that I had better listen to you. Other rabbis here were telling me to get a divorce. They said that my husband would ruin our three boys spiritually, and that I'd be better off on my own. You said the opposite. Despite the way I insulted you, you answered with patience that I should stop criticizing him and stop yelling, and that I should pray for him at least an hour a day. I did, while doing my best to control my temper and to be attractive at home. Better to be a meshiggina Breslever than an arrogant single parent. (I can't believe how arrogant I was in thinking all the negative about you - please forgive me).
The patience paid off. After the Shalom-Bayit Shabbaton that you and Dr. Zev Ballen did here in LA this past October, my husband cancelled the divorce file. This has been the best Chanuka ever. And like you said in your lecture to women, I now give him nothing but positivity. It has paid off big time. He is doing all sorts of things to earn more love and respect, which he is thriving on. Not only is he back to davening with a minyan, but he now has a Gemara chavrusa between mincha and maariv every day. He is spending much more time with our boys too.
I don't know how many families Rabbi Arush and you have saved, but ours is one of them. I just want all your readers to know that Yiddishkeit with joy - and not zealotry - is the way to go. By the way, we hope that the Shalom Bayit Shabbaton will turn into an annual event here. Forever gateful, Miriam
I don't remember that you insulted me but of course I forgive you anyway. Thanks so very much for your letter. Happy Chanuka and blessings for another simcha in the family this year, LB
This post is in honor of Sara Techiya Litman, whose father and brother were killed in a terrorist attack last week, and her fiancé Ariel Beigel, who are getting married tonight at Binyanei Hauma in Jerusalem. The Beams, Emuna Outreach and Breslev Israel wish them every blessing in the world!
With all the turmoil around us, let's not forget that there's much to rejoice in, such as our young people getting married. In Jewish tradition, as the bridegroom enters the wedding canopy or chuppa, we sing a moving melody entitled, Mi Adir, or "He who is mighty". Here is my special friend Shloimie Daskal singing Mi Adir with the inspiring "You Raise Me Up" melody by Josh Groban. Enjoy, and sing along. For your convenience, you'll find the lyrics in transliteration and translation below the vid:
Mi adir al hakol,
mi baruch al hakol,
mi gadol al hakol,
mi dagul al hakol,
hu yivarech es hechasan
hu yivarech es hakallah
hu yivarech es hechasan v'es hakallah
He who is mighty above all beings,
He who is blessed above all beings,
He who is great above all beings,
He who is distinguished above all beings,
May he bless the bridegroom
May he bless the bride
May he bless the bridegroom and the bride.