Lazer Beams

Fine Crystal

A marriage, just like fine crystal, is built slowly with lots of effort, but it can be shattered into smithereens with one careless word. If you're married, this 2-minute clip might be the most important thing you'll ever see; do your friends a favor and email them the link so they can see it too:

Dr. Zev Ballen's Ultimate Marriage Program

With Hashem's loving grace, it's my pleasure and privilege to give my wholehearted endorsement to Dr. Zev Ballen and his revolutionary "Ultimate Marriage" coaching program. Any person who participates in this program, which is solidly based on traditional Jewish teachings, will certainly see enhanced marital bliss and blessings, both material and spiritual. A happy marriage is tantamount to a personal redemption, and the more people attain their personal redemption, the sooner we'll see our national redemption and the coming of Moshiach, speedily in our days, amen!

Confessions of the Mikva Attendant

The following letter is especially relevant to many people, so we decided to share it with you:

Dear Rabbi Brody,

A young woman was sitting in the waiting room of the mikva where I am balanit (attendant - LB) last week, and she had a MP3 player. When her turn came, I called her in, and we struck up a conversation (this was a new face to the mikva, and I do my best to make everyone feel comfortable). I asked her what she was listening to, and she said that she was listening to a lesson from an English-speaking rabbi in Israel about shalom bayit (peace in the home, or marital bliss - LB). I asked her then if there's anything new, or just the same old cliches that so many other people are tossing around. She then pulled the original CD out of her purse, and told me to take it, since she already had it copied onto her MP3. "See for yourself," she said. "Ever since my husband started listening to these CDs, he's been treating me like a princess, lavishing me with love, respect, and consideration..."

Rabbi, I took your CD home and listened to it. What you say in Respecting Your Wife is revolutionary. You could be saving thousands of broken marriages. Let me explain...

I'm the Wailing Wall for most of the women that come to the mikva. Many of them pour their hearts out to me, because they know that halacha (religious law) requires a balanit (mikva attendant - LB) to be ultra-discreet. Thank G-d, I also have a reputation for being very tight-lipped, so I enjoy the trust of the women in our community (and the trust of those that come here from outside the community, and there are many of them - because our mikva looks like a tropical garden with soft music, etc., so women love to come here). Without further digression, you should know that at least 50% of the women that speak to me are not satisfied with their marriages. They have melancholy eyes, and are not looking forward to going home from the mikva. It's a tragedy. I would venture to speculate that the percentage of unhappy wives among those that don't go to mikva is so much higher.

At any rate, I feel an obligation to pass the word about your teachings. I love the way that you keep them real and down to earth, practical and not pie in the sky theory. To be honest, there are no chassidim (except for the local Chabad house) in our area, and chassidic thought isn't exactly what you'd call popular around here. Breslev especially has a bad reputation for weirdos; yet, if the Breslev wives have husbands that live according to your audio teachings, then they can be laughing at the rest of us. I must confess that we have been shortchanging Rebbe Nachman for a long time. I also confess that I have frequently criticized the Breslevers for leaving their wives on Rosh Hashanna. Many of us have husbands who are physically at home, but their minds are millions of miles away. I guess that Uman for a few days a year is a better deal, especially if your husband is with you in heart and body for the rest of the year.

At any rate, when I heard your CD, I almost fainted. The label told me that you're a Breslever, associated with the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva and with the Breslev Israel website. I was so embarrassed. Even though I'm considered "tight-lipped" as I said, on numerous occasions in the past, I have been guilty of saying less than complimentary remarks about Rebbe Nachman and his followers. This has been total ignorance on my part.

I called a leading Breslever USA Rabbi on the phone, and asked him how I can repent for turning people off to Rebbe Nachman in the past. He said, "Simple - just turn them on to Rebbe Nachman's teachings in the future!" He was so nice and unjudgmental. When I read the articles on your website, I get the same impression from you too. Maybe that's why the Breslevers' wives are happy - their husbands are nice guys and unjudgmental.

Rabbi Brody, I can imagine how busy you are and I know I've run off at the keyboard. Yet, I feel that there's a message here for everybody - don't prejudge.

Please tell me if you can cut me a deal on my first 100 Arush-Brody CDs. I would be honored to distribute them in our area, because as far as I know, you don't yet have a distributor here. With sincere thanks, DB from the Midwest USA

* * *

100 CDs are already in the air and on their way to DB. I arranged for her to get them at a wholesale price. Not only will she be joining our Outreach team, but she'll be making a few extra dollars on the side too. If she helps just one couple have a happier marriage, then her rewards are unfathomable, in this world and in the next. And, if she helps save just one marriage, then it's as if she has saved an entire world.

No mitzva in the Torah brings dividends like the mitzva of Outreach. When you put a CD in someone's hands, you're task is just as important as my saying the lesson. You become a first-string player on our team, and bask in the glory of every victory, namely, bringing another soul closer to Hashem.

Quite a few people have invested maaser (tithe) money in Emuna Outreach books and CDs, and have seen tremendous blessings by distributing them in their neck of the woods. You can too!

The Perfect Couple

My beloved wife Yehudit deserves the credit for everything Hashem enables me to do. She inspired the following two-minute clip - it gives us all a goal to shoot for. Have a wonderful weekend. Don't ever be discouraged because Hashem loves you just the way you are.

It Really Works

Dear Rabbi Brody,

In case you don't remember me with all your mail volume etc., I'm Peter from Kansas City who wrote you about my financial difficulties three months ago. You told me never to criticize my wife and to be sure I give a tithe to charity. To be honest, I thought your advice was off the wall. Then again, a little voice in my head said, "Hey, Peter - you're the one that asked his advice. He called it the way he saw it. Maybe you should listen?" Well I did, and not only has my marriage never been better but 2 weeks ago I landed a job with better hours, nicer people, great bennies on the side, and catch this - $12,000 more a year than I've been making. And guess what - I owe different people the sum of $12,000! Can you believe it?! Your advice and your CDs (I listened to "First Place" and "Respecting Your Wife") really work! The good Lord is great and thank you Rabbi for bringing us all closer to him whether we're Jews or not. May you have continued strength in your holy work, an appreciative Peter from KC

Marrying a Niece or Cousin

Dear Rabbi Brody, am I allowed according to Halacha to marry my niece or my cousin? Would there be any medical or genetic dangers? Thank you, NK from the Great Neck area

Dear NK,

Your superb question is mentioned in the Gemara, tractate Yevamot, 62b, on the bottom of the page. Indeed, our sages both encourage and bless anyone that marries a niece. Rashi states that the Gemara is referring specifically to the daughter of a sister; since a man naturally loves his sister, says Rashi, he will have a special affection for a wife who is the daughter of his sister. The Tosephot argue as follows: Rabbenu Tam agrees with Rashi, and says that the mitzva is to marry the daughter of a sister specifically (more than a brother), because the daughter of a sister will bring her husband good fortune and sons who resemble the father. The Rashbam disagrees with Rashi and with Rabbenu Tam, and says that marrying the daughter of a brother is just as good a mitzva as marrying the daughter of a sister. The Rambam, in agreement with the rationale of the Rashbam stipulates (Hilchot Issure Beia, 2:14), that it's a "mitzvat khakhamim", a rabbinical ordnance, to marry a niece, whether she's the daughter of a sister or a brother. As far as practical Halacha goes, The Rama rules that Ikar HaDin (Principle Halacha) is, "It's a mitzva to marry the daughter of a sister", then adds, "There are those who say that it is also a mitzva to marry the daughter of a brother. (See Shulkhan Oruch, Even Ezer 2:6)." In other words, the Rama tends to agree with Rashi and Rabbenu Tam, but doesn't ignore the Rashbam.

As far as the second half of your question, the Melitzer Rebbe shlit'a in the name of his grandfather, the holy Shatzer Rov of blessed and saintly memory, that ever since Abraham married his niece Sarah, there has been a blessing among Jews for marrying nieces. Also, the Shatzer Rov wrote that the doctor's warnings about hemophilia and other genetic or medical flaws as in the case of the European monarchies does not apply to a family that observes halacha, most specifically, family purity and refraining from forbidden relations. In short, if you have a worthy niece, whether the daughter of a brother or a sister, you are allowed to marry her; not only that, but you will merit the blessings of our sages from the Gemara. In any event, I strongly urge to test for Tay-Sach's disease before you even begin approaching the prospective match.

As far as cousins go, the Shatzer Rov (see "Or Ganuz, parshat Mattot/Massaei) says that whenever the Torah says "good", according to esoteric tradition and the Arizal, there is an eternal blessing. Hashem told Moshe Rabbenu to tell the daughters of Tslophkhod to marry their cousins (see Bamidbar 36: 5-13), and the Torah says "tov" about it (ibid, verse 6). From here, the Shatzer Rov zatza"l says it's very good to marry a cousin. If it worked for Bnot Tslophkhod, it'll work for you. It's worth noting that quite a few of the Melitzer Rebbe's 12 children are happily married to cousins. It saves a lot of headaches in shidduchim, because you already know the family, the prospective soul mate, and there're much fewer surprises. Let me know the good news. With Blessings always, LB

Mother-in-law's too high expectations

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I have written to you before and you have been so helpful in the past. Perhaps you can advise me now. I underwent surgery about 2 weeks ago and I am now recovering at home and doing well, baruch Hashem. My son and daughter in law called me at the hospital every day. But now that I am home I only hear from them every 5 or 6 days. My son works 5 days a week and they have 4 wonderful young children. I am trying very hard not to feel as if they are not interested in my daily progress, but, to tell you the truth, that is how I do feel. I have tried to give the benefit of the doubt... but it is not working. Please help me. With thanks, Frida from Flatbush

B"H Dear Frida,

The more you have expectations, the more you are disappointed (see The Trail to Tranquility, pp. 55-56). You have lots of free time while you're recovering, but your son and daughter in law are up-to-the-eyeballs busy raising children and making a living. One cannot attain happiness from self-indulgence or dependency on others. When you were hospitalized, your son and daughter in-law were on high alert so they called every day out of concern; but, one can't be on high alert perpetually. On a routine basis, it's terrific for a daughter in law to call every 5 days! Thank Hashem for your marvelous good fortune rather than complain. You are blessed, so be happy! It's important to judge others fairly. Would you believe that many women complain to me that their daughters in-law call them less than once a month? You are indeed a lucky woman. Don't ever forget that Hashem does everything for the best. Blessings and a speedy recovery, LB

Dear Rabbi Brody,

WOW! your letter was great. I guess I needed some strong and on target words from  you, Rabbi. What a mitzvah you had. I cannot thank you enough. I printed out this letter and put it on my refrigerator door. Perhaps you might consider a book related to questions people have asked you over the years and your wonderful responses. Thanks so much, Frida