Lazer Beams

Don't Wait Another 10 Years

Debbie finally arrived in Israel yesterday, after ten years of longing. She has been corresponding with me for a little over a year, and the first thing she did was to show up at my Wednesday afternoon weekly Emuna talk in English at the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva in Jerusalem. G-d willing, she'll be working in the mornings as an English teacher and spending her afternoons at a women's seminar for Baalot Teshuvas that our Outreach Program helped arrange for her in B'nai Brak.

Debbie wrote a message that we wants me to convey to all of you; it's really profound:

Rabbi Lazer, please tell your readers how I wanted to make Aliya ten years ago when I was 21. I also wanted to learn more about Judaism. I let my mother talk me out of both. During the last ten years, I wish I could say I've been treading water, but it's worse. I floated from job to job, had a miserable relationship with a person outside of our religion who I lived with for four years, and have sacrificed my own aspirations to keep mom happy. I was miserable and lost my self-esteem. You gave me the courage to pack up and do what I really want. Pass the message on to others - don't waste a decade of your own lives to keep others happy. Come to Israel today, and claim your Jewish birthright. Live your own lives. 31 is better late than never...

No, Debbie, don't cry over spilt milk. With Hashem's help, your Emuna will strengthen and you'll meet a good guy very soon. Your message is an important one.

The ingathering of the exiles is just one more sign of the wonderful times that await us in the rebuilt Jerusalem of Eretz Yisroel, amen.

The first blemish

Life is a classroom.

I saw a cute 5-year old with curly red payis (sidelocks) in synagogue on Shabbat that was wearing a brand new pair of shoes. When his peckal'e (his little bag of goodies) was depleted, he ran outside to play with the other little tikes. A few minutes later, he ran back in shul, wailing to his daddy; the little guy's spanking new patent leather Shabbat shoes had just received their first nasty scoff. A pat on the head and a piece of toffee calmed him down, and within a minute, he returned to the action outside. By the end of services, the little fellow's new shoes were not only scoffed, but covered with dust and many more blemishes that didn't seem to bother him any more.

There's a profound lesson here: Rav Huna teaches (Talmud, tractate Yoma, 86b) that once a person commits a misdeed for the second time, then it becomes permissible in his or her own mind.

The soul is like a lily-white garment. A misdeed, such as a lie, a dishonest dealing, or an act of adultery blemishes the soul seriously. Human nature is to become extremely ashamed of the first blemish, but once the garment (or soul) is soiled and blemished, then anything goes.

Repeated offenders, such as gossips and those who short-change their employees, have 101 reasons to justify their actions. Repeated misdeeds have a way of desensitizing us, for the cleaner a soul is, the higher its sensitivity.

The soul suffers unfathomable humiliation from each blemish.

A good detergent will clean a garment; Teshuva will clean a soul.

Hoshana Raba is this coming Thursday night and Friday. It's when the judgments and verdicts of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are not only finally signed and sealed, but delivered too. In the next 48 hours, one can certainly do Teshuva that's sufficient to sweeten the most severe judgments. The gates of Heaven are wide open right now - Chol Hamoed Sukkot is a wonderful time for the type of joyous teshuva with love that will completely cleanse our souls. Let's not squander these valuable hours.

Teshuva Year

The Talmud distinguishes between two types of Teshuva, or penitence. The first is teshuva me'yira, or penitence that results from the fear of punishment. This type of teshuva has the power to turn all of one's intended transgressions into the lighter form of accidental transgressions. Yet, such teshuva lacks the power to completely cleanse the soul.

The second type of teshuva is Teshuva me'ahava, or penitence that results from the love of G-d. A person awakens to such penitence as soon as he or she realizes the infinite goodness of G-d, and contemplates the thousands of favors He does for each of us every single hour. When you love someone, the last thing in the world you want to do is to cause them sorrow or disappointment. When we realize how terribly our misdeeds sadden Hashem, we "return", or repent out of sheer love. Such penitence has the power to turn willfull, premeditated transgressions into mitzvas, thereby completely cleansing the soul.

Yom Kippur is over, but teshuva remains a top priority. Nothing is so conducive to a joyous mindset as an unblemished soul.

Real Teshuva

Here's the video replay of our weekly Emuna talk at the Chut Shel Chesed Yeshiva in Jerusalem. This week's 50-minute lesson is an important preparation for Yom Kippur, for it explains what Real Teshuva is.

Here's something special for my beloved Mama, Chasia Brody Ludwick in Silver Spring, Maryland, may Hashem bless her and keep her. This is the melody of "Avinu Malkenu," a prayer we say twice daily during the ten days of repentance between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Ohad Moscowitz sings it beautifully, just like my father and zaidie of blessed memory used to. This is one of my sweetest childhood memories, which I'm happy to share with you:

A bright Beam Blessing for your signed and sealed inscription in the Book of Emuna and Long Life for many years of happiness, fulfillment, and all your heart's wishes for the best. Don't ever forget how much Hashem loves you, for He has no other son or daughter that can take your place. Shabbat Shalom and Gmar Chatima Tova!

No Double Jeopardy

On Rosh Hashana, all of creation passes before Hashem, the supreme and sole Monarch of the Universe, who personally sits in judgment in the awesome trial that determines our fate for the coming year.

The Talmud also teaches that a Heavenly court judges the world in general and each person in particular, every single day. All court decisions must receive the final approval of The Almighty, who is much more merciful and compassionate than the court is. Frequently, G-d delays the implementation of an unfavorable decision against a person, to give that person an opportunity for self-evaluation.

When a person mends his or her ways, G-d cancels the verdict altogether. Double jeopardy is illegal in the Heavenly court. Therefore, when a person admits guilt after self-evaluation, he or she has in effect conducted his or her own mental courtroom. The heavenly court is no longer allowed to try the case. If the court has already tried the person, but has not yet activated the sentence, then the sentence is nullified.

If a person makes no change in the behavior that led to a guilty verdict, then the spiritual sentencing manifests itself in some type of affliction in this world. The resulting suffering from a person's own deeds is therefore self-induced.

Don't wait until until the fateful trial of Rosh Hashana - judge yourself before the Heavenly court judges you! The minute a person begins to evaluate him/herself, G-d sends an urgent message that forbids the Heavenly court from passing judgment on the self-evaluator. Again, The Almighty prohibits double jeopardy. When a person judges him/herself truthfully, the Heavenly court is not allowed to touch the case.

Once a person decides to improve in some way, two things happen: One, The Almighty grants the person's decision the validity of a Heavenly court decision. Two, all punishment is cancelled. As soon as a person decides to improve - even if the decision hasn't been fully implemented - G-d no longer needs to use punitive stimuli to stimulate that person's improvement. Also, The Almighty takes keen interest in a person's self-evaluation, and always listens when a person judges him/herself.

During the month of Elul, Hashem is very lenient and forgiving. The Lubavitcher Rebbe of blessed and saintly memory used to say that in Elul, Hashem resembles a king who visits his subjects in their villages; out in the field, anyone can approach the King. But, in Tishrei - from Rosh Hashana until the end of the judgment days on Shmini Atzeres, Hashem resembles a King on His throne; it's not so simple to visit the King in His palace when He sits on His throne. Also, on Rosh Hashana, Hashem judges all of creation, and the trial is much more serious.

Don't wait for the fateful trial on Rosh Hashana. Now's the time to judge yourself, taking stock of the things you want to avoid doing in the future and identifying those areas in your observance of Hashem's commandments where you'd like to improve. You'll be doing yourself the favor of your life.

In an earthly court with human judges, when an accused person pleads guilty, he or she gets the book thrown at them. In the Heavenly court, the opposite is true - when one confesses and pleads guilty, yet sincerely asks for forgiveness, one is not only pardoned, but granted a joyous and sweet New Year!

Unsupportive parents

Dear Rabbi,

My name is Sherrie. I live in California, and I became a baalas tshuva last summer, after attending a religious music festival (religious Jewish musicians are the greatest; I'm writing you because one of them told me that you rock!).

My parents are, in short, not particularly supportive of my decision. They think my keeping Shabbos is a waste of a day that could be spent on homework (I'm going into my junior year in high school, just turned seventeen), and that keeping kosher is a hindrance. Now, I have a lot of family issues - we don't have particularly great family dynamics in general. Anyway. So I wanted to ask your advice. Oh wait - I also go to public school and wear a kippah full-time. I got the impression from my musician friend - who's one of your fans - that you're not egalitarian, so I don't know if you like that, but it's what I've chosen to do. 

I've got to go. My mom is yelling at me. Thanks for listening!!

~Sherrie~

Dear Sherrie,

The way to get your folks on your side is to avoid any disrespect, and simply be a model daughter, just sweet, considerate, and loving; that'll be a showstopper! Disrespect to parents is worse than eating treif. Let them see how observant Judaism is simply making you a better person, but under no circumstances should you compromise on Shabbat, Kashrut, modesty, or what you know and believe is right (when in doubt, ask a rav that you trust). Be careful never to lose your temper, and even when your folks get all over your cage, simply grin and bear it - it'll cleanse your soul.

As for the egalitarian business, I'm not going to tell you what to do; if you're really searching for the truth, Hashem will help you get there. Most importantly, talk to Hashem for an hour a day in your own language. Make sure you read The Garden of Emuna too. Judaism without emuna is like a car without an engine - you won't get so far. May Hashem bless you always with all your heart's wishes for the very best, LB

The Price of a Miracle

We often take for granted the fact that we, the Jewish people, live on miracles. The Jewish people in Israel especially exist on a higher-than-nature plateau that defies any natural course of events. Only an idiot would attribute Israel's existence to military might and so forth. On a military level, as we evr-so-painfully see despite the recent Gaza war, Israel still has no technological/military answer to missile warfare, with missiles still falling in the south of Israel, from Ashkelon to Sderot and all points in between. The Hamas missiles are a tiny threat compared to the quantity and quality of the Hizbolla, Syrian, and Iranian missiles aimed at every square centimeter of our beloved Holy Land this very moment.

People have the mistaken impression that we can sit back and do nothing while Hashem gives us miracles. That's wrong. The miracle of Purim was only after Esther said to Mordechai (Esther 4:16), "Go gather all the Jews... fast for me, don't eat or drink for 3 days and 3 nights; I and my handmaidens shall fast likewise." In other words, the entire Jewish people made complete teshuva and returned to Hashem.

The existential threat of this generation is just as bad as it was in the time of Haman. Achmedinejad and Assad's designs together with their proxies Hamas and Hisbolla, as well as global Islamofascist objectives, are no different than Haman's platform. Although we don't know what our own politicians stand for, since they promise one thing before elections and quickly change their minds after the elections for political expediency, our neighbors are not politically expedient. They have a clear political and military agenda that's based on the destruction of the Jewish people, just like Haman. The words "Israel" and Zionism" are only excuses for the desire to kill Jews.

Every Adar, Hashem renews the of the miracle of our survival. That's what the joy of Purim is all about. Yet, miracles have a price tag - they behoove us. When there's no teshuva to pay for the miracle, Hashem must take a public sacrifice from the greatest and purest tzaddikim of our generation. That explains the brutal murder of Erez Levanon during his personal prayer to Hashem exactly two years ago in Adar, and the barbaric massacre of the 8 Mercaz HaRav boys during their Torah study last year on Rosh Chodesh Adar.

Who needs more martyrs? Let's gather all the Jews and commit to genuine teshuva. If that's too hard, let's help spread emuna in the world. We can start by teaching the bedtime "Shma Yisrael" prayer to every Jewish child we know. Here is the The Shma Prayer in PDF with the original Hebrew, transliteration, and translation; send it to everyone you know. Our sages tell us that the mitzva of saying Shma Yisrael" alone is enough to save us from any and all calamity. Happy Purim week.

Nasty Flashbacks of the Past

Dear Rabbi Lazer,

I'm sure if I wrote my biography, it would be a million-copy bestseller. In college, I went out with three different guys a week. Let's put it this way - there's not much I didn't do. With perfect poetic justice, I was diagnosed with breast cancer the week after I graduated. To make a long story short, I had a mastectomy. My doctor then urged me to have a contralateral prophylactic mastectomy. So here I was with the banner headlines of my once gorgeous body gone forever.

Really, that's when my happiness started. I turned to Hashem and became a complete baalas teshuva doing my best to repent for all my sins. I attended a seminar for newly observant young women like myself and loved every second of it. My teachers and the other girls were phenominal. Two years later, I was introduced to a wonderful guy from a Baal Teshuva Yeshiva who scrapped a successful electrical engineering career in order to learn Torah. I told him straight away that I wasn't packing The Manufacturer's standard equipment. He didn't care. I told him that I might have difficulty getting pregnant, but he also didn't care. "We'll both pray harder," he said with a smile.

Anyway, I've been married for four years now and we already have two children. My shalom bayis is the greatest, and my husband is not only the kindest, most gentle and loving person a woman could dream for, but he's fast becoming an giant in Torah learning. You wouldn't believe his humility despite his talents.

So what's my problem, Rabbi Lazer? Ever since I did teshuva, I've been doing everything possible to cleanse myself of the old sins, including saying Tikkun Klali every day, being super meticulous in the modesty of my appearance and head covering, exacting about every detail of kedusha (holiness - LB) above and beyond the basic laws of family purity, even guarding my eyes from looking at other men. Yet recently, I've been getting nasty flashbacks of the past during my most intimate time with my husband. You can't imagine my anguish and sorrow. I've been begging to Hashem every day to wipe the images of other men and my old sinning self off of my heart. I do an hour of hitbodedut every day. Yet nothing has helped. Am I so far from Hashem and teshuva that these flashbacks have returned to torment me? Why all of a sudden after a full two or three years that I didn't think about them? Rabbi Lazer, I'm sorry for this long letter and I know you're super busy, but I feel you're the only one that can understand me. I just can't spill my past out to any rabbi. Please help me. With deepest appreciation, Chani from Israel

Dear Chani,

I am really touched by your letter. Don't fret, everything is for the very best as you'll soon see. Not only does Hashem love you, but I guarantee you that you are one of His favorite daughters.

First, you ask about the nasty flashbacks, "Why all of a sudden after a full two or three years that I didn't think about them?" Rebbe Nachman of Breslev explains this clearly in Likutei Moharan (Part 1, Torah 25), namely, that when a person ascends to a higher spiritual level, he is bombarded with lusts and/or fantasies that he thought he had already overcome.

True, at your previous spiritual level, you had overcome the old garbage and had properly done teshuva. But, at your new spiritual level, you have to do more hard work to further cleanse the tiny blemishes that are still on your soul. In simple terms, you're now playing in a higher, more demanding league. You think you have digressed, but the opposite is true. You have made and are making fabulous spiritual progress.

Second, you anguish in seeing these nasty flashbacks is in itself a lofty form of teshuva. When they actually happened, you wantonly enjoyed every minute of what was going on. Now, when you see the same images, you are deeply disgusted and embarrassed. Rest assured that your anguish and embarrassment are better than a beautiful sin offering in the altar of our Holy Temple, may it be rebuilt soon, amen.

Chani, serve Hashem happily. Prayers with a song and smile are on a much higher level than prayers with tears. Just keep doing what you're doing, strengthen your emuna always, and you can forget about the nasty flashbacks. With your kind permission, I'll publish this letter (not revealing anything that might give away your true identity), and you'll have the merit of anyone that derives chizuk (strength) from it. With blessings always, LB

Ashdod Under Missile Threat

This past Sunday's Emuna News here at the Beams reported that our Ashkelon neighbors, only 8 miles down the road south of Ashdod, spent late Shabbat afternoon in bomb shelters. One GRAD (updated Katyusha) missile actually fell in the industrial park on the southern side of Ashkelon, and thank G-d no one was hurt.

In recent months, our lovely hometown of Ashdod has been hooked up to the southern Israel missile-alarm system, which is supposed to give us between 30-40 seconds to take cover. Also, civil defense has upped the missile drills of school children.

Yesterday, Ashdod residents received a Home-Front Command Leaflet that officially informs us that we are under missile threat from Hamastan in Gaza.

My evil inclination is clamoring for me to write a scathing op-ed about the bungling anti-emuna regime and its corrupt, self-serving leaders who are systematically fighting against anything genuinely Jewish in what's supposed to be the Jewish State rather than fighting the real enemy.

My good inclination kicked in during hitbodedut (personal prayer) before I wrote this post.

Despite the massive teshuva movement in Israel, the country as a whole is far from returning to Hashem. The new missile threat is one more gentle wake-up call from Hashem.

Meanwhile, here in Israel, we are having one of the worst droughts in history. Our water reserves are badly depleted and the situation of Lake Kinneret is critical.

What does the drought have in common with the missile threat? The only way to stop both is teshuva.

My beloved brothers and sisters in Yesha and Hevron can continue to complain about the leftist oligarchy, unfairness in the courts, and the anti-Jewish police brutality. All of that is true. But, with emuna eyes, we know that these too are wake-up calls from Hashem. The answer to these problems is teshuva too.

Political activism is no substitute for teshuva. The closer we get to Moshiach, the more urgent doing teshuva on a national level is.

"Tzarich Lihyot Baki"

Rebbe Nachman of Breslev teaches (Likutei Moharan I:6) that in order to make tshuva properly, "Tzarich Lihyot Baki", in other words, one must know how to serve Hashem from either direction, when times are tough or when he seems to be on easy street. My beloved friend and Breslev's sweet singer Rav Yosef Karduner put these words to music:

Gmar Chatima Tova and a wonderful Shabbat Shuva to all of you from all of us here at the Beams and at Emuna Outreach.