YES!!! This is one of the BEST days of my life!! It's David's Hebrew birthday, and he's off to Uman with TWO of my boys!!
Seriously, can life get any better? Peace and quiet with my three little monkeys for 10 days! Less laundry! Less fighting, screaming and door slamming! Less lunches to make that will come back unopened! And.... less nagging!
Let me tell you how much Hashem loves David. When we were dating and just married, his birthday used to be fun. We used to go out for dinner at the restaurant of my choice, and I think I got him a birthday gift once. Or was that a Father's Day gift? Hard to remember.
But somewhere along the line, something changed. Whenever David's birthday would come around, I'd start nagging him and getting on his case like crazy. Like, I'd really be in a bad mood. And he would complain that my bad mood was ruining his birthday, and I would complain that his complaining was ruining my bi-annual opportunity to go to a fancy restaurant.
So, Hashem fixed all of this drama for us by making David's birthday fall just a few days before Rosh Hashana, when he would have to be in Uman. At least, so he says. He manages the hotel that Breslev Israel rents out, so each year he has to be there a few days early to set up and receive everyone. But maybe that's all a big lie just so he can get away from me early.
For the past eight years, David has spent his birthday away from his nagging, annoying, angry wife. Seriously. How much does Hashem love the guy??
But wait! Would you like to know the reason I've been a royal pain every single birthday? It's not my fault! Last year I suddenly realized that on his birthday, he would walk around like King Henry VIII, demanding that he be given the royal treatment or else... And I'm like, listen Your Royal Highness, I can be more annoying than all of your six wives together, PLUS I can even spend more money than they could. Not like I have that much to spend. But I manage to do it somehow! I'm building his vessel, as they say in Kabbalah. In order to make money, you have to spend money. Or your wife has to spend so much money that you have no choice but to make a lot of money or else you're in big trouble with American Express.
So, if you see David in Uman tomorrow, wish him a happy birthday and high-five him that he managed to pull this getting away from his wife nonsense for eight years in a row.
Don't worry, payback's a something that I can't say on this blog. When he ends up taking ALL FIVE boys to Uman, I'm going to book myself a suite at the most luxurious hotel in Israel for Rosh Hashana! I'm already saving up his my money! Yeah, right.
Have a wonderful day! And if you're traveling to Uman, I hope you have short lines and no delays! And to all of the fantastic, amazing, strong women who let their husbands go, YOU ROCK!!
Email me if you want to get on to my what'sapp group, Women of Uman! firstname.lastname@example.org