63 posts categorized "Marriage and family"

Tu B'Av: Happy Love Day!

Tu B'AvToday is the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Av - "Tu B'Av" - known affectionately in Israel as "Love Day". The Gemara in Tractate Taanit tells us that this is one of the two very best days in the Hebrew calendar, an opportune time for seeking and finding a soul-mate. Here're the events that happened on this wonderful day:

  1. The 40-year long plague that resulted from the Sin of the Spies terminated.
  2. The tribes of Israel were allowed to intermarry, whereas previously one was required to take a spouse from his/her own tribe.
  3. Pilgrimage from all over the Land of Israel to Jerusalem was renewed, whereas previously, anyone outside Judea couldn't reach the Holy Temple.
  4. This became a festive occasion when all the wood needed for the coming year's sacrifices on the altar in the Holy Temple was completely gathered, despite huge obstacles.
  5. The myriad of Jews who had been killed defending Beitar during Bar Kochba's revolt were finally brought to burial. This was a double miracle, since the bodies - despite their being strewn in the hot sun for an extended period - did not decompose. 
  6. This is the day when Hashem in His infinite love and mercy put me under the chuppa (wedding canopy) with the very best woman on earth - my wonderful wife Yehudit, may Hashem bless her with abundance of spiritual and material riches, including long and happy days, amen.

Rav Shalom Arush mentioned in his lecture last night in Holon that "Tu B'Av" has always been a propitious and traditional day for matchmaking. Our sages codified an ancient tradition where all Jewish girls – rich and poor, beautiful and homely - go out dressed in borrowed white dresses and dance in the vineyards (see Tractate Taanit 10b). This was our sages' equal-opportunity mentality, to teach young men to look for upright character rather than a girl's makeup and fancy clothes. If you're married, we wish you much joy and wonderful shidduchim for your children. If you're not yet married, we pray that you find your soul-mate in the nearest future, amen!

People who have searching for their soul-mates have had great success after donating to Emuna Outreach. The reason is simple: by you helping others to connect with Hashem, Hashem helps you (or your child, or whomever you're praying for) connect with your bashert, your intended soul-mate. With that in mind, Donate to Emuna Outreach, and we'll be praying to hear good news from you in the nearest future.

Meanwhile, blessings for a lovely Shabbat! If you're going away for Shabbat, safe travels and please drive alertly, with two eyes on the road and two hands on the steering wheel. Hashem loves you, and we do too!

The Garden of Gehinnom


Just look at this disgusting picture. 


How delicious does that disgusting double burger with all the toppings and fries look?? 

After Shabbat David and I managed to get my tired and his lazy behind(s?) out of the house! Miracles! We went to the new mall in Bet Shemesh, which is the closest thing to America that we got. It's got at least 7 restaurants, a bowling alley, a supermarket, and an overpriced toy store. I gotta say that it's a very nice mall, and all of the restaurants have beautiful outside seating available. 

Anyhow, our date was terrible. I mean, we didn't fight or anything. But I had to sit there and watch him enjoy slopping up this juicy, medium rare American style burger with a real bun and real fries. These are not things to be taken for granted in Israel. They're actual novelties.

I could have eaten just the hamburgers by themselves, but that would have been no fun. And besides, I hate eating late at night. Then my stomach stays bloated throughout the next day and I can't stand it. I hate doing Zumba on a bloated stomach. It's so unladylike. 

Now I've been on plenty of bad dates in my life, and most of them happened to be with my husband, but this date takes the cake. In one word, it was gehinnom. After watching him take two bites, I turned around to face the other direction and ignored him until he was done. What? You think I should have been happy for him? What's wrong with you??

So I'm writing this post for two reasons. First, to throw David under the bus, which you know I love to do. And second, to tell you about my latest article that you must read. MUST!! 

It's called The Garden of Gehinnom, and it's my sequel to Rav Arush's marital guide for men, The Garden of Peace. 

My article gives men a clear understanding of what is expected of them in a marriage, and clearly shows them how they may be making their wives' lives gehinnom even without realizing it. It's going to make me super popular with the ladies and super unpopular with the mens. Yeah, I said mens. You got a problem with that?


Oh, and don't miss my weekly post of insanity below! I'm sharing the latest developments in my fascinating and glamorous life!  


What Does This Look Like?

Photo from Racheli Reckles (21)

Something so ridiculous happened to me this morning that I just had to do something about it. 

But before I tell you what it is, I'd like to ask you a question. And I'm completely serious here.

But before I tell you what the question is, I'd like to ask men and women the same question separately. If that even makes sense. Men, you pick an answer from the choices below, and women, you pick an answer from the choices below. And let me know if you're a man or a woman. 

And Judah Cohen, don't you dare answer two questions under your two different names, Judah and Judy. I will find out. I'm warning you, Judylicious.

If I see even ONE woman pick the same answer as I suspect the men will pick (#1, #3, or #4,) I will personally call you and yell at you. 

Okay, now that I've laid out all of my warnings and requests, here is the big question:


Here, I'll give you a hint. In the plastic bag are some new light bulbs.

Your choices are:

1) A chair with light bulbs on it. No questions asked. 

2) A chair with light bulbs on it for the purpose of putting them into the light fixture, thus enabling the slave in the kitchen (me) to be able to see what she's doing. In the kitchen. If that's even where she is, because it's so dark in the kitchen that she can't see well.

3) A chair with a yellow plastic bag on it that the kids must have put exactly beneath the light fixture in the kitchen that's so dark no one can tell it's actually a kitchen and not a dungeon. There are knives on the counter top, you know. Better put that chair back in the dining room before someone trips on it and triggers the flying knives and falling frying pans that are hidden in secret compartments in the ceiling. 

4) A chair with something yellow on it. WHO PUT THIS CHAIR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KITCHEN?? Better put it back in the dining room before someone trips on it because it's so dark in this kitchen no one can find the coffee maker. 

Please post your answers in the comments below and I'll give you some great insights in man vs. woman nature. For the purposes of helping you with your marital peace. Yeah, that's it. 

And if you can't figure out which answer David picked when he saw this chair waiting for him this morning in the kitchen, I'll give you a hint. It was either #1, #3, or #4. 

In the meantime, stay tuned for my soon-to-be-released post on Harvey Weinstein, SCUM OF THE EARTH. Coming soon to a phone computer near you! Check back in a few hours when I'm awake and functioning on optimal brain power, aka caffeine. You might be sleeping at that time, but don't worry! My post will sit right here, waiting for you. 

Until we meet again.... 


Give Her a Break

Succoth is a wonderful time to score points for marital bliss. Tell your wife to take a break from the never-ending Chol Hamoed kitchen chores and surprise her with your culinary arts. Every man should be competent in the kitchen; a wife doesn't enjoy feeling like a slave and she always appreciates the help. Even more, spoil her by making something that she doesn't usually prepare, like sushi - she'll be delighted! That's exactly what I did yesterday, as you can see here:

And don't miss Racheli's hilarious post below! 

LB Sushi2 LB Sushi